02
by Hououza
Summary: Complete rewrite of the original 02, told from a first person point of view. SxA as before.
1. Dreaming Of You

**02:1 – Dreaming Of You**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

It started with a kiss…in that moment I had, for the first time in my life, known what it was like to be connected to another person. For those brief few moments when I kissed him, I was not alone but like all of my dreams, it too came to an end when he pulled away from me.

I had hated him at first; angry at the way he had rejected me. When Kaji arrived, I clung to him desperately, using him as a lifeline, a way of banishing the memory of the kiss from my mind. He brushed me off lightly, only concerned with Misato. He left soon after, leaving me alone with Shinji once again…feeling angry and betrayed by both significant males in my life. I fled to my room, hoping to find some form of solace in sleep.

It was not to be however…no sooner had I entered the land of dreams, and I was thrust into a world of fantasy. A half naked Shinji lay atop me, his lips covering my own. His hands were roaming about my body, softly caressing and teasing me. As they moved lower, towards my core, I felt the sensations mounting and I moaned his name.

"Shinji!"

I woke suddenly, my body covered in a thin layer of sweat. A strange scent assaulted my nose, one I could not put a name to. I remained confused for a moment longer, until I felt the wetness against my inner thigh…the scent was that of my own arousal, I had crossed my peak while screaming his name.

Disgusted by what I had done, I pulled my legs up against my chest and sobbed into my knees. Not only had he stolen my first kiss but now he had claimed my dreams a well. My first experience of sexual bliss was while thinking of him, something I did not believe I would ever forgive him for…when at last my tears subsided I stood up from my bed, filled with a new sense of determination. I pulled the sheets and covers away, bundling them in my arm. They would need to be washed right away, lest someone discover what I had done.

I dumped both into the washer, and after but a moment's hesitation, added my clothes as well. Standing there, completely naked, I turned the washer on before heading to the bathroom, fully intent on taking a shower in hopes of washing away any remaining trace.

Morning came sooner than I would have liked, between the shower and the washer I had been up half the night. When I reached the breakfast table Misato was already there with her beer while Shinji was in the usual place at the stove. Misato greeted me with a smile; obviously, she had already recovered from the previous night's activities. Shinji, however, did not move as I sat down. For a moment, I wondered if he was ignoring me and so I was caught of guard when he turned round suddenly and put a plate in front of me.

"What the…pancakes?"

He nodded before turning back around, he retrieved a second plate and put it in front of Misato. He paused for a moment, looking expectant; I assumed he was waiting for us to take a bite…I was shocked by what I tasted. The flavor was just as I remembered it; a near perfect copy of the western style, something I would never expected any Japanese to be able to do. I paused for a moment, savoring the taste yet still finding that something was missing when suddenly he placed a small plastic bottle beside my plate.

"Maple syrup? Shinji, where did you find this?"

I was so surprised that he had thought of everything, I temporarily forgot that I was mad at him.

"There's a small shop downtown that sells western style ingredients. I picked up the recipe there too."

Nodding, I picked up the bottle and began to put a generous helping over what remained of my breakfast. Once I was done, I passed the bottle to Misato who by now seemed quite eager to try this strange syrup. She took a bite and her face lit up, almost like a child's. Turning to Shinji, she opened her mouth.

"Thif ith gud!"

The fact that her mouth was full at the time, meant that her words were mangled by the very fragments of food she was spitting out all across the table. Shinji sighed heavily before getting a cloth and proceeding to wipe away the mess Misato had made, before heading off to the bathroom, presumably to take a shower. When he left, I was struck by a sudden feeling that something was out of place…when nothing obvious sprang to mind I brushed the feeling aside, simply enjoying what remained of my pancakes. It would not be until much later that I realized, I hadn't seen him eat.

We headed off to school soon after he got out of the shower. As usual, I was walking up front with Shinji a little way behind. I was lost in my thoughts as I walked, trying to puzzle out the duality of his actions. On the one hand, he pulled away when kissing me, yet the very next day he had gone to the trouble of making pancakes for me, even providing maple syrup. It just didn't add up…I was still lost in my dilemma when I started to across the road, I wasn't paying any attention, so I never noticed that the lights had changed…

"Asuka! Look out!"

Shinji's cry pulled me from my thoughts just in time to see a car heading right towards me, like a deer caught in the headlights, I found myself terrified and unable to move.

"Oof!"

The breath was knocked out of me as something, or rather someone, barreled into me, knocking me to one side. I lost my balance and started to fall, grabbing wildly at the person, trying to use them to stabilize me. It seemed that they too were not sure on their feet because as I pulled they started to fall with me, the both of us dropping to the road and rolling away just before the car sped by. When we came to a halt, I was laying on top of them, my hips straddling their waist. Feeling slightly embarrassed at my position I lifted my head from against their chest, moving my head so I could get a clear look at the face of my savior…

"Shinji?"

His gaze shifted up to meet me, our eyes locking instantly. For a moment I struggled with a mixture of feelings, I didn't know whether to kiss him or hit him. After all, he had saved me once again…I wasn't angry but still I was hesitant to kiss him after the last time. In the end I settled on hugging him gently, hoping it would convey how I felt.

"Uh…Asuka…are you ok?"

I smiled slightly at his words, just like Shinji to be so nervous just after doing something brave like that, saving me.

"Yes."

At my response, much of the tension fled from his face. He looked up at me with his deep blue eyes, almost as if he was looking deep into my soul when he said…

"Um, do you think you could get off me now?"

I was shocked, there I had been prepared for him to say something romantic and he simply wanted to ask me to get off him? I sighed in disappointment, not quite willing to get angry after he had saved me only moments before. I realized then the position we were in and how embarrassing it would be should anyone see us like this, they could easily mistake it for something else…I planted my arms on the ground at his sides and pushed my self-upright. Once I was on my feet, I stopped and offer him and hand, helping him to his feet. I glanced at my watch as I did so, realizing that we were going to be late. Keeping a firm grip on his hand, I began to run, dragging a protesting Shinji behind me.

We made the classroom just in time. Hikari was just about to begin her 'rise, bow, sit' routine. She paused mid way though to stare at me, mouth hanging open. Much of the rest of the class moved to see what had shocked Hikari and rapidly their faces mirrored hers. Even the two stooges looked the same way, pointing their fingers at us, looks of horror etched on their faces. I wondered what could possibly be so terrible that they were looking at us that way when I suddenly realized I still had hold of Shinji's hand. I dropped it instantly as if it burned me, I walked to my seat in silence and ignoring the stares that followed me.

Shinji followed suit a moment later and as soon as he had sat down, I could hear the voices of the other two stooges beginning to question him. Hikari silenced the two with a glare, or rather in the case of Suzahara a quick tug on his ear. Soon, class returned to normal as she finished her routine and the teacher began to ramble on about life before Second Impact as usual. I turned to my laptop, waiting a moment until it flickered into life. At once, my screen was filled with messages, all of which were asking if there was something going on between Shinji and me. I sighed heavily and closed the lid; this was going to be a long day…

_A/N: Right, no more messing about. First of all, I am going to finish this before working on No. Second of all I am rewriting In a Perfect World, I am not totally happy with it so I am going to rework it in the first person._

_Thank you for your patience,_

Hououza

Chapter preread by That Other Guy


	2. Dreaming Of Me

**02:2 – Dreaming Of Me**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

After Kaji had left and Asuka had stormed off to bed, I decided to turn in as well. We had school come morning and my grades hadn't been exactly fantastic so I though it might do me some good to get at least a little rest. I was still somewhat troubled by what had happened between me and Asuka, I wasn't quite sure what had gotten her so mad at me but I resolved myself to try and make it up to her somehow. I was then I remembered the new recipe I had been saving for just such an occasion, one I was fairly certain she would love. Tomorrow morning I would try it out and hopefully use the results as a peace offering to appease her wrath. Feeling pleased with this decision, I lay down and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept before I was abruptly awakened by the sound of someone calling my name…

"Shinji!"

Almost immediately I recognised the voice as Asuka's, immediately causing my half asleep brain to wonder why she would be calling for me in the middle of the night…groggily I pulled myself from my warm bed, shambling slowly towards my door. Something about the way she had called out bothered me, there had been a distinct undertone to it that in my current state I did not recognise. All I knew was that something was out of place and I needed to investigate.

Upon reaching her door, I stopped outside, pausing for a moment to compose myself. My hand moved to push the door aside but before it could make contact I heard the sounds of crying coming from inside…Asuka was crying and I had no idea why. Part of me wanted to go in there, to try and comfort her while the rest simply wanted to run away…recalling her reaction earlier I decided that perhaps this time discretion would be the better part of valour and retreated to my room silently.

It was just as I was closing my door that I heard her door slide open, her soft footfalls upon the carpet. I could not help but wonder over her destination so I kept my door open just a crack, enough for me to see outside. She appeared to be carrying something in her arms, objects I could not quite make out. She proceeded towards the laundry room and after a few moments, I heard the familiar sounds of the washer starting. This in itself puzzled me, Asuka would usually do almost anything to avoid having to do her own washing, why would she suddenly be doing so, especially in the middle of the night. When she remerged, I watched her as for an instant. She was bathed in a stray beam of moonlight, my breath caught in my throat as I cought a good look at her. She was naked, not a stitch of clothing adorned her, her body bared to the world. Luckily for me, her back was facing me lest I had seen something more and fainted from the shock. As it was, I felt a stirring in my groin, finding myself growing aroused by her bare back. A moment later, she disappeared into the bathroom and I breathed a sigh of relief. I slid my door fully closed and returned to my bed, placing the ear buds of my SDAT in my ears and praying for sleep…it did not come at first as I was haunted by images of Asuka. By sheer force of will, I pushed them aside, losing myself in the music. At last, my eyes slid closed and I slipped into a troubled sleep.

Surprisingly, I woke early the next morning, surprising if only because between the incidents earlier and being woken by Asuka in the middle of the night I had gotten only a few hours sleep. Rubbing what remained of it from my eyes I decided I might as well stay up, after all the extra time would give me time to start work on my 'special' breakfast. I headed into the kitchen and donning my usual apron, got to work. The apron itself had been a gift from Misato and in tune with her sense of humour; it bore the legendary 'Kiss the cook' phrase in bold red kanji. So far, neither of the females had adhered to this doctrine, something for which I was in many ways quite glad…

It was just as I had completed my preparations and was cooking the first batch that Misato appeared. She walked into the kitchen, now dressed in her usual sleeping attire that consisted of a pair of far too short shorts and a yellow t-shirt. For any other male seeing her like this would be a dream, for me it was more of a nightmare…she went of to the fridge as usual before taking out a can of beer and sitting at the table. A moment later, she had guzzled down all the beer and the apartment rang out with her resounding cry.

"Yeehaa!"

I simply shook my head, ignoring her, keeping my attention towards the stove, trying to ensure that I did not burn breakfast. A few moments passed in silence before it seemed Misato got bored and so she decided to amuse herself by asking me questions.

"Hey! Shinji, what are you making for breakfast?"

I sighed at her childish behaviour.

"Sorry Misato, can't tell you."

I knew if I turned round at that moment I would have seen her pout slightly, upset I was spoiling her fun. It was then I felt an impending sense of dread just before she spoke again.

"You know…it seems like your making something special…you and Asuka didn't get up to anything last night while I was out with Kaji did you?"

I was unable to prevent myself from turning a light shade of red as memories of both the kiss and a naked Asuka flicked through my mind. Thankfully, as my back remained towards her it was doubtful Misato could see my reaction although I knew if I was not careful she would hear it in my voice…taking a calming breath I managed to force out a calm reply.

"Asuka and I didn't do anything…not like you and Kaji…"

I ended the sentence there, knowing I had won when I heard her sharp inrush of breath. It's not like I hadn't learned anything in my time living there, when one is constantly teased sometimes you learn how to tease back…any further discussion on the subject was halted when Asuka entered the kitchen.

Although I could not see her, I knew she was there as soon as I felt her gaze upon my back. Even as I heard Misato greet her I stayed facing that way, fighting against my blush, trying to prevent it from coming back. Finally, the food was ready and I put it onto two plates before spinning round and placing the first in front of Asuka.

"What the…pancakes?"

I nodded before turning back around, not quite ready to meet her gaze. I picked up the second plate and placed it in front of Misato before moving away slightly and looking at them, waiting for them to take the first bite…Asuka cut a way a piece with her fork and gingerly raised it to her mouth. At once, her demeanour changed as a smile slid across her face, without saying anything I already knew she liked it and that was reward enough for me. Then, her eyes went distant for a moment, as if she was searching for something within her mind. I had a pretty good idea of what that was and so I quickly retrieved the small bottle I had purchased and placed it beside her plate.

"Maple syrup? Shinji, where did you find this?"

I explained briefly about the little shop I had found, one that sold mostly western foods. My finding of the shop had in fact been a coincidence; I had been in that particular area because I had heard there was a music store that sold tapes for my SDAT. As I had searched, I had come across the place and walked inside, only to be surprised by the selection they had. I spent a while in there, purchasing a few things including a cookbook. This had been my first chance to try one of the recipes and I was glad it had gone down well.

"Thif ith gud!"

While I was pleased by Misato's comment I was somewhat dismayed at the fact she had made it with her mouth full, spraying crumbs of half eaten pancake across the surface of the table. Sighing, I got a cloth and wiped up before throwing the cloth in the sink and heading off to take my morning shower. As I stood there, stripping of my clothes, I reflected on the fact that neither Asuka or Misato had commented on the fact I did not eat. For that I was glad as I had found myself without an appetite and would have not relished explaining this fact.

Once I was out of the shower and dressed, Asuka and I headed off to school. As always, she walked up front while I followed on behind. From what I could tell she seemed to be lost in her thoughts and not really paying attention to what was going on around her. When she walked out across the road when the lights had changed I realised the danger she was in and without thinking began to act.

"Asuka! Look out!"

I called out even as I broke into a run, hoping to reach her before the oncoming traffic could. She simply stood there unmoving as the car drew ever closer, in the end I was forced to use my body weight to move her, forcing her out of the way. At that moment I had been resigned to my fate so long as she was safe, yet when her hands had caught my shirt, I had been pulled along with her, the momentum she had gained from the initial impact carrying us both to safety. We came to a halt next to the opposite pavement, Asuka straddling me.

"Shinji?"

When she spoke my name, ever so softly, my eyes at once raised to meet hers and suddenly I was filled with uncertainty. When she suddenly hugged me, it caught me off guard, serving only to make the situation feel more awkward. In order to disguise my uncertainty I managed to ask if she was ok, a question which she answered with a yes…unable to think of another way of putting it, I asked her as politely as I could if she would get off of me. She quickly got to her feet and I was surprised when she offered me a hand. I took it gratefully even as her attention turned from me and went towards her watch…

"Shieβe!"

She exclaimed suddenly before breaking into a run, forcing me to struggle along at a similar pace, as she was yet to let go of my hand. We arrived in the classroom that way, my hand secured in her grasp. Hikari stopped midway through her usual routine to gape at us, only to be joined by more than half the class after a few moments. Asuka finally realised what it was they were staring at when Toji and Kensuke made some comments, immediately she let go of my hand before heading to her desk. I followed suit soon after, bracing myself for the inevitable tide of questions that would erupt from my two friends…

"Shin-man! How could you betray us like that!"

"Shinji, what were you doing holding the devil's hand?"

Luckily, before I could answer they were silenced by Hikari, in Toji's case, silenced only because he wanted to keep his ear. Once the ruckus had settled down, Hikari completed the routine and the lesson began, our teacher droning on about Second Impact as usual. When I turned on my laptop, I had expected it to be crammed with messages, yet strangely it was silent. Asuka however seemed to be swarmed by them…why were they asking her about it and not me? Unsure of the answer to this question I sighed heavily before resting my head upon my folded arms and catching up on my sleep.

_A/N: In answer to the reviewer who asked was this simply a reworking of the original 02 or a completely new storyline…in truth it is both. At first it will follow the original path that I set out for 02. However, in truth I had never really formed and ending in my mind, perhaps why I was struggling to complete it. Now with an ending fixed in my mind I am going to change the direction slightly while hopefully staying reasonably true to my original vision._

_I hope that makes some sense…thank you all for reviewing._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

Chapter preread by That Other Guy


	3. Explanations Part 1

**02:3 – Explanations – Part 1**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

The messages continued right up until the lunch bell rang. I would never have expected everyone to be so interested in such a simple thing as Shinji and I holding hands. I had even risked a glance back at him to see of he was suffering a similar fate only to find he was sleeping. Something immediately struck me as wrong with this situation, if he had been receiving messages, there was no way he would be resting like that, the constant beeping would be keeping him awake. That meant they were not messaging him. Why they were directing their questions solely at me? I lost my temper then, getting to my feet and declaring to the rest of the class that nothing was going on between me and Shinji and they best stop bothering me with their stupid questions, lest they taste my wrath. They all turned away, to afraid to meet my fearsome gaze. I sat back down, letting my thoughts turn elsewhere…

"Asuka?"

Hikari interrupted my musings; she was standing in front of my desk looking a little pensive. She caught my gaze with worried eyes, silently asking me if I was ok. Such a simple gesture, but one I truly appreciated. After my mother had died, so many people had asked that same question of me, yet almost none had any sincerity behind their words. Hikari meant everything she said; perhaps that's why we had become friends in the first place. Without another word, I got up from my desk and followed her out of the classroom, off to eat our lunches in peace.

For some reason, Hikari decided to head up to the roof today, leading me diligently up the numerous flights of stairs. Often the stooge trio or Ayanami would be up there, but as wonder girl was absent for the day, and I had seen the stooges heading to the cafeteria, we would most likely have it all to ourselves. On arriving, we found it empty, my prediction coming true. Having plenty of space to choose from, we went and sat by one of the many railings, a safety measure designed to prevent people from accidentally falling off the roof. We took out or lunches, Hikari had made her own, where as mine had been made by Shinji. We began to eat quietly. We spoke only a little during that time, there was a tension between us, like there was something unspoken looming, just waiting to be said. Finally, Hikari broke the silence by asking the question I was fairly certain had been on her mind all this time.

"Asuka…what really happened between you and Shinji?"

Even though I had expected it, I was still taken back by her question. In a way, I had never really believed she would ask me and in many ways, I had hoped she had forgotten about it entirely…

"Please."

In the face of Hikari's pleading expression, I knew I couldn't deny her. I hesitated slightly, thinking of where to begin the story…then, all of a sudden it came to me, they key to everything that happened summed up into three simple words.

"I kissed Shinji."

For a few moments Hikari did what could be described as a very accurate goldfish impression…her eyes were wide and her mouth was opening and closing with no sound coming out. I almost laughed then; it was just so funny watching Hikari, who was always so calm, acting like that. She remained that way for a few moments before shaking her head as if to clear it and looking at me expectantly. Sighing lightly, I told her everything.

First of all, I told Hikari about my date, she seemed somewhat disappointed when I told her the boy had turned out to be an even bigger dork than Shinji. She tried to apologise, sorry that she had set me up with him in the first place. I simply brushed it away telling her not to worry, I wanted to get on with the story, before I lost my nerve…I went on to tell her of how when I got back to the apartment Shinji was already there, playing his cello softly. Hikari was surprised by this, it seemed that neither of us had pegged him as a musician despite the fact he spent so much of his time listening to it. I tried to recount what it felt like listening to his music to her but found words failing me…maybe it was the sheer beauty of his playing, perhaps the one true reflection of his soul, that had allowed me to compliment him so freely.

"The time had actually passed rather quickly, despite the fact I could find practically nothing to do. When Misato finally called, we had finished dinner not long ago and I was just coming out of the shower. Shinji had told me that she wouldn't be home until very late…I felt jealous then, knowing she was out with Kaji. Something inside me snapped in that moment and in my want for an outlet I ended up kissing Shinji."

"Asuka…"

Hikari's face was stern, very much as it was when she was in 'class rep mode'. It was fairly obvious why she was looking at me that way.

"I know I used him in the worst possible way…yet, at the same time I discovered something about myself. Something that in some ways I wish I had never known…I actually like Shinji. It didn't kiss him simply because I wanted to use him as a way of alleviating my frustration towards Misato, I actually wanted him to kiss me. There were times when he didn't behave like quite such and idiot…like when he saved me from the volcano."

This revelation caused Hikari's face to soften, right up until I told her the part where he pulled away from me…

"I'm sorry…"

I shook my head; there was nothing for her to be sorry for, if she kept apologising like that she would end up like Shinji…no matter how hard I try I always wind up thinking about him in some way. To think that the meek little boy I met long ago on 'Over the Rainbow' would end up stealing my heart…it sounds like something straight out of some romance novel. I started to laugh, marvelling at the irony of the situation. Hikari stared at me worriedly, no doubt believing I had gone out of my mind. I reigned myself in there, recalling I had not yet finished the story.

I recounted the remainder of the evening and the night, blushing slightly as I told Hikari about my dream. She flushed too, no doubt visualising the images in her own mind but in her case, I doubt the other person was Shinji…more likely a certain other stooge. Finally as I got up to the point where we had arrived that morning a thoughtful expression spread across her face. For a while she seemed deep in thought, then she suddenly stood up before telling me she had 'something to do' and departing, leaving me alone on the rooftop. I stayed there for a little while, looking out over the grounds, lost in my thoughts…

"Why Shinji…why did you pull away…?"

The second bell rang, interrupting my thoughts, and signalling the ending of lunch now. Sighing lightly, I got to my feet and headed inside.

When I finally returned to the classroom, I was surprised to find Shinji was absent. At first, I assumed he was simply late in getting back to the classroom and would enter shortly. I took my seat as usual and Hikari started the usual routine immediately after, our teacher began droning on. Half an hour later, Shinji was still no where to be seen and despite myself, I was stared to feel worried. The rest of the afternoon slipped by and he didn't return, by the time class had ended, his desk was still empty. The other two stooges accosted me before I left, demanding to know what I had done to Shinji. I brushed them both off, informing them I had done nothing to him and stormed out. If those two didn't know where he had gone to there had to be something wrong…

I headed back to the apartment, expecting to find him there. I was surprised to find the apartment empty, apart from Misato. She looked at me, surprised; obviously, she had expected Shinji to come home with me…

"Asuka, where's Shinji?"

I felt my anger rising, a defensive reflex to cover my concern.

"How should I know? I'm not the idiot's keeper! He didn't even bother to come back to class after lunch, I have no idea where he is."

She frowned at me; clearly displeased with my behaviour, yet not scolding me. I knew she could see through my behaviour, that I was worried about Shinji as well. We stood there for a while, neither of us speaking as we both tried to resolve our feelings…suddenly we both heard the sound of the door opening, the same though going through both our minds.

"Shinji…"

He emerged from the hallway a moment later, seemingly fine. He was wearing a determined expression and there were large shopping bags carried in either hand. He paused momentarily when he noticed us, his expression turning uncomfortable, not doubt from the way we were both staring at him. I was lost for words, there I had been, actually worried about him and he was shopping all this time. I opened my mouth to chew him out, unfortunately Misato beat me to it…

"Shinji! Where have you been? Asuka told me you skipped the afternoon at school, I want an explanation mister!"

He hung his head low, refusing to meet her gaze. I was surprised when he remained silent rather than uttering his usual apology. They remained there for a moment, neither one speaking. At last, it was Misato who broke the silence, ordering Shinji to leave the shopping where it was and go to his room, indicating she would speak with him in a moment. She instructed me to order for a delivery while she talked to Shinji, listening from the kitchen I was sure I made out a few harsh words being said. When they emerged later, his face was downcast, while hers was still quite serious. I could tell by her eyes that she regretted having to chew him out, but because she was our guardian, it didn't seem she had a choice.

We ate dinner in silence. When we were done, Misato left for her room while Shinji gathered the plates. Seeing how downcast he was I found myself wanting to try to reach out to him, my anger having dissolved long ago. I walked over to the sink and stood beside him, picking up a clean cloth. He paused for a moment, silently querying my presence.

"If you wash, I'll dry."

After a moment he nodded slowly, putting the first of the plates into the sink…half an hour later the last of the plates were clean, dry, and put back in the cupboard. Shinji pulled the plug and allowed the water to drain away while I put away the cloth I had been using. I was about to head back to my room then when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned round to face him and for the first time that evening, I saw him looking at me.

"Thank you."

I was surprised by his words, even more so when he leaned forward slightly and planted a gentle kiss on my right cheek. Without another word, he slipped past me, heading off in the direction of his room. I stood there for a while; shocked by his actions…I had never expected him to kiss me. Finally, I too exited the kitchen, heading to my bedroom, a small smile upon my face.

I woke the next morning from another of those dreams, although thankfully it was far less…vivid than the first one. Still feeling rather groggy, I walked into the kitchen only to find that both Misato and Shinji were already awake. He indicated that the shower was free; he had taken his earlier on. I stepped inside the bathroom and closed the door, switching on the water before disrobing. I hoped that the feel of the water against my skin would erase the memories of my dream, it had been hard enough facing Shinji without blushing during our brief encounter in the kitchen…

I reached my arm out, looking to see if the shower was hot enough yet, I recoiled sharply at the burning pain that ran up my arm. The water was boiling and the brief contact had burned the sensitive skin on my arm. Within moments, Shinji was knocking on the door to the bathroom, no doubt summoned by my cry of pain.

"Asuka? Are you ok?"

I smiled a little at his concern for me, even if I was currently confused about our relationship it was nice to know he cared if only in some small ways…he knocked again, sounding more worried. I realised then I hadn't yet replied to him. I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off when Shinji spoke again.

"Asuka? I'm coming in…"

I was so shocked by this I found myself unable to find my voice to protest. Never, would have I expected Shinji to do something so bold. Luckily for me, part of myself remained aware of my present situation, grabbing a towel to wrap around myself and at least cover the majority of my nudity not a moment to soon as just at that moment Shinji stepped inside.

"Asuka are you…ah!"

His eyes widened when he saw what state I was in, his mouth opening and closing but no sound coming out. If it hadn't been quite so embarrassing, I would have laughed at how funny he looked that way. Once he got a hold over himself he turned away, I had caught a glimpse of his face as he spun, it was crimson.

"I'm sorry…"

For once, I didn't mind his apology; he had almost walked in on me naked after all. I tied the towel tightly around me before walking over to him and shoving him out of the room. He protested a little at my treatment of him, something else I wouldn't usually have expected him to do. Once I finally got him out of the bathroom I closed the bathroom behind and leaned against it with a sigh…that had possibly been the single most embarrassing moment of my life.

I checked the shower once again, more carefully this time only to find that it had now settled down, cooling to the right temperature. I dropped the towel and stepped inside, finally losing myself into the feel of the water even though the images of Shinji never quite left my mind.

A/N: Thank you all for your reviews. In answer to your question, yes, it is my intent to do the whole story this way. Flicking between the POVs of Asuka and Shinji. However, I will also be using POVs from others in some chapters but as it looks at the moment, I will not be using a narrative one. Hope that answers all your questions for now; look forwards to seeing you all again next chapter.

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

Chapter preread by That Other Guy


	4. Explanations Part 2

**02:4 – Explanations – Part 2**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

Once more, I found myself standing at the door to my room, peering out through the smallest of gaps, watching as her naked body was bathed in moonlight. I watched, entranced, never realising she had started turning, slowing moving towards me. Her arms moved from her sides, covering both her breasts and the juncture of her thighs. I moved my gaze upwards, towards her face and in that instant I was frozen to the spot as our eyes met. The moment passed and I turned and fled from her gaze, fearing what she would do to me if she found out I had been staring at her naked body. I slipped into my futon, pulling the sheets around me and turning on my side, I faced the wall and pretended to be asleep. I hoped against hope that she would believe this visual fiction I had created, believe that I had been asleep the whole time and that seeing me had simply been her imagination.

For what felt like an eternity I lay there, cocooned in the silence when suddenly I heard a sound from outside…footsteps coming closer. They stopped suddenly and for a moment I thought that she had gone back to bed…it was not to be however as I soon heard the door of my room slide open and someone step inside pulling it closed behind them. I knew then that there could be no escape, she already stood between where I lay and the door. Accepting my fate I lay there silently, part of me still praying she would believe I was asleep and leave me in peace…when nothing happened I began to feel confused. I had heard no movement since she had entered the room; she had not left yet she had not struck me either. Perhaps she was testing me, waiting for me to betray the fact I was awake so she could punish me…I willed myself to lay still not moving and forcing my breathing to remain steady.

Moments passed still with nothing until without warning, the sheets were pulled away and I felt warmth appear beside me as the sheets fell back into place. Before I could consider what this meant I found myself pulled onto my back as she moved so she sat astride me. No longer finding any reason to hide that I was awake I opened my eyes to gaze up at her face, looking into those deep blue eyes, tracing the smile that stretched across her face. Her hands moved across my body, pulling my clothes away…I tried to scream at her yet I could find no voice even as she joined herself to me. Her legs circling my waist she pressed them into me, forcing the air from my lungs ever so slowly. As the effects of asphyxiation began to overcome me, she leaned down until her face was no more than an inch from mine. Suddenly she closed the distance and her lips captured mine in a brief yet fierce kiss. As she broke away the darkness finally began to overcome me as I slipped into unconsciousness, the last thing I heard were the words that slipped from her mouth…

"My Shinji."

I was torn from my slumber by the ringing of the lunch bell; it's resounding tones signalling morning lessons had come to an end. I lifted myself slowly from my desk, head pounding slightly and filed with afterimages of my dream. It has felt so real yet…something was fundamentally wrong with it. The way the dream Asuka acted confused me, it had been nothing like the real Asuka. My musing were interrupted by her voice as she began a violent tirade…I was surprised when I realised that for once this stream of verbal abuse was not directed at me but rather at many of our classmates. It seemed that the messages I had noticed her receiving before I had fallen asleep had been asking about our arrival that morning, most likely why she had been holding my hand. Once more it struck me that no one had questioned why I would be holding Asuka's hand, only why she would be holding mine. I quickly brushed that thought aside, turning my attention to the problem at hand. Following Asuka's rather…verbal objection, there was little doubt the class would now look to me for answers, despite their earlier behaviour. I decided to make a swift exit now, while they were all still in shock. Part of me felt guilty for leaving Asuka like that, yet I knew were I to try and comfort her it would simply make the problem worse, besides, I could see Hikari heading over to her and so I decided that I wouldn't be needed.

I got outside the classroom without incident, it seemed I was home free…that was until I realised that two people had followed me. Toji and Kensuke stood there, grinning like idiots. Obviously, they had seen me try to sneak away and had followed, intent on asking the questions Hikari had prevented them from voicing before. I knew I would never be able to avoid answering them now, sighing in defeat I signalled in the direction of the canteen. They both nodded in reply and the three of us started on our way, chatting idly. Usually I would have avoided going to the canteen, the food there was so bad, you could probably use it to kill an Angel if you loaded it into some kind of projectile…that is if you could prevent it from dissolving the container first. Today however I had little choice, making the pancake batter had taken longer than I expected so I had only had time to make breakfast for Asuka and Misato this morning.

When we arrived, we stood in line as usual, waiting to be served. I spent that time clearing my head and sorting out what I was going to tell them, trying to prevent myself from slipping up and mentioning something about the day before. Toji nudged me sharply, it seems that both he and Kensuke had finished paying and now we were going to look for a place to sit. As we walked I could feel Toji's gaze upon me, when we finally sat down and I caught sight of his face, I could see genuine concern in his eyes. Because of this, he did not begin questioning me immediately; instead, we started on our food, eating in silence. It was only when we had finished did he stretch out with his arms folded behind his head and asked me.

"So, Shin-man…what was the Red Devil doing holding your hand this morning?"

I paused momentarily before beginning my explanation, making sure that no one else was close enough to hear. It was hard enough telling Toji and Kensuke, if anyone else found out I had saved rescued Asuka and it got back to her that I told them…someone would need to come and rescue me. I began to recount the events of that morning, from the point I had started breakfast to the time Asuka and I arrived at school. I decided that it would be better not to mention my dream, it would raise too many awkward questions and might even lead them to questions about the previous day. When I told them about the car they sat there open mouthed for a moment, brains feverishly trying to process what I had told them.

Toji was the first to recover, a huge grin spreading across his face as mischief sparkled in his eyes.

"So, she let you hold her hand because you saved her…wonder what she'll let you hold next time…"

I am sure my entire face went red at that comment although I am almost certain that it was not for the reasons Toji and Kensuke expected…when we had fallen one of my hands had been caught between us and had ended up crushed against Asuka's chest. In those few moments, I had touched something that was most definitely not her hand. Looking back on it, the incident reminded me of what happened when I went to take Rei her new ID card. The only difference being Asuka was on top, and was very definitely not naked. This, of course, caused fragments of my dream to wash through my mind causing my blush to lighten as the blood journeyed to a different part of my anatomy. Luckily for me, that particular train of thought was derailed when someone called my name.

"Shinji?"

I looked up to see the class rep standing there. Not knowing how long she had been standing there I silently prayed that she had heard none of our conversation, particularly Toji's comments. If any of that got back to Asuka, I would be a dead man…

"I need to talk to you…alone."

I was surprised by her request, what could be so important that she wanted to tell me in private? Part of me feared that she had heard everything and this was simply a pretence to hand me over to Asuka. I pondered this for a moment before dismissing it out of hand; from what I knew of the class rep, she wouldn't do something like that. I nodded my response and got up from the table, giving a silent farewell to the guys, indicating we would speak later. Then, I followed Hikari away from there, out of the canteen, then down the corridor and into an empty classroom.

There was silence for a moment before Hikari spoke…and when she did her voice positively dripped with disappointment.

"Shinji…why did you do that to Asuka?"

At once, I was confused, not understanding what I was being accused of. My first instinct was to apologise but I bit back the words, for once trying to show some 'spine' as Asuka put it. I think Hikari picked up on the confusion and hurt in my eyes because a moment later, her eyes softened slightly, and when she next spoke her voice was somewhat softer.

"I've been speaking with Asuka. She told me…about the kiss…about everything."

I stood there, shocked by this new information. That meant Hikari now knew everything that had happened…then it occurred to me, what could she possibly believe I had done to Asuka? Once more, she seemed to read the unspoken question in my eyes and continued.

"Why did you pull away?"

I knew then Asuka had not told her everything…obviously; she had failed to mention one or two facts. Such as she had been holding my nose closed all the time we were kissing…that explained Hikari's question. Even so, something about this whole situation felt wrong; as if there was something more I was missing…pushing the feeling aside for now I explained to Hikari the missing details of what happened. She flushed slightly on hearing, apologising for making such an accusation without knowing all the facts. I could tell by her expression that she would be having a few words with Asuka, something telling me that I would not want to be around afterwards.

The lunch bell rang for the second time that day, signalling it was time for class to resume. Hikari turned to leave immediately, stopping at the door when I did not follow. She questioned this but I simply replied that I needed a few moments alone to think. She nodded and left, the door closing behind her. Luckily for me, it seemed that he classroom I presently stood in was not in use as no students entered. I remained there for a while, pondering what Hikari had told me and trying to fathom what it was about it that continued to bother me…having no luck I cast my eyes about the room, my gaze eventually coming to rest upon a clock mounted on the wall. On seeing the time my eyes widened in shock, it was almost half past three, meaning I had been standing in the classroom for more than an hour. Deciding it was already too late to return to class I departed the classroom and left the school grounds, deciding to go shopping at the special store I found. I felt that the promise of western food might at least delay Asuka's wrath.

By the time I left the shop, it was getting dark outside. I cursed silently and started to head towards the train station, intent on getting back to the apartment as soon as possible. Unfortunately I left my phone back in the classroom in my bag, I hadn't bothered to retrieve it after lunch. For a moment, I considered heading back to the school to get it but then I realised that it wouldn't do any good. The whole place would be locked up by now; it would have to wait until tomorrow…the train finally arrived and I stepped on board, immediately feeling the cool air from the air conditioning wash over me. Luckily for me the train was relatively empty and I was able to get a seat. I spent most of the journey thinking about what Hikari had said to me, wondering why such a simple action as me pulling away from her had gotten Asuka that upset. Originally I had thought it had been because she regretted kissing me but now I wasn't so sure. Fate chose that moment to intervene as the train slid to a halt at my station and I got up to leave, disrupting my thoughts. I departed the station and headed in the direction of the apartment, all thoughts of Asuka, and my conversation with Hikari forgotten.

When I arrived outside the door to the apartment I could hear voices coming from inside. It seemed that Misato and Asuka were arguing again, about what was anybodies guess. I pulled my key from my pocket and, in a considerable balancing act, managed to open the door without dropping any of the bags I held. When I stepped out from the hallway both their gazes turned to me…

"Shinji! Where have you been? Asuka told me you skipped the afternoon at school, I want an explanation mister!"

Misato spoke first. I could tell she was angry, no doubt hearing of my absence had only make her anger worse. I looked down at my feet, not wanting to meet her eyes at that moment usually, I would have apologised for something like this, but on this one occasion the words would not come. We stood there in silence for a moment longer before Misato ordered me to go to my room, leaving the shopping behind. She followed only a moment later, closing the door behind her.

She spent the next half an hour chewing me out thoroughly, my grades at school weren't exactly that good, so she told me I was in no position to be cutting school. Besides that, I had left my phone behind. She pointed out that if an angel attacked they would have been forced to waste time trying to find me. When she finished, she led the way back out of my room, quietly instructing me to make dinner. I was angry then but as I walked past her I caught sight of her face in the corner of my eye…unshed tears swelled there and I knew then she hated doing this as much as I hated having to hear it. Feeling a little better although ashamed at my behaviour, I gathered the bags and carried them into the kitchen before beginning dinner.

We ate in silence, once finished Misato immediately left the table. Sighing heavily, I got up from my place and began to gather the plates, starting to do the night's washing up. Not wanting to think anymore that night, I lost myself in this menial task until suddenly Asuka came along side me. She further surprised me when she picked up a clean cloth before offering her help.

"If you wash, I'll dry."

I stood there for a moment, shocked that she would make such an offer. As soon as I recovered from that initial shock I nodded, glad of the help she was offering to give me. We spent the a while like that, standing by the kitchen sink as I washed the various utensils and then handed them to Asuka to dry them for me. When we finally finished, she began to fold the cloth and made to walk away. I placed a hand gently on her shoulder, needing to say something to her then before I lost the courage.

"Thank you."

As I spoke those two simple words, I allowed my gaze to meet hers for the first time that evening. For once her face was not hardened with malice, she actually smiled at me. Suddenly I found myself leaning forwards, closing on her lips…at the last moment my nerve failed and rather than her lips I pressed my own against her cheek. Following this brief contact, I quickly walked away, heading to my room hoping that Asuka had not seen the blush that flared across my whole face.

**A/N:** _Thank you everyone for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated. If you haven't guessed by now I am operating on a fortnightly update schedule, hopefully this time I will be able to keep to it despite the ever-increasing workload I am facing…_

_Six projects…_

_Anyway, that aside, I hope to have the next chapter ready for you two weeks from now although in the mean time I will be posting the final part of One Night Stand, in thanks for everyone who reviewed and asked for a conclusion._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

Chapter preread by That Other Guy


	5. Floating Shadow Part 1

**02:5 – Floating Shadow – Part 1**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

The journey to Nerv was terrifying as usual, Misato breaking just about every traffic law imaginable as we headed across the city. When a car just missed us by the merest fraction of an inch, I subconsciously reached out and captured Shinji's hand in my own, the warmth of his palm comforting me to some extent. It was strange, for some reason he had chosen to sit in the back with me today rather than taking his usual position in the front seat next to Misato. I offered silent thanks to whatever force had caused this sudden change as I squeezed his hand gently as yet another car flew past, careening out of the way.

By the time we finally reached the main access way, I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't help but feel Misato's driving had been worse than usual today for some reason; normally it didn't bother me quite so much. I wondered for a moment how Shinji felt about it and risked a glance over at him only to find his eyes were closed…I wondered if he had closed them because he was afraid, hoping to shut out the world as it passed by. Observing him for a moment longer, I watched the regular pattern of his breathing, the way his chest rose and fell in a regular pattern. In that moment I finally realised…he was asleep. That he could have fallen asleep during such a nightmarish ride amazed me, truth be told I would have expected him to be more afraid than I was. For a moment, I wondered if the meek and apologetic boy I spent so much time ridiculing was truly the real Shinji, having both seen and heard of his actions in battle, it almost seemed as if there were two of him. My thoughts were interrupted when suddenly he opened his eyes and turned his head so he was looking right at me.

"Asuka…"

Despite myself, I felt shivers run up my spine as he spoke my name. I noticed his eyes had changed their focus, now looking down at the space between us…

"…can you let go of my hand?"

For a moment, I sat there, in a stunned silence, brain not fully able to comprehend what he had just asked. As I looked down, I finally realised what I had done subconsciously before and carefully released my grip upon his hand. He nodded his thanks before getting out of the car, I realised then that Misato was already outside when our little conversation took place. That was rather lucky, had our purple haired guardian heard or seen any of that, she wouldn't have stopped teasing me about it for months. Pushing the thought aside, I stepped out of the car and followed both Shinji and Misato towards the train that would take us down to the geofront, deep within the bowls of Nerv.

As we stepped off the train, we headed for one of the many moving walkways that frequented much of the main building, Misato separating off from us after a few moments, heading to the control area while we headed to the locker rooms. Shinji and I travelled in silence, following the events of this morning and what happened in the car I felt uncertain around him and so I felt unsure about starting a conversation. Instead I allowed my mind to slip back into my thoughts, trying to understand what it was that was forming between us…when I drew a blank I suddenly found myself needing to ask him something when he split off and disappeared into the men's locker room. It seemed for now I had lost my chance so I resolved to ask him once the tests were over.

Upon entering the women's locker room I found it empty, most likely wondergirl had already come and gone. I walked over to my locker and pulled it open, retrieving the bright red plug suit before depositing it on the bench and starting to take off the school uniform I had dressed myself in. As I slipped off my underwear and began to pull on the soon to be skin tight plug suit I allowed my mind to wander…my thoughts drifted back to the incident this morning, to what might have happened if Shinji had entered only a moment earlier, had entered the bathroom when I was still naked…most likely I would have screamed and slapped him, calling him a pervert. Although I had not been aware of it at the time, part of me had wanted him to ravish me right there, to touch me in the ways the Shinji from my dreams did…yet, I knew it was impossible. Shinji just was not like that; he had barely reacted that time when I explained thermal expansion, and that time I had been very nearly pushing my breasts in his face. I had glanced at him briefly at the time, wondering if he was suffering from a little 'thermal expansion' of his own, yet I found no evidence of a reaction. You would almost wonder if he actually liked girls but the brief flickering of desire I caught in his eyes confirmed that he was attracted. Most likely, he didn't respond to me that time for fear of what I would do to him, his fear overriding his hormone driven desires…it was ironic in a way, all this time I had been calling him a pervert and yet here I was wanting him to fulfil my cravings by touching me in intimate ways. I would have slipped deeper into my fantasy right then had it not been for an irritated sounding Misato coming over the intercom.

"Asuka! Hurry up and get your butt out here, we're ready to start."

I sighed before finishing zipping up my plug suit and depressing the button on my wrist that caused the suit to compresses, moulding to fit my form. I pushed the door to my locker closed and headed out, walking in the direction of the testing area.

The tests proceeded as usual; we sat in the test plugs, immersed in LCL, trying to synchronise our mind with our Evas through the various strange linkages that led from the testing room to the Eva cages and the Evas themselves. From what I had been able to glean from listening to Dr Akagi, this method was slightly less efficient than interfacing with the Evas directly but for some reason it was often preferred, something about binding…a moment later Misato's voice issued forth across the comm., interrupting my thoughts. When I heard those words issue forth from her lips it felt as if I had been stabbed. Never, since the time I had first begun my training had I been anything but the best. Always, mine was the highest synch ratio, despite Shinji's unprecedented advances.

Now it seemed that rather than slowing, as anyone would have expected, he had continued to climb, finally surpassing my ratio. He truly was the number one Evangelion pilot, first in both test scores and number of kills. The boy with no training, the boy who never stepped inside an Eva before he went out to do battle with the third angel, the boy who I called 'idiot' and 'pervert' so often, the boy who spent so much of his life apologising, the boy who hated his father yet who craved even a few words of praise from the man, the boy who I had started to care for had beaten me; and I hated him for it.

No sooner was I allowed to exit the entry plug I stalked over to where he waited, looking at me with the deep blue eyes, a mixture of elation and confusion written into his face. He opened his mouth as I closed the gap between us, no doubt to ask me something when I struck him hard across the face, rendering him silent. For a moment he simply stared at me, gaze never wavering, hurt leaking into his eyes even though his hand made not movement towards his face. Even as the flesh darkened and I was almost certain that it would bruise, he did not turn away. Once more, I found myself catching a glimpse into a different part of him, this one most likely the part that drove him into battle and turned him into the great slayer of angels. My temper flared as I began to feel he was mocking me, hiding beneath a weak exterior while beneath lay great strength while I, so hollow inside hid beneath a mask of strength. I fled from him then, running to the locker rooms, trying to force the image of his face from my mind.

On entering the locker room, I almost immediately pressed the button that depressurised my plug suit, letting it fall from my body and pool on the floor. Not caring about the suit, I left it where it lay, advancing in the direction of the showers, intent on washing away the blood like smell of LCL that clung to me. As the warm water washed over my body, memories of that morning flooded into me and I felt my anger rise at the memory of how he had looked at me. Where as before I had hungered for his touch, if not his gaze, now I could stand neither one. I wanted him to go far away from me, to stop mocking me with his soulful eyes. I turned the faucet and the water quickly turned to cold, even as I shivered beneath the freezing torrent I burned inside with deep-seated hatred, the blending of fire and ice purging my mind. When finally I tuned off the shower I was decided, I would allow him to effect me no longer, I would stand for no other position than that of top pilot and no one would stand in my way…not even Shinji.

I left Nerv soon after, heading off on my own as I could not bear the thought of returning to the apartment, too many reminders of him remained there, it would take quite some time before I could stomach their presence once again. I decided to head towards Hikari's, despite the fact it was still relatively early and she would most likely be at school by the time I reached there lessons should have ended and if I were lucky I would catch her just as she was arriving home. I seemed I was rather fortunate in that regard for as I stopped outside the door to her family's apartment she was just heading up the stairs leading into the building. When she finally reached where I was waiting, she looked at me with questioning eyes, silently asking what I was doing there. I shook my head in reply, indicating that I would rather talk inside. She sighed before moving forwards and opening the door and leading me inside.

She led me into the kitchen and indicated I should sit at the kitchen table while she made us some tea. As she brought it over and I sipped at it, I was once more struck by how bitter Japanese tea is, such bitterness…in so many ways my life was like this tea, so filled with bitterness. As we sat there and drank our tea in silence, I found the anger that at first had driven me fading into the background as it was replaced with a feeling of emptiness. When Hikari finally asked me what was wrong and I found myself unable to answer…I no longer wanted to tell her of what had happened with Shinji. I shifted the topic of conversation away from it, asking her instead about the days events at school.

It seemed that a number of things had happened in our absence, someone had started a rumour concerning myself and Shinji, indicating that we were more than simply co-workers. Hikari had moved to stop these rumours before they could get out of hand yet she informed me that her progress was slowed by the other two stooges continual references to myself and Shinji as the 'newlyweds'. A bit of ear pulling was all that it had required to obtain Suzahara's silence, Aida following suit for fear of being punished as well. The rumours had quietened after that yet still it seemed that questions remained in the minds of our classmates, she warned me to expect a grilling from the other girls when tomorrow.

We spoke for a while longer, the topic of conversation changing many times until finally I excused myself and departed, never once having allowed the topic of conversation to drift onto Shinji. I gave my farewells and left the apartment, heading towards the train station, intent on catching a train back to Misato's. I was still fairly early in the evening so it was not certain whether Misato would be home yet, she had indicated before that she had a lot of work to do. As I travelled alone in the near empty carriage I allowed my mind to wander and once more found my thoughts returning to Shinji…still the anger remained towards him, I was mad that he had beaten me even now. Yet, now I felt sorrow at how I had acted, beginning to realise that he had no choice in what he had done.

Sooner than I would have expected. I reached my station and departed the train, heading from the station back to the apartment building, wondering what I would do or say if Shinji was already there…as it turned out he was, already in the kitchen, part way through the act of creating what would most likely be tonight's dinner. If he noticed my entry into the apartment, he made no sign, his attention seemed to be focused entirely on his cooking. I slipped past where he worked, heading straight for my room. As yet I was still trying to sort my feelings out and for now I did not believe I could face him. I entered my room and pulled the door closed, laying down upon my futon and allowing my eyes to slide closed…I woke to the sound of Shinji's voice calling, saying that dinner was ready.

I ate in silence, never once speaking to Shinji nor Misato. Once or twice, I caught his eyes drifting towards me though I never returned his gaze, uncertain what my eyes might reveal. I did risk a quick glance when his eyes were elsewhere, my gaze immediately drawn to the darkened flesh upon his cheek where I had struck him earlier. I could tell it was slightly swollen and was still fairly red yet it seemed that I had done no lasting damage. Once I finished my food I departed the table without a word, returning to my room. There I undressed and slipped into my bed, praying silently for a dreamless sleep.

The next morning I woke once more from one of those dreams, although this time Shinji had been playing a dominant role, forcing me to submit to his will. The submissive posture was something I neither liked nor wanted, yet perhaps it had been my resentment towards his accomplishment that had crafted my dream in such a way. As ever I was left weak in the knees by the dream Shinji's actions, running to the shower at the first opportunity…my relaxation was soon to be interrupted when the angel alarms sounded, signalling the next angel had finally arrived. I fled from the shower, hurrying to get dressed and follow Misato down to her car. This time Shinji had returned to his usual place in the front of the car as we took off, Misato's driving if anything worse than the day before.

We arrived little more than moments later before we hurried to the locker rooms and then to our Eva's. Already the angel was hovering over the city although as yet it had made no move to attack. This angel was quite strange; it seemed to be little more than a black, striped sphere floating high above the ground. Across the comm. channels, I could hear the bridge crew arguing, something about the Magi being unable to confirm its pattern. I snorted in disgust at that statement, what else could it be other than an angel, nothing normal acted like that…a moment later Misato contacted us, issuing our orders. I was to take point while Shinji and wondergirl supported from behind. That in itself surprised me, Shinji now held the highest ratio, why shouldn't he lead the attack…I said as much over the comm. to Misato, she started to object before being cut off by Shinji. He took my place and almost immediately moved to engage the angel…

As soon as his first shot fired and the angel seemingly disappeared, I knew, something was not right. The shadow beneath his feet suddenly solidified, sucking Eva Unit-01 downwards along with the surrounding city. I heard someone screaming that the pattern had changed, now identified as blue, Misato calling for both myself and Rei to move away lest it devour our Eva's as well…yet, none of that mattered. The only sound I truly heard was Shinji's voice as he kept calling out, asking someone to help him…his cries continued right up until the point at which Unit-01 completely vanished before the sphere reappeared and the comm. with Unit-01 fell silent. In that instant, I felt a terrible regret burning inside me even as I already knew now it was too late…

Chapter preread by That Other Guy 


	6. Sea of Dirac

**02:6 – Inner Space**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

I woke that morning feeling somewhat light-headed, the protests from my mid-section informing me I was hungry, prompting me to get up and make something to eat. Knowing there was a synch test scheduled for today I decided that it would be a sensible idea; sitting in the plug for hours on an empty stomach was bound to effect not only my concentration but as the test usually went through lunch as well, therefore I would be feeling terrible by the time I got out. I headed out of my room and into the shower, letting the warm water wash the last dregs of sleep from my mind before returning to my room, dressing, and heading back out into the kitchen.

Misato emerged about half an hour later; she sat down at the table with a beer and began throwing it back as usual. I couldn't help but sigh at Misato's bad habits, she really does drink too much but I can't think of any way to tell her without a confrontation…shaking my head in defeat I turned my attention back to the stove and the simple breakfast I was making. I decided to go with traditional food this time; I don't feel up to making something western. I heard another door open and assumed Asuka had finally woken up. A moment later I heard her heading into the bathroom.

When only a few moments later Asuka screamed suddenly I almost dropped the pan I was holding. I carefully put it back on top of the cooker before dashing out of the kitchen, heading straight for the bathroom. As I arrived outside the door and hesitated, unsure of what to do. If I went inside without asking and she was ok she would kill me. Yet if something _were_ seriously wrong she might not be able to answer me…I decided I would try calling out, if she didn't respond then I would gather my courage and go inside. I knocked on the door before calling out.

"Asuka? Are you ok?"

I waited a moment yet no answer was forthcoming. Starting to feel worried, I knocked again, harder this time, before calling out again.

"Asuka? I'm coming in…"

I waited no more than a moment, secretly hoping that she would reply in her usual manner, with a stream of curse words most of which would be calling me a pervert. When there was nothing but silence still I gathered my courage and stepped inside…

"Asuka are you…ah!"

Only to be met by a very much conscious and seemingly ok, almost naked Asuka…I could feel my eyes widen as my mouth opened and closed without my consent, no doubt I looked like some kind of weird fish. I was sure that I saw a twinkle of amusement in Asuka's eyes before I got a hold of myself and managed to turn away. My cheeks felt as I they were burning, I had little doubt that I was blushing heavily.

"I'm sorry…"

I held my breath, waiting for the verbal chastisement that would inevitably follow one of my apologies…but it never came. I was caught a little off guard when I heard Asuka approaching me and positively shocked when she started pushing me out of the bathroom. I actually protested slightly, although I later realised what that must have sounded like…I was protesting leaving the bathroom when Asuka was trying to take a shower and was practically naked, if that wasn't perverted I don't know what was. I don't think Asuka realised because once she got me outside she simply pulled the door closed without another word. Breathing a sigh of relief at my narrow escape and the fact that Asuka was indeed ok I headed back to the kitchen, already I could detect the faint smells of the now burning breakfast.

After Asuka joined us and we finished our breakfast we headed down to Misato's car before heading off to Nerv, the tests were scheduled to begin in just over half an hour. For some reason I chose to sit in the back this time, something telling me to stick close to Asuka. It was not long after we pulled away from the apartment that my lack of sleep caught up with me, causing me to nod off almost immediately. For once, my sleep was dreamless although at once point I was almost certain that I could feel something warm encircling my hand.

When I finally woke up, we had already arrived at Nerv, Misato already having exited the car. It was then I realised that something warm was indeed wrapped around my hand; opening my eyes I discovered it was Asuka's. I turned my head to look at her, meeting her gaze with my own. There was something there, something that I did not fully understand yet seemed almost like…no, I pushed my thoughts away from that, turning them back to the matter at hand…literally.

"Asuka…"

Her eyes shifted slightly, her look changing to a questioning one. I turned my gaze downwards slightly so I was now facing the space between us, looking at how her hand covered mine.

"…can you let go of my hand?"

She didn't react for a moment and I wondered if she had heard me…then, suddenly she pulled it away sharply as if it were burned. Not really wanting to read into it any further I simply nodded my thanks and stepped out of the car, Asuka following a moment later. The three of us then headed onto one of the many trains that lead down to the Geofront, in preparation for our synch test to begin.

When we stepped off the train we separated from Misato, she was headed of for the control room while we headed towards the locker rooms. We walked in silence, I had no idea what to say to Asuka, and anyway she seemed to be lost in her thoughts. I split off from her when we reached the men's locker room, finding it empty as always…sometimes I wonder why it is that there are two female pilots but only one male. Is there something about the Eva's that makes them easier for girls to pilot? I continued with this odd train of thought as I got undressed and pulled on my plug suit, depressing the button my wrist to let it fit to my body before heading to the testing area.

I don't know what it is exactly but no matter how many times I am stuck inside here, it always feels different from being inside Unit-01. I don't feel the same sense of connection I get when I'm in my Eva; the test plugs feel almost hollow…I was pulled out of my thoughts when suddenly Misato's voice drifted across the comm., I looked up at the monitor to see her smiling at me before announcing that I was now number one.

I was shocked to say the least…never before had I been the best at anything. Always in the past I was overlooked in favour of others more talented or gifted than myself yet here it seemed I had finally found something I was good at. I was pleased by Misato's words although in truth I wished they had come from my father, as much as I still hated him I at the same time wanted him to be proud of me, to acknowledge what I had done. It's stupid really, that's why Asuka constantly taunts me about it.

The test ended not long after and as I exited the test plug, I soon found myself greeted by an angry looking Asuka. She stormed over; fire in her eyes and at once I knew something was terribly wrong. I opened my mouth to ask her but was cut off when her hand connected with the side of my face…I simply started at her then, shocked by her sudden violent action. I could already feel my cheek swelling and for a moment, I considered going to see Dr Akagi after changing. She held my gaze for another instant before fleeing, heading off in the direction of the women's locker room.

I headed back to the men's not long after, getting changed in silence. I decided that my cheek would be ok, I pressed a damp cloth against it for a little while and that had eased most of the pain. A trip to the doctor would just raise questions, ones that I didn't really want to be answering right now…I took a bus back to the apartment as Misato had to remain, she had paperwork to do as always. When I arrived I found the apartment empty, it seemed that Asuka was yet to return. Sighing heavily at the enigma that is girls, I went to my room and retrieved my homework before going into the living room and making a start.

I started dinner a few hours later. It wasn't long after I had begun that Asuka finally arrived, and Misato had finally come back about half an hour earlier. We ate in silence, none of us willing to start a conversation. I glanced over at her a few times while we were eating but she kept avoiding my gaze. To be honest I still don't know why she's so mad at me and I don't think she's going to talk to me so I can find out…I considered talking to Misato for a while but I realised it would probably end up in a teasing session and another lecture on the birds and the bees. That was certainly an experience I would love to forget…I cleaned up the plates and put them in the sink to soak overnight, I could wash them up in the morning. That done I went to bed, thoughts of Asuka still drifting through my mind.

My sleep was haunted by dreams of Asuka and when morning finally came I resolved myself to speak with her, to find out what had gotten her so mad at me…fate, it seemed has other ideas. Soon after I had taken my shower and headed to the kitchen to begin breakfast the familiar sounds of the Angel alarms flared into life and Misato immediately hurried us both out of the apartment. The tension between Asuka and I was almost palpable, she still seemed to be angry with me and I was as yet unable to fully discern the cause. From what I could tell it had something to do with the synch tests yesterday although what exactly had bothered her that much still eluded me. Despite the fact we have been living together for many months now I still find it hard to understand Asuka…I remember Mr. Kaji saying something to me about it. He said Asuka was…bipolar?

It seemed that Misato sensed the tension between us because when we reached the car she silently motioned for me to sit in the front while Asuka sat in the back. This of course meant I lost yet another chance to speak with her and I silently hoped a chance would present itself once we reached Nerv…it was not to be however because on arrival we were hurried off to our respective locker rooms, not getting a chance to speak. As I pulled off my clothes and pulled on my plug suit, I silently vowed that I would speak with her after the battle. I pressed the button on my wrist and the suit contracted, now ready I ran out of the locker room and made for the Eva cages, heading straight for Unit-01.

Asuka and I arrived at almost the same time and once we were both securely inside our Evas all three Eva series were launched, positioned at key points across the city. According to what I was told the objective was to surround the Angel, hence why we had been deployed in a crude triangle formation. Misato's initial orders were for us to hold back, not to engage the Angel. The Magi had yet to reach a decision and until that happened we were to proceed with extreme caution. I positioned myself behind a building and waited, most likely Rei and Asuka doing the same.

It took a few moments for the other two Evas to report they too were in position before Misato came over the radio once again with our new orders. Asuka was to engage the Angel while Rei and I supported her, it was just the kind of plan Asuka usually loved so I was truly surprised when she objected. She told Misato that I should lead rather than her; after all, I had the highest synch ratio after all. As I listened to her words pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place but complete understanding still evaded my grasp. I could hear the venom dripping from her words as she spoke, almost as if she was mocking me…

_This time I won't run away!_

I cut Misato off as she tried to object, telling her I could handle it. A moment later when the Angel swept by the building I was currently hiding behind I broke cover and attacked…right before all hell broke lose…

I never would have expected the Angel to disappear only moments before a great black shadow formed beneath me and began to draw Unit-01 inside. I began to call out for help, despite knowing that no one could help me. Neither of the other Evas were in range and even if they had been, they would most likely be swallowed as well. I aimed my gun downwards and fired of the remaining rounds into the inky black surface but to no avail, the shadow seemed unaffected and I continued to sink at an even rate.

Soon Unit-01 had sunk up to its chest and already I could see the shadow's surface at the bottom of the plug. I pulled my knees to my chest as I continued to cry out, even as the shadow rose up and consumed me as the last of Unit-01 was drawn inside. I heard faint voices calling out to me a moment before all communication was lost. Now, trapped inside the Angel, unable to see anything outside I switched the Eva into life support mode, the power cable already having been disconnected leaving me with little time. The energy reserves might last a few hours in this way but eventually they were going to run out and I would die, suffocated inside the entry plug of my Eva. I curled myself up tighter, trying to conserve what body heat I still retained while I silently waited, hoping that someone would come to my rescue before it was too late.

I spent the next few hours drifting in and out of hallucinations, losing myself into fragments of old memories even as I argued with a younger version of myself. For one brief moment, I thought I caught sight of a memory of my mother before it was lost in the maelstrom of sights and sounds. Waking briefly I checked the monitor on the forearm of my plug suit, already it had used over half it's reserves, checking the Eva it seemed it had also dropped to a little below fifty percent as well. Only a few hours remained now, soon the life support would start to fade and death would come to take me away from this place…

I didn't wake again for quite a while, this time my mind filed with thoughts of Asuka. It seemed that now I would never be able to find out why she was angry…never be able to explain to her why I pulled away…never tell her how I had begun to feel about her. The scent of blood filled my nostrils and at once I realised the LCL filtration system was shutting down, it would only be a little longer before I suffocated. I panicked then, suddenly driven by a fierce desire to escape from this place, a wish not to die here…it was then I felt it. A presence inside the Eva beside my own…it was familiar yet alien, comforting yet it made me afraid. As moments past it grew stronger, filling me with its power, with its rage. My mind and the Eva's were joined; it too had no wish to meet its end in this place.

Summoning our strength, we began to move, drawing on reserves we did not know we had. Once more we came alive, tearing at our prison as our AT field expanded. We could feel it; trying to resist us…we struck out at it, one arm tearing free as we ripped through the walls of our prison. Then, the other arm broke free as we began to tear it apart from the inside. Soon, the whole thing collapsed about us, peeling back like the skin of a fruit, once more opening us up to the world. We tore what remained of our enemy apart before landing upon the ground drenched in its blood. We let out a great cry of triumph and as our scream echoed throughout the city, I felt myself slipping away, the thrill of battle, the power, and the hunger drifting away from me as I returned to myself. The last thing I saw as I lapsed into unconsciousness was the faint outline of a woman, smiling faintly at me.

"Mother…"

_A/N: Well, not quite a Christmas chapter but the next update none the less. The new year is going to be a really busy time for me so updates may or may not run to schedule, I will try my best to keep them at every two weeks. In addition I have a Christmas one shot planned, late not I know but will try and post it in the next few days when it's done._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	7. Floating Shadow Part 2

**02:7 – Floating Shadow – Part 2**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

I felt tears burning my eyes before they were lost amongst the LCL that surrounded me, even as I looked at the place where, but a moment before, Unit-01 had stood. I think I began to understand something then, I began to see what it was that drove Shinji to pilot an Eva. I heard a story from Misato a while ago, she told me that when Shinji first arrived at Nerv he refused to pilot, the Commander had ordered the First Child brought out, despite the fact she was injured. From what she told me something had happened and Shinji had moved to protect her even as the Eva had somehow moved, trying to protect him. A moment later, he had been on his feet, her blood on his hands screaming at his father to let him pilot the biomechanical beast he had shunned but a moment before. He did not pilot it because he was proud to be a pilot, nor did he do it because someone ordered him to, no, he did it to protect someone, and now he is doing it to protect me…

If only I had realised, that was why he had been so ready to take my place. I could almost see the workings of his mind; he must have planned to defeat the Angel alone, before either Wonder girl or I were engaged…that idiot! I swear when he comes back I am going to give him a piece of my mind…that is, if he comes back at all…

"Asuka! Rei! Get out of there!"

My thoughts were interrupted by Misato's voice; I only just registered the fact she was ordering us to retreat. I turned my attention to Unit-00 and noticed the blue Eva was already moving away, heading towards one of the many elevators that would carry an Eva down to the geofront. I felt my anger rising now, this time not at myself but rather at everyone else. How could Misato order us to retreat when Shinji is still in there, how can wondergirl so calmly walk away when we don't know if her fellow pilot is alive or dead…I won't leave him, I won't leave him alone to die!

I started to move, building up speed to charge the Angel, to exact bloody revenge for what it had done to Shinji and perhaps although it was the faintest glimmer of hope, rescue him from within its murky depths. Once again, Misato's voice issued forth from a comm. window, this time her voice strained and angry.

"Asuka! What the hell do you think you're doing! Get out of there at once! That's an order! We cannot afford to lose a second Eva!"

"No."

I snapped back, filling that single word with all the venom I could muster as I continued my charge. Without warning my Eva suddenly froze, halting mid run. I desperately pulled on the controls, wondering what had happened only to realise that they had severed the nerve connections. I was cut off from my Eva; no longer was I able to give it commands, now little more than a prisoner in this biomechanical shell. I could only watch as Unit-00 approached and took hold of Unit-02 before dragging it towards an elevator and sending me into the earth below.

As the sky vanished from sight the last thing I saw was the dark and ominous shape of the Angel, as it remained floating above the city, a constant reminder of the fate that awaited us all, the darkness that had already claimed Shinji…

Once Unit-02 was secured within its cage the plug was ejected and I was pulled out before being escorted to a holding cell by a pair of Section-2 agents. Shortly after I was pushed inside, Misato finally arrived, dismissing the two agents almost immediately. They bowed before leaving, the two of us now alone in the cell. Misato closed the door without a word before indicating that I should sit down on the small bed provided. Once I was seated, she positioned herself in front of me before finally breaking the silence and proceeding to chew me out.

"What the hell do you think you were doing Asuka? You disobeyed a direct order; not only did you put yourself and your fellow pilot in danger, your irresponsible actions could have lead to the loss of Unit-02 as well. Do you have any idea what would happen if we were left with only one operational Eva unit?"

She paused for a moment, making eye contact for a brief moment before resuming her tirade.

"Asuka…are you even listening to me? The Commander is considering revoking your status as a pilot and possibly even having charges brought against you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Where's Shinji?"

As soon as those two words fell from my lips Misato's whole body stiffened. Her eyes widened at first and I caught a brief glimpse of a storm of unfamiliar emotions behind her eyes. Then, as quickly as it had come the look was gone although I was sure that I could see something glistening at the corners of her eyes…

"At present Unit-01 remains trapped within the Angel, as to the status of the pilot we have no idea. At present, we believe he has approximately eleven hours of life support, after which time the systems will fail and he will suffocate."

Her tone was flat and for one who did not know they would have truly believed she cared nothing for the person of which she spoke. However, I had lived with Misato long enough to know the signs, the way her hands trembled so she kept them curled into fists, going so far as to allow her nails to dig into her palms. The way her eyes glistened with what I now knew to be unshed tears, she truly believed there was no hope for Shinji; she already spoke of him as if he were already dead…

"No!"

I leapt at her then, fuelled by a mixture of rage and sadness, unwilling to accept it. I beat my fists against her chest while screaming over and over again, calling out his name. I felt her arms wrap around me and a moment later, she began to cry as well. When she, at last, dried her eyes, the seriousness returned to her face as she warned me one last time.

"Asuka, you have to promise me that you won't try anything like that again. The Commander was very upset…he will not tolerate this a second time. Ok?"

Knowing nothing else I could do I simply nodded in agreement before Misato helped me off the floor and onto the bed once again.

"Rest for a while, I'll come and get you when the Commander calms down."

Without further comment, she left me…alone with my thoughts.

I drifted in and out of a fitful sleep, caught between waking and sleeping nightmares, all about Shinji. Misato's words still haunted me; I knew that with every moment that passed Shinji's chances of survival lessened as a little more of the Eva's reserves were drained. I could not help but wonder what he would be doing right now, what he would be thinking of as he lay trapped inside his Eva, waiting for his life to end…

_Asuka..._

I almost jumped when I heard what almost sounded like his voice; I frantically began to search around me, desperately trying to find where his voice was coming from. At first, it seemed to be coming from all around me until I turned around and saw something moving in the shadows…

_Asuka..._

The voice seemed louder that time, so I stepped a little closer. I began to be able to make out a figure in the darkness, the silhouette similar to Shinji's.

"Shinji? How did you get here? What happened to the Angel?"

_Asuka…_

I stepped even closer, trying to catch a glimpse of his face despite the fact he remained cast in shadow. Strange scents began to assault my nose but I ignored them, even as I pushed down the fear that threatened to overwhelm me. I could not understand how he had come to be here but at least he was with me now, at least he was safe…

_Help me…_

The tone of his voice had changed slightly, going from the dulcet tones now to one of greater urgency. I noticed this time that despite the fact I was closer now his voice still sounded as if it came from far away…I pressed my hands against my ears, and shook my head, trying to shut out the worries that plagued me. When he spoke once again, I was shocked to find I heard his words perfectly and in that moment I realised I was not hearing him with my ears but rather my mind…

_Help me!_

His voice had risen to a scream as those two words exploded inside my mind. I stumbled and lost my footing, dropping to my knees, as I looked up he stepped forwards from the shadows, at last the light finally illuminating his face…

His eyes were hollow, fixed forever in the empty gaze of death. His flesh had paled and in this light seemed almost grey even as part of it had begun to come lose with decay revealing the tissue and bone beneath. The scent of blood and rotting meat overpowered my senses and in a blind panic, I tried to scramble away. I quickly found my flight blocked by the opposite wall of the holding cell, the cold metal, and an impassable barrier to me. I had nowhere left to go even as he continued to close in on me, once more the stench of death growing stronger. I began to claw at the wall desperately, crying out repeatedly, begging someone, anyone to help me, to save me from the nightmare that with each passing heartbeat drew ever closer to me…

"Shinji!"

I woke up screaming, breathing heavily as I still shook from the nightmare I just awoke from. The blood like smell of the LCL that had now dried onto my plug suit and hair only served to remind me of the image that now burned in my mind, the sight of the dead Shinji…my thoughts were interrupted when the door to the cell opened once again and Misato stepped inside.

"Asuka…it's time."

Steeling myself as I shook off what remained of my nightmare, I followed Misato without a word. We went from my cell, traversing many corridors as she led me through the bowels of Nerv. I was surprised when I found myself on familiar ground, not the Commander's office as I had expected but instead the entryway for the Eva cages. As she turned to face me, I looked at up her, seeking an answer as to why she had brought me here.

"We are about to launch the final attack on the Angel; the Commander wants both Eva's on standby."

For a moment, I stood there, slowly digesting this latest piece of information. Something about what Misato said seemed wrong although I couldn't quite put my finger on it…brushing my thoughts aside I walked the rest of the way to my Eva before being helped into the entry plug, the hatch shutting behind me. I slid into the familiar seat, booting up the Eva's systems as it was loaded onto one of the transports, slowly being hauled over to the launch elevator.

Once Unit-02 was locked into place, the transport retreated, clearing the area. Finally everything was ready, only moments remained until I launched…it was in that instant Misato's words came back to me

_We are about to launch the final attack on the Angel; the Commander wants both Eva's on standby._

Standby? What was going on, that must mean that had something else planned something that would not involve the remaining Eva's. Desperate to find out I opened a channel to the command centre, just in time to catch the end of a conversation, Misato was apparently speaking to one of the JSDF commanders, something about dropping N2 mines into the Angel…

"Mi…"

My words were cut off as Unit-02 rocketed skywards, the g-forces, even through the LCL, still having enough effect to snap my jaw shut. Seconds later Unit-02 emerged on the surface and despite the pain; I pushed my mouth open, screaming into the comm. windows I still had open, asking what the hell was going on. Almost immediately, I was greeted by a woman's face, the female tech, Lt. Ibuki I think her name is.

"Asuka? What are you talking about? The operation is about to commence, you should be focused on your job."

"Shisse! What operation? What the hell is happening!"

Her face went blank for an instant and when she next spoke, it was in hushed tones.

"Asuka…didn't anyone tell you? They are planning to drop all the remaining N2 mines directly into the centre of the Angel in hopes of destroying it."

_But that would mean…_

"But what about the pilot? What about Shinji!"

"I'm sorry Asuka…"

_No! They cannot do this to him! How can Misato let the commander do something like this! How can she betray him this way!_

My thoughts were silenced by a blood-curdling scream; I looked up finding that it seemed to have come from the Angel. I continued to watch as suddenly the surface expanded then exploded outwards showing blood everywhere. Sticking out from the hole was a crimson stained purple hand, the right arm of the purple Eva. As I continued to gaze in a mixture of hope and horror a second hand emerged before the two gripped at the side of the hole they had created, widening it further. A moment later, the once familiar face of Unit-01 appeared although now I hardly recognised it as its mouth hung open letting out endless bestial cries.

It began to pull its shoulders free; slowly working its way out of the Angel. For a moment, it seemed to be struggling, almost as if the Angel was fighting against its escape. Then, with an almighty cry it finally tore the Angel apart, leaving the berserk Eva standing in a sea of crimson. As I looked on the bloodied form of Unit-01, for the first time in my life I found myself afraid of an Eva.

"Mein gott…is that what I'm piloting?"

I stood outside the door to Shinji's hospital room lost in silent contemplation. As soon as Shinji was pulled from his Eva they had rushed him to the hospital, he had been drifting in and out of consciousness, mumbling incoherently. Amongst the random jumble of words, I heard him speak my name and all at once, wrenching my mind back to my nightmare that had haunted me as I lay in that cell. I looked down into his face, hoping to see his eyes open, to have those familiar blue orbs gaze up at me with a familiar mix of confusion and apprehension as he called my name…

"…Mother…"

He kept saying that, over and over, repeating that single word. I could not help but wonder…from the reports I had read before coming to Japan, Shinji's mother had died when he was four years old, killed in some kind of lab accident. At the time that had sparked my interest and I had tried to find out more only to find that any additional information was classified. What could it have been that she was doing that meant the records had been sealed…could it have been something relating to Eva?

My thoughts were broken when a loud beeping noise erupted from the monitor currently connected to Shinji. The screen now showed a flat line where a moment before it had been showing the steady pattern of his heart beat. The doctors sitting in the emergency vehicle with me began to panic, pushing me out of the way, as they moved about.

"He's going into d-fib! Charge the paddles! Give me 50!"

One them was now standing over him holding a pair defibrillator panels waiting while a second medic was charging the device

"Clear!"

The first man pressed the panels onto Shinji's now bare chest and his body jolted upwards as the electric shock coursed through him. Still, the line remained flat…

"Dammit! Clear!"

Once again, I watched as the medic pushed the panels onto the Shinji's chest and his body spasmed. My breath caught in my throat as I waited to see the outcome, if he would come back or simply slip away…when the slow and rhythmic beep returned I almost fainted, watching as the small peaks returned to the monitor signifying that his heart had once again begun to beat. When we arrived, he was rushed off to the emergency room while I was directed to an area where I could sit and wait. I could do nothing now but silently pray for his safety, his life lay in the hands of these people. About half an hour later, a nurse finally came to get me, informing me that he was now stable and had been taken to a room to recover.

I walked over there, hesitantly, unsure what to say. After all, what had happened to him was partly my responsibility, seeing as I had basically dared him to take the point position. Unsure how he would react to me I remained outside, a war of indecision raging in my mind. So lost in my thoughts was I that I barely even noticed when somebody swept past me and stepped inside, somebody with blue hair and red eyes…

_A/N: Well unfortunately chapter 6 didn't do too well, most likely because it was posted at Christmas. I hope this one does a bit better…_

_Oh and sorry about the Christmas tale I promised, ran out of time and never got to finish it. Will try again this year._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	8. Patience

**02:8 – Patience**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

I could feel that unfamiliar emotion stirring inside of me once again. In the past few days, it has been bothering me, flaring up when I am close to him. Initially I considered asking someone about this feeling, then realising that would be foolish; the Commander believed such things to be without purpose and thus I should not allow myself to experience them…yet, I found myself unable, or perhaps unwilling to let those feelings go. In order to keep this change in myself a secret I decided to seek knowledge elsewhere, visiting the school library. I found a number of books there, many of which described the reactions I was having to Ikari. Apparently, I was attracted to him and wished to engage in 'sexual relations'. In other words I wished to become one with him…

I was puzzled by this most basic of human interactions so I decided to delve further, requesting directs from the female librarian as to where the books on sex could be found. I was surprised when the woman flushed slightly, blood rushing to her cheeks as she pointed me to the shelves near the back of the library. I did not fully understand the cause of her behaviour, perhaps it was to do with the fact that according to a number of sources I had consulted, the open discussion of sex among adult was often frowned upon and considered embarrassing. On arriving at my destination, I began to skim the shelves, looking for suitable reference material. I located two such titles and quickly returned with them to the desk, requesting to check them both out. The librarian flushed once again when she read the titles before checking them out and handing them to me. I thanked her quietly and departed, choosing to return to my apartment to study the books more thoroughly.

I read both books numerous times over the next few days along with a few others that I had obtained previously. Of particular interest was one book I had found, a discussion of teenage courting rituals, apparently if this book was to be believed, the Second was currently courting the Third, her aggressive behaviour towards him a way of catching his attention and the insults and derogatory comments a way of warding off the interest of rival females. This of course might prove to be a problem, especially if the Second refused to relinquish her claim. To my knowledge neither one of us has had formal combat training thus any resultant conflict over the Third Child would likely be long, drawn out and messy: an unacceptable state of affairs.

A more suitable method would be to approach Ikari directly, binding him to me without alerting Soryu to my intentions. This was a far more suitable plan although it would require the right conditions to be put into action…the synch test later that day provided ample opportunity the Second Child was distinctly unhappy with the Third as he had now passed her synch ratio. From what I have seen she takes great pride in having the highest synch ration, despite the fact it bears little relation to battle performance. At present Ikari has defeated the majority of Angels to emerge so far; his kill total is far in advance of that of Soryu. Even so, she remains blind to this reality, a fact that I may well be able to turn to my advantage. I departed the locker room quickly, leaving Soryu to rant.

I found Ikari shortly afterwards although from the expression on his face I judged that this would not be a good time to approach him. It also came to my attention that his face was somewhat swollen, the faint outline of a hand indicating that the Second must have slapped him. When he departed I considered following him but decided against it, it would be best if I bided my time and found a better opportunity to present myself.

The following day the next Angel had surfaced, throwing everything into disarray. I was pleased to find the Second was still angry with the Third although it displeased me greatly when she caused him to be placed into greater danger. In truth I had been surprised by his actions, I would not have expected him to react to her taunts in that way. It seemed that the Second was thinking along similar lines, as she remained silent.

I do not believe that anyone was prepared for what was to happen next…when Unit-01 engaged the Angel unsuccessfully before being consumed I felt a different emotion assault me, however as this time I had no point of reference I could give it no name. The only way I could describe I was as a kind of emptiness, a hollow feeling centred on my chest…it was wiped a way when another emotion flared although this one I recognised…anger. I was angry with the Second. Had it not been for her behaviour, Ikari would not have been placed in danger. I would rather that she had been the one to be taken, leaving Ikari and I alone together. I am sure that he would mourn her death at first, as is the custom, his weakened emotional state being the perfect time for me to take action.

Now, that had all been taken away…irony, I believe that is the word for the actions the Second took after she realised the full extent of what she had done. Major Katsuragi ordered a retreat yet the Second refused, disobeying a direct order and endangering a second Evangelion. When she was finally retrieved I was sure that the Commander would strip her of her piloting privileges yet he only disciplined her, using the loss of her pilot status as way to keep her in line while leaving her in one of the holding cells to allow it to sink in. This must have meant that he still had plans for her; it was my hope that they would be over soon…

The next few hours saw the command staff in a near frenzy, it seemed that as yet they had been unable to find a way to retrieve Unit-01. I was beginning to feel the emotion called worry, with each passing second the energy reserves of Unit-01 would be getting lower and the chances of Ikari being rescued becoming slimmer…I was surprised to find that during the brief time I had been lost in my thoughts a decision had been made. The plan, as outlined by Dr Akagi, was to use all existing N2 mines held by the JSDF and drop them into the direct centre of the Angel hopefully tearing open a hole into its inner dimension, the Dirac Sea, and destroying it from the inside.

This would of course have little effect on Unit-01, its armour was more than strong enough to survive even such a concentrated explosion, even if it would receive quite major damage in the process. The pilot however would be a different story…despite the armour that encases the Eva it only has limited radiation shielding. Against a single N2 mine the radiation could be blocked but with such a high concentration it would be able to bypass the shielding and reach the pilot. Such a high concentration of gamma radiation would kill the pilot almost instantly, reducing their body to little more than ashes.

I felt a strange combination of emotions assault me…sadness at the fate Ikari would suffer and at the same time, for the first time in my life, anger towards the Commander. I could not understand why he was so ready to allow Ikari to die, according to what people had told me parents were supposed to care for their children…did the Commander not care if his son dies? He has often spoken to me of the woman who mothered Ikari, how he wishes to be reunited with her and how I am the key to that goal. Will she not be angry that he allowed their son to die? Has she not already shown her displeasure at his being placed in danger? It is something I cannot understand…all I know is that the Commander has made his decision and I must accept it, no matter what my feelings are on the subject.

Strange…but I feel my eyes burning. Reaching up a hand to my face it comes away wet, tiny drops of water sitting upon my palm. I have never cried before, am I crying because of Ikari? Perhaps…I will need to study this further.

The time has finally come for the beginning of the operation; Soryu has been retrieved from the cells and put back in Unit-02. I am surprised she has taken this so calmly, based on her past behaviour I would have expected a violent reaction to this operation, in particular now following her actions before her Eva was recalled. Perhaps…no one has yet informed her of the details of the operation, that would be the most logical conclusion. Although I still wish it was she who had been captured rather than Ikari such desires matter not now, in a few moments the operation will commence and everything will come to an end.

I was surprised by a sudden outburst from Soryu, wondering what was going on I monitored her conversation with Lt Ibuki. It seemed as if the Second would try and do something, no doubt in vain considering only seconds were left…then everything changed. The silence was filled with an inhuman cry of rage, the guttural roar of a berserk Evangelion. Evan as I watched Unit-01 began to tear itself free of the Angel, a crimson rain falling across the city as the Angel was ripped apart from the inside out. Soon Unit-01 stood there, free at last of the prison that bound it, howling its victory, wearing down the last of its rage. The silence was short lived for even as Unit-01 at last returned to being dormant; hordes of rescue and clean up crews went into action.

According to the numerous communications it appeared that Ikari was alive although unconscious. There had been some form of complication as they had been pulling him out and as such he was now being rushed to the hospital, medical staff already being prepped for his arrival. I was shocked to learn that the Second had abandoned her Eva, not waiting for a debriefing but instead insisting that she accompany him as he was ferried away by an ambulance. I felt angry that she would be the one to watch over him, yet my logical mind reminded me that in doing so she had once again disregarded her duty, something she was sure to be punished for later.

The debriefing was short and to the point. Unit-01 had somehow managed to pierce the pocket dimension formed by the Sea of Dirac using its own AT field, allowing it an exit point large enough for it to attack the Angel. It had further widened this point until it had grown large enough for the entire Eva to break through and tear apart the rest of the Angel. The hypothesis went that Dirac Sea it self formed the core of the Angel, when that was ruptured the Angel was weakened and its eventually destruction destroyed the Angel utterly.

At present Unit-01 had now been transferred to the Eva cages along with Unit-02 for inspection. Apparently the initial reports indicated now structural damage, the armour was fully intact and the internal systems had suffered no permanent damage. This would mean that Ikari would be expected to be back on duty as soon as he was released from the hospital. Seeing as there were currently no other duties requiring my immediate attention I requested to be excused, intending to travel to the medical facility and visit Ikari.

The Commander nodded his approval and I departed the briefing room immediately, heading to the locker room to change. On arriving I took a brief shower, I find the smell of LCL to be…unpleasant, when dry it gives off a smell reminiscent of blood. As I stood beneath the warm water I was suddenly struck by an unexpected idea; the thought of asking Ikari to join me. During my studies I had discovered that the shower was a prime location for couples wishing to be adventurous in their lovemaking, the standing posture it forced could be rewarding for both parties. Storing that thought away for later I stepped out of the shower and towelled myself dry.

From my locker I pulled out my school uniform, apart from my plug suit these are the only other clothes I own. Up until now there has been little use for any other forms of clothing but whilst in pursuit of my target it may be advisable to purchase something more appropriate…the majority of texts I have read indicate that clothing that partially reveals the bare skin beneath is particularly exciting to males. I am not fully sure why this should work, after all Ikari has already seen me naked…

One again I decide that this is something to be considered at a later date, for the time being I must focus on my objective, obtaining the current status of the Third Child and the likely time required for his recovery. With luck it will provide sufficient time for me to formulate a suitable way to deal with the Second, if she is out of the way before he has fully recovered it will make my seduction of him all the easier.

On arriving at the hospital and enquiring as to whereabouts of Pilot Ikari, I was directed to a room on the first floor. On arriving I found pilot Soryu standing outside, her eyes were open but unfocused, apparently her thoughts are elsewhere. Now would most likely be the best time to enter so I walked straight past her, taking note of the fact she did not move to prevent me.

On entering, I found Ikari lying motionless save for the rise and fall of his chest. A series of monitors are connected to him, many of which I did not recognise. The only instrument I was able to identify the heart monitor which represented his heart beat with a simple soft tone. The beats were regular at present although the fact that they have him linked to such a machine would suggest that it was not always so, it would seem that the injuries he sustained were more serious than I had at first thought.

As I began to move closer, planning to examine him more closely someone shouted out from behind me.

"Get away from him!"

I turned to find pilot Soryu standing in the doorway, a mix of rage and disgust swirling across her eyes and over her face. When I made no attempt to move away from Ikari she advanced slightly, her fist clenched at her sides.

"I said get away from him Wonder girl!"

Her tone was rising in pitch, indicating her increasing levels of rage. I knew that if this continued it would deteriorate into a physical confrontation. As much as I was aware of the fact that the Second and I are roughly evenly matched physically I consider it beneath me to be forced to resort to such crude methods. This can be settled in other ways, for now it will do me no good to fight Soryu on her own terms…without a word I start to leave, leaving the Second frustrated. No doubt she expected me to fight her…

As I reached the door I stopped for a moment, choosing not to leave without one final remark.

"You cannot have him Soryu."

Without bothering to wait for her screamed reply I departed, heading back to my apartment.

If nothing else the Commander has taught me patience. In the end she will be her own undoing, all I have to do is wait…

_A/N: And so chapter 8 finally arrives. Thank you everyone for being patient, in another two weeks I will try to get out chapter 9 but please bear with me, work is pilling on the pressure atm._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	9. Awakening

**02:9 – Awakening**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

The last thing I could remember clearly was sitting in the entry plug of Unit-01, waiting to die. Everything that followed is hazy, fractured images of what I think was my mother interspersed with what sounded like Asuka calling my name. I saw people all around me, so many faces I did not know, all of them speaking, a concert of voices speaking words I could not understand. I knew neither where I was nor what was happening even as the urge to sleep became overpowering…surrendering at last to oblivion's warm embrace I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

When, at last, I woke my head was spinning and there was a bitter taste in my mouth reminiscent of my own bile. I tried to open my eyes but found them resistant, the eyelids held by the last vestiges of sleep. I tried to reach up with my left arm and rub them away only to find I was unable to move my appendage. Forcing my eyes open finally I turned my bleary gaze to my left side, looking down at my arm. I was shocked to find that there were a multitude of tubes and wires protruding from it and the wrist was bound securely to the frame of the bed. While this discovery confirmed to me the fact I was presently in the Tokyo-3 hospital I failed to understand why such devices were there, they had not placed such things on me the other times I had been injured.

Puzzling over what could have happened to warrant such things I slowly rolled my head to my right side, looking to see if my other arm was bound in a similar fashion, as it would not move when I tried to move it towards my face. The sight that greeted me both shocked and confused me, the sight of Asuka sleeping gently, head cradled upon my arm. Of all the things I had seen in the past months none surprised me more than this. I would admit that Asuka has been acting strangely of late and perhaps at time I have even begun to believe that she might like me only to have my hopes dashed each time when she later lashes out in anger towards me. For her to be lying there like that…so close to me…I think the world must be going to end.

Torn by conflicting desires, to allow her to sleep and marvel at her beauty while she cannot see me doing it and risk her getting mad at me later or wake her up and risk her wrath now but at least she won't be able to accuse me of anything…in light of our last words to one another I decided I would wake her, she had been angry with me then and I saw no reason to give her more to be mad at me about.

"Asuka…"

I called her name softly, hoping that would be enough to wake her. However, rather than rousing she remained asleep, her head nestling closer against my arm as she breathed out a single word.

"Shinji…"

The way she said my name sent shivers down my spine. No one had ever spoken to me in that way before, not even Misato when she was teasing. Asuka's voice had dripped of seduction, hearing it reduced my thoughts to little more than mush. As my survival instincts kicked in, knowing from past experience that Asuka sounding seductive meant bad news for me, caused my arm to jolt slightly, dislodging her and causing her to begin to wake. For a few moments I held my breath, watching as she slowly raised her head, using the back of her hand to wipe the sleep from her eyes. When she first looked up here eyes were out of focus, not so much looking at as looking past, she started to turn away only to stop suddenly, her head flung round to face me, eyes focused sharply on my own.

"Shinji?"

I was shocked by the uncertain tone in her voice, where was the anger I had been expecting? Confused and still somewhat groggy I managed to choke a reply.

"Yes."

What happened next was perhaps one of the strangest moments in my life; Asuka suddenly let out a cry and leapt forwards, catching me in her embrace. Her head fell against my chest, hiding her face from my gaze even as I heard what seemed to be muffled sobs. Nothing I have experienced so far could have prepared me for this…

Without a watch or clock in sight I had no way of telling how much time had passed, all I knew was that it seemed like an eternity had passed when finally Asuka released me and moved back onto her chair. Finally catching a glimpse of her face I noticed her eyes were slightly red and a little puffy and that there seemed to be watermarks running down her face. I realised then that they were tearstains. She had been crying…for me.

I was about to ask her why when suddenly the door slid open and a familiar purple haired major stepped inside.

"Asuka, is Shinji…"

Her words trailed off as she met my gaze, in the blink of an eye she was beside me, pulling me into a tight embrace. Her grip was tight, far more than Asuka's had been and after no more than a moment I found myself fighting for breath. I tried to speak out, to tell her she was crushing me but found myself unable to speak. At last I was saved when Asuka pulled Misato away although I was surprised to see that now anger danced across her face.

"Just what in the hell do you think your doing? How can you act like nothing happened?"

Asuka's words made no sense. Misato had been crushing me, that was true…but, it did not sound as if that was what she was referring to, it seemed that something else had led to this although what it might have been I did not know.

"Asuka…"

Misato started to speak but Asuka cut her off sharply. In truth I have never seen her this angry before, especially with Misato. Something truly terrible must have happened and yet I am still kept in the dark.

"No Misato. You sided with him; you turned your back on Shinji. What gives you the right to ever touch him again?"

Him…that could only mean one person…I could not fathom what chain of events could have led to Misato siding with my father on anything, let alone something that obviously pertained to me. I needed answers; ones I could not obtain while Asuka remained in this state. Summoning all of my courage I tried to talk to her, to get her to calm down.

"Asuka…please stop shouting at Misato. Please calm down and tell me what happened."

At once her gaze shifted from Misato to me, feelings of hurt and betrayal flickering in her eyes. I tried to reach out to her, to explain but she simply stepped away, shaking her head violently.

"How can you take her side? She betrayed you!"

"Asuka…I don't know what Misato did but I don't believe she would do something like that. If we can just talk about this…"

My words only seemed to fuel the fires of her rage, as she grew more agitated.

"There is nothing to say! She left you for dead, abandoned you to the mercy of that man who calls himself your father! I have nothing left to say to her…"

She stormed out, running through the open doorway and disappearing down the hall. More than anything I wanted to follow, to go after her but I found myself unable to go, my left arm was still restrained and my legs seemed to be numb. All I could do was lay there, looking up at the familiar ceiling wondering what it was I had done so wrong…

Misato excused herself a short while later, leaving me alone once again. All the time she had sat there, the same chair that Asuka had been sitting in when I first awoke, her gaze pointed downwards, never once meeting my own. I could not believe that Misato had dome something like that yet, if her actions were to believed it seemed that Asuka was telling the truth, although I could not find it within myself to ask her. In one way her departure was a relief, no longer was I taunted by words I could not find the will to say.

After Misato left I tired to sleep but found myself unable, it seemed that my body had gotten more than enough rest while I was unconscious and for the time being had no desire to return to anything close to that state of being. Without a television or even a book to read, I lay there, looking up at the familiar ceiling, letting my thoughts drift gently. A while later a nurse arrived, when she realised I was awake she seemed surprised and hurried out without word before returning moments later, a doctor at her side.

"Pilot Ikari?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad to see you are finally awake. My name is Dr Igaku, I have been assigned to monitor your recovery."

The doctor's smile helped me feel at ease and managed to find the courage to ask a question of him.

"Dr Igaku…how long was I unconscious?"

The doctor paused for a moment and to me it seemed as if he was fighting an inner battle with himself. A moment passed and when he met my gaze there was a terrible sadness in his eyes.

"Pilot Ikari…Shinji, it is alright if I call you Shinji?"

I nodded in response, finding the informal form of address comforting.

"Shinji, when you were brought in here you were in a coma. This was caused by near asphyxiation, at the time you were pulled from your Eva the oxygen level in your blood had dropped to critical levels…a minute later and you would have suffered permanent brain damage, possibly even death."

He paused for a moment, allowing me to digest what I had been told. It seemed that my rescue had come just in time although I could remember little of it. I asked the doctor about the state of my memory, wondering why everything was blurred.

"That was due to the asphyxiation, due to the low levels of oxygen reaching your brain your short term memory would have been limited greatly and thus what you can recall of it is limited also. Hopefully you will get a clearer picture of those events as time goes on but it is unlikely you will ever have complete recall of them…going back to your original question it has been three days since you were pulled from the entry plug and brought here."

He paused again and once more I noted a brief flicker of anguish in his eyes.

"Shinji…I don't like having to do this but we have to send you home. We received explicit orders that as soon as you awoke, if you were in good physical health, you were to be discharged and returned to the major's residence."

I remained silent as he told me this, both angry and confused at my father giving such an order.

"I don't like discharging you so soon after you have woken up but we have no other choice."

He pulled a small device from his coat pocket and pressed it into the palm of my hand. I looked down at it, confused.

"It's just a precaution. If you press the button it sends an immediate signal to the hospital indicting that you are in need of medical assistance. Our aim is to be with you no more than five minutes after you hit the button, ten if you are outside the city. We haven't been able to give you a full check up so this is in case something happens, ok?"

I nodded my understanding before slipping the cord attached to the device over my head and allowing it to dangle against my chest. Dr Igaku and I spoke a little more, the doctor smiling as he told me about my visitors. It seems that Rei had come to see me briefly in the past three days while Asuka had kept a near constant vigil over me. He also informed me that she had arrived in the ambulance with me, refusing to leave my side…no long after he left me to rest for a while, indicating that a nurse would come by to disconnect the IV and provide me with a change of clothes.

Left alone with my thoughts once again I began to puzzle over Asuka's earlier behaviour and what the doctor had just told me. In truth it had surprised me greatly to hear that Asuka had not only accompanied me to the hospital but also refused to leave my side until she was ordered to. That combined with the fact she had been keeping a vigil over me for these past few days confused me even more. It seemed recently Asuka had been running hot and cold towards me, leaving me unsure how she really felt. She had been angry with me at first after the kiss but then she had gotten nicer only to revert back to her old self after the synch test. Her latest actions indicated that she had warmed up to me again but in light of what happened earlier with Misato I couldn't be sure anymore…

My thoughts were interrupted this time by the arrival of the nurse, it had not occurred to me but I had been lost in my thoughts for quite a long time. She carefully removed the needles from my arm before removing the straps that held it in place. She then indicated a set of fresh clothes she had left on the chair beside my bed for exiting and leaving me alone to get changed. It took me a greater effort than I would have expected to push myself round so that my legs dangled over the side of the bed, my muscles protesting every inch.

When at last I managed to massage some life into my atrophied limbs, I got up from the bed and with some difficulty removed the hospital gown before donning the clothes that had been provided. Dressed in a school uniform I headed out of my room, walking down the corridor and wondering what I should do now.

It wasn't long before I encountered a nurse and she directed me to the front desk. Apparently Misato was waiting there for me; she would be driving me back to the apartment. When I reached the reception area I immediately spotted Misato, sitting on one of the benches. She didn't look up when I arrived nor when I called out to her. I was about to try again when I was intercepted by a series of medical staff, it seemed that there were discharge papers I was required to sign. As I took the pen in one hand I noticed that Misato's signature was already on them, the last part of her name seeming slightly smudged…before I could give it a second thought the papers were whisked away and I was led over to Misato.

She looked up at me yet still as before refusing to meet my gaze. She led me out of the hospital and into the adjoining parking lot, never once saying a word. It was like that the whole of the trip back to the apartment; one that was far slower than usual, as Misato for once did not drive like her usual careless self. When we arrived I noticed Asuka's shoes were missing, before I could ask for an explanation Misato spoke, giving me that answer to my unspoken question.

"Asuka isn't coming home; I think she's gone to stay Hikari's."

That statement, after what I witnessed this morning it had seemed likely, did not surprise me. Once again I felt a need stirring within me, a desire to try and mend the rift that had formed between them…perhaps tomorrow I could talk to Asuka while we were at school. Perhaps Hikari would even help me convince her…before I could confront her though there was something I needed to know...

"Misato…was Asuka telling the truth?"

She was silent for a moment and I wondered what it was she was thinking…then, without warning, Misato closed the gap between us and wrapped her arms around me gently, a far cry from the near bear hug she had used this morning.

"I'm sorry."

Those two words told me everything I needed to know. At once I felt uncomfortable, no longer comfortable with her embrace. She reluctantly pulled away from me after a moment, eyes downcast, refusing to meet my own.

"Shinji…you don't need to cook tonight, I'll order some take out, ok."

I simply nodded my mind not on food at that moment. So many questions remained unanswered yet for now I did not think I could cope with them. I turned to leave, heading in the direction of my room. As I stood at the door to my room I heard Misato call out softly.

"Welcome home Shinji."

I stepped inside, sliding the door closed, cutting myself off from the sounds of her tears.

_A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews, I am only happy that other people can enjoy my work._

_In response to the people who comment about Rei being evil in the last chapter, in particular to the Rei fans I must apologise but for the purposes of this story she needs to be that way. To clarify I do not in any way hate Rei and have read a number (a large number) of Rei/Shinji pairings and lemons. I see no issue with the pairing it is simply that I find myself more comfortable writing Shinji/Asuka pairings in my work. Perhaps at some point I will come up with an idea for a R/S but as yet I have not done so._

_Finally, (Yes, I know. Long authors note.) as it will receive no more updates I cannot say it there thank you everyone who has read One Night Stand. It originated in an idea I had when on the bus to Narita airport when I was coming back from my trip to Japan. Originally envisaged as a two part one shot the third chapter was added at popular demand. I personally view it as one of my best works; one I recommend that anyone who likes this story also read._

_I have the start of a new story ready although it would not be updated for a while I would like to ask would people prefer I post it now or wait until there is more?_

_Ok, enough from me. Thank you all once again. See you next time in chapter 10._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	10. Confrontations

**02:10 – Confrontations**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

Its been three days now and nothing has changed, Shinji remains lying motionless in his hospital bed, the only signs of life being the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the soft tones of the monitor hooked up to his heart. The doctors are losing hope, they don't say anything but I can see it in their eyes…I'm losing him and there is nothing I can do to stop it, just like with my mother…

I remember going to the hospital day after day, watching as she cradled that doll as if it were me. As time passed I felt as if all the joy and sadness was being squeezed out of me, little bit at a time. When at last I had come back from that first synchronisation test that had proved I was a viable candidate and had led to my selection as the Second Child I had in that brief time felt the joy I had thought I had lost returned to me…right up until the point where I found my mother hanging from the ceiling.

I won't loose him that way…I can't. I haven't left his side all this time; afraid that if I do he will slip away…I've only left once, that was when he first came here. I had to return to Nerv; when I arrived at the hospital I was still in my plug suit and I needed to change. The LCL was drying on my suit and in my hair, the blood like smell certainly not what I wanted him to wake up to…I slipped into the locker rooms without meeting anyone, changing out of the plug suit before taking a shower and redressing in my school uniform. I had planned to go straight back but as I was leaving I was intercepted by Misato, flanked by a pair of Section-2 agents.

I was forced to follow them to the Commander's office before the two agents departed leaving us both in front of his des;, it seemed that the sub commander would not be present for this debriefing. We waited for a moment, standing in silence as he surveyed a series of paper strewn across his desk. All the while my fists itched as I longed to strike the bastard, to unleash my fury at the way he treated Shinji. After what seemed like an eternity he finally looked up, fixing me with his gaze, even from behind those reflective lenses I could feel his eye boring into my own.

"Pilot Soryu, up until now I have been lenient with you, however, in light of your recent actions I find that my patience is at an end. If you do anything even slightly resembling your behaviour earlier today you will be spending the rest of your time here in the cells, understood."

The last part was not a question, but a statement. I gave a nod in response, fighting down the feelings of betrayal to Shinji I felt at having to submit to that man. He dismissed me immediately before turning his attention to Misato, no longer acknowledging my presence. I walked out, not wanting to waste another moment in this place, as I made my way out the door I just caught the Commanders next words.

"Now major, it is time that we discuss the future of the Third Child…"

When I arrived back at the hospital I found him alone, exactly as he had been when I had left. Part of my mind screamed at me, trying to bring to my attention a vague memory of someone walking past me…whoever it was they weren't here now so it didn't really matter anymore. All that mattered was I was back here with him and until he woke up I vowed not to leave his side. I pulled up the chair that was next to his bed and sat down, trying to get comfortable. I settled my head so it rested against his arm and closed my eyes, listening to the regular sounds of his breathing and the steady pulse of the heart monitor.

Rather than the nightmares that had haunted me since the day my mother died or the erotic dreams in which Shinji would torment me with sweet pleasures of the flesh I found myself reliving old memories of the time I first arrived in this place. From the first day we had met on the carrier 'Over the Rainbow' I had misjudged him, only seeing the meek exterior and knowing nothing of the strength that lay beneath. Looking back on the days that followed I began to see them in a different light, during the training to fight the Seventh Angel at one point I had ended up getting into the wrong bed when coming back from the bathroom. When I woke the next morning I found that Shinji had moved on to the floor and leaving the bed for me alone. If he had truly been the idiot and pervert I accused him of being he would have stayed, perhaps even taking advantage of my proximity. Instead he acted honourably, something I never even thanked him for.

As that memory faded another surfaced, this time of the period surrounding the attack of the Eighth Angel. I recalled how I had teased him when he was struggling to understand thermodynamics, asking if when I placed my hands on my breasts to warm them if they would grow larger or smaller. Of course he had become flustered, blushing heavily before trying desperately to change the subject. It was ironic that the very lesson I had tried to teach him would be the one he used to save me…another thing I did not realise until later was the fact that he had willingly plunged Unit-01 into the lava, without the protection that Unit-02 was afforded by its repulsive diving suit the nerve feedback must have felt as if he was being burned alive. Yet, when I saw him afterwards he seemed fine, simply relieved that I was ok.

The images continued as other memories were brought to the fore and with the passing of each one I realised more and more the magnitude of the debt I owed to him. My sleeping mind vowed that I would make it up to him, if only he would awaken and return to me…

"Asuka…"

My dream world shook as it echoed with the sound of his voice, my still sleeping mind believing it must be nothing more than a delusion.

"Shinji…"

I breathed out his name even as my mind struggled for wakefulness, holding on to the faint glimmer of hope that the sound I had heard had not been little more than my imagination. I lifted my head slowly, using the back of my hand to wipe the last vestiges of sleep from my eyes even as I allowed them to come into focus. For a moment I fixed my gaze upon the far wall, waiting for it to become something more than a blurry haze. As it did so in my peripheral vision I saw Shinji's upright position, the fact that his eyes were now open. At once I turned myself to face him, locking my eyes onto his. For a terrible moment I was afraid, afraid tat this was simply a dream and all too soon I would wake up to find he was still in a coma. Tentatively I asked him, needing him to confirm that this was real.

"Shinji?"

"Yes."

That single word of affirmation brought my defences tumbling down; I buried my head against his chest and at last allowed my tears to fall, grateful that my prayers had been answered.

I don't know how long I spent like that, face pressed against the reassuring warmth of his chest, tears continuing to flow and dampen the front of the hospital gown he wore. When at last my tears came to an end and I had composed myself enough to once more look upon those twin blue orbs I found myself tongue tied, unable to say the words I so desperately needed to tell him. I sat there, once more upon the chair that I had spent so many hours upon as I held my silent vigil at his bedside, looking down at my hands folded in my lap and trying to find the courage to say those three simple words to him…

_I love you_.

When at last no more tears would come I released my hold on his shirt and sat back on the chair. My eyes felt a little sore from crying so much, never before had I allowed myself to shed so many tears…I knew I could no continue this way much longer, every time an Angel would appear and we were sent out to battle against it there was a very real chance we might not return, Shinji had been lucky this time to come back alive. I knew now that I would have to tell him before the next Angel, I could no live with the thought of losing him before I could tell him I loved him…

I barely noticed the sound of the door to the hospital room opening, the sound of shoes clacking against the tiled floor signalling someone had stepped inside.

"Asuka, is Shinji…"

At once I recognised Misato's voice and felt bile rise in my throat. I was still yet to forgive her actions during the last battle, I could not let go the fact she had sided with the Commander, that she had almost allowed him to be killed…she stopped talking mid sentence, no doubt on seeing Shinji was awake. Suddenly I heard her footsteps resume, the clacking of her shoes against the tiled floor becoming almost a constant sound, telling me she was running. She swept past me, seeing nothing but Shinji, pulling him at once into a tight embrace. She had no right to be touching him, holding him like that. When at last I recovered somewhat from the shock I grabbed her by the shoulder and pulled her away from him, spinning her round so she was facing me.

"Just what in the hell do you think your doing? How can you act like nothing happened?"

"Asuka…"

For the first time in three days I saw her face clearly. There were dark circles around her eyes that like mine were red and slightly puffy. I knew she had been crying, no doubt not sleeping either as she was haunted by the memory of what she had done…it was because of that that I could not, would not forgive her.

"No Misato. You sided with him; you turned your back on Shinji. What gives you the right to ever touch him again?"

She stood there, stunned into silence. Both she and I knew there was nothing she could say, she had sided with the Commander and had it not been for Unit-01 Shinji would not be here with us.

"Asuka…please stop shouting at Misato. Please calm down and tell me what happened."

I was shocked by his words, feelings of hurt and betrayal began to surface, and it upset me that he was defending her rather than me. He tried to reach out to grasp my hand but I stepped away, not willing to accept the contact lest I lose myself in the cool softness of his touch and let go of the anger inside that has sustained me for so long…

"How can you take her side? She betrayed you!"

He let his hand drop, sadness now showing clearly in his eyes. For a moment I hesitated, he had only just come out of a coma…his next words wiped such thoughts away as once more the rage swelled inside me.

"Asuka…I don't know what Misato did but I don't believe she would do something like that. If we can just talk about this…"

I could not believe he was defending her still, despite the hints I had been giving. No longer willing to hold back I came out and told him, stating the truth before storming out of there, no longer ready to look upon either of them.

"There is nothing to say! She left you for dead, abandoned you to the mercy of that man who calls himself your father! I have nothing left to say to her…"

I ran from them, tearing down the plain white corridors, seeking an escape from that place and from them even as fresh tears began burning my eyes. I spent the remainder of that day crying round at Hikari's. When I got there she did not ask me what was wrong, simply led me inside and ushered me to her room. Once the door was closed I broke down completely sobbing openly, Hikari offering me comfort as best she could. In my heart I knew he had not meant to upset me, he had after all been in a coma these past few days and thus knew nothing of what had happened…yet, despite that part of me remained mad at him offering her his forgiveness, selfishly wanting him to offer it only to me and no other…

The next day I felt somewhat calmer, the tears had helped to alleviate some of the emotional turmoil inside me and I felt ready to face the world once again. As Hikari and I walked to school I silently vowed to myself that I would go to visit Shinji, to apologise for my behaviour of the day before, a desperate attempt to salvage some of the trust that had formed between us. Because of this I was not truly paying attention when we arrived, ignoring the questions of my classmates, keeping my head down and thus missing something important, never realising it until the teacher started role call…

"Ikari, Shinji?"

I was about to speak up and inform the teacher that he was still in hospital when someone else spoke out, interrupting me.

"Here."

For a moment I was frozen by shock, could it be I was imagining it? That his voice had simply been a figment of my imagination? If so then why did the teacher continue as if someone had answered? Could it be that he really was here? Cautiously I turned round, casting my gaze backwards towards his desk…for an instant our eyes met and at once I could see the concern flickering in the twin blue orbs. Shocked, I turned away quickly, not yet ready to face him. It wasn't until lunch that I found out about his reaction, the terrible sadness that had shown in his eyes before they went neutral once again…

"Asuka…you have to talk to him. You can't keep avoiding him like this."

Hikari and I had gone up to the roof to eat lunch today, partly because I enjoyed the view but mostly because I wanted to avoid Shinji. My earlier resolve had evaporated and now I felt afraid to face him…the great Asuka Langley Soryu afraid of Shinji Ikari, who would have ever thought…since my courage had failed me in the hospital, when I had been unable to tell him how I felt, to say those three simple words to him despite the fact he was in a coma and could not have heard, I had been plagued by doubt, by fear of rejection. Since my mother's death I had never allowed myself to love or be loved, Kaji had been perfect because deep down I knew my feelings could never be returned, but still I deluded myself into believing that if I worked hard enough he would accept me. In opening my self up to Shinji I had become vulnerable once again, leaving myself vulnerable to the heartache of losing someone I loved. At least if I did not tell him, if he did not respond in kind it would not be as hard, if he died in battle at least I would not be utterly destroyed by his loss…a lie I know but as yet I could not, would not face the truth.

The remainder of the day passed quickly, although I did not leave until late. Today I had clean up duty with Hikari, meaning we did not get out for at least another hour. In one sense it was fortunate as by being out late I missed the rainstorm that had raged only an hour earlier. Shinji would have been caught in it surely, I only hoped he was alright…I stood there for a moment, trapped by indecision until Hikari spoke to me, telling me what must be done…

"Go to him."

Unable to do anything more than nod, I left at once, running all the way to the apartment.

I was lucky, finding my key card in my bag. I unlocked the door and walked inside, taking of my shoes as I pushed the door closed. It was then I noticed another pair of shoes sitting there; ones that did not belong to Misato…these were girl's shoes, a size similar to my own. I knew of only one person to whom they could belong to and her presence was not most definitely unwelcome. I stormed into the living room only to find them there, she dressed in only one of his shirts, covering only a little way down her thigh, arms draped around a half clothed Shinji, her lips pressed firmly against his.

I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out, I could only stare in silent horror as she kissed him. When at last she was done she stopped, turning to face me, a wicked smile upon her face and malice in her eyes.

"Good evening pilot Soryu."

I snapped, lunging towards her, fully intent on tearing her apart. I knocked her to the floor, straddling her I tried to punch her in the face but she caught my arm. I was shocked at how strong she was and soon it deteriorated into a full-blown brawl. We clawed and scratched at each other, acting like more like alley cats than people. I wanted to tear off her lips, those lips that she had used to kiss my Shinji…how dare she, he was mine!

"Enough!"

When both halted mid swing, turning to look at the boy who had shouted, his face flushed, eyes filled with rage.

"Stop it! The both of you, now!"

In an uncharacteristic display of strength he pulled us apart, positioning himself between us. A moment passed before her seemed to calm slightly, turning round so he now faced me.

"Asuka…please don't misunderstand…"

"Misunderstand? Misunderstand! You can't say that! You can't say that to me!"

I turned to leave, not wanting to see him anymore only to find he had taken hold of my hand and would not let go. I turned to look at him, filled with hate only to find his eyes filled with tears.

"Asuka…please, don't go…I lo…"

Suddenly his face scrunched up in pain and he dropped to the floor, his hands clutching at his chest. Frozen to the spot I could only watch as he curled into a foetal position and lay still. A single trickle of blood ran from his nose, rolling down his face and onto the carpet, staining it red…

_A/N: Ok, I know this is a week late but I have my reasons, I'm sure you don't really want to be bothered by them , your hear to read not act as a support group. Needless to say my schedule had become very tight not to mention I am experiencing partial writers block (Kinda of like Hououza's block but it doesn't involve elbows). Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter of Forgotten. Once I recover somewhat I promise to not only give you chapter 11 of this but the second chapters of Forgotten and Another Time._

_Thank you all for your ongoing support._

_  
Till next time,_

Hououza

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	11. Seduction

**02:11 – Seduction**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

Three days have passed now since my confrontation with Soryu at the hospital and Ikari is still yet to recover…I have considered going to visit him, to sit at his bedside and watch as he lies in the silent sleep of those caught between this world and the next yet, I have refrained. The second has been absent from school, not doubt refusing to leave his side…only a week ago she would never have made such an open display of affection but since his near death…since he was almost taken away by the angel she has changed. I could feel it when I confronted her in that brief moment, her resolve had hardened. She will not relinquish him easily; if I try and take him from her she will fight me tooth and nail…no matter, I will simply take Ikari from her by other means.

I have spent my spare time continuing my reading, studying more about ways in which a woman's charms may be used to attract a male. The art of seduction as it is called, is a highly complex art, one that operates to it's own set of rules. In many ways despite the complex and seemingly random nature of human behaviour I believe that there is an underlying logic to it, one that I believe I can exploit. According to the books, boys of around Ikari's age are undergoing a considerable change, one that causes their hormones to fluctuate often causing an increase in their sexual desires. From my prior observations it seems that Ikari is somewhat deficient in this respect, he did not show the expected reaction for a boy of his age when he fell on top of me during our brief encounter at my apartment a number of months ago. I don't recall being able to feel an erection, seeing no sign of desire in his eyes, instead he became highly embarrassed and awkward about the situation…this deviation from the prescribed reaction worries me somewhat, could it be that he is not interested in women?

No, I do not believe that to be the case. I have seen the way he looks at the second, the desire he lacked in that moment shown openly for her…I can only wonder why he does not look the same way at me. This is unacceptable, I will rectify this situation; a more direct approach is called for…however, before I can take action I must get rid of the second. I must find a time in which I can get him alone so I can put my learning into action. Once more I recall an English phrase I once heard.

_Everything comes to he who waits._

Even as I now lift myself from my bed and walk to the bathroom of my apartment, shedding my clothes as I go the thought enters my mind that this all may be without reason, that Ikari will slip away from this world and be claimed by the darkness, never to wake from his coma…no, deep within me I can sense him, his being tied in someway to my own. I know he will not die; he cannot die…not even at the end. As I turn on the shower and allow the cold water to enfold my body a decision is made, I will go to the hospital today, regardless of the presence of the second child I will visit him, something tells me now is the time he will finally awake...

I departed my apartment as usual, heading down the worn and crumbling stairs to the streets below, heading in the direction of the hospital, as today is a Sunday we are for once without school, thus no record of my absence will be made, it is unlikely that the Commander will be aware of my actions. I must be careful lest he become aware of what I plan to do, I do not believe that he would approve of my actions, although he has not stated it directly he has made it clear he would wish for me to keep a distance from Ikari but so long as it is not a direct order I am not disobeying him.

Having not been paying attention to my surroundings I was almost knocked over by someone as I walked down the hospital corridors. It took only a moment for me to recover and realise just who it was that had just run past me…the second child had run down the corridor, tears running down her face. Seeing this caused doubt to enter my mind once again, could it be that Ikari had slipped away, that she had fled the place where he had descended into silence…no, still I could feel that odd bond drawing me to him, he remained amongst the living. Now eager to know what could have happened I quickened my pace, only to find him sitting up in bed, Major Katsuragi standing beside him. She seemed to be upset about something; I surmised that she must have had a fight with the second. Ikari's face did not show signs of anger, only a mixture of what I believe to be regret and sadness. I assumed that he remained unaware of the Major's actions, perhaps that was why the second had departed…watching closely I decided to remain in the shadows, not yet ready to make my presence known.

It was not long before the Major departed and soon a doctor arrived. From what I could make out he appeared to be briefing Ikari on his condition, indicating that he was to be released immediately. This would of course mean that he would return to the Major's apartment, a place in which I could get him alone. For tonight the Major would be with him but tomorrow, while she was at Nerv, would be my best chance to get him alone…decision made I departed, returning to my apartment to await the coming of tomorrow and the beginning of my seduction of Ikari.

The next morning I awoke early, intent on arriving at school before the rest of the students. I suspected Ikari would also choose to arrive early, no doubt to avoid the inevitable questions he would be bombarded with, regarding both his and pilot Soryu's absence. Many of our classmates believed that the two had eloped together, a conclusion no doubt born from the observed differences in Soryu's behaviour towards Ikari…a ridiculous notion but one that many of the students believed wholeheartedly and saw fit to share with everyone who would listen. Amongst the small group of dissenters who did not subscribe to this belief were Ikari's two friends, Suzahara and Aida. They both were adamant that Ikari would not do any such thing with the 'devil girl' as they called the second. Others shouted them down, all of whom seemed to be thrilled by the thought of love blossoming between the two pilots, a number of female students commented they thought it was 'romantic'. In reality the rumours were not too far from the truth…none the less I would do anything to prevent it from becoming a reality.

When I first arrived I found him already sitting there, his head down, cradled in his hands. If he noticed my entry he made no indication, as he simply remained motionless. Intrigued I stepped closer, considering whether I should call out to him. As I closed the distance to no more than a few feet I realised something, he was asleep. Moving a little closer, close enough to see his face, I took note of the dark circles beneath his eyes; obviously he had gained little sleep the previous night. I decided to allow him to rest; he would need all his strength this evening, should everything go to plan. I walked back to my desk and sat down, at once turning my attention to the window. As always I allowed my gaze to turn outside while focusing on the faint reflection of his sleeping form. So different from his father and yet so much the same…both men put upon a face for the world, masking what it was they felt inside. It was in that respect that the two differed, while the Commander felt empty, filled only with regret and loneliness, Ikari, while he remained withdrawn was not consumed by that same darkness. Instead hope still burned within him, a belief that things could be changed for the better. When I was with him I found myself filled with a sense of purpose, filling the emptiness within me, the hollow feeling that consumed me for as long as I could remember when my existence had served no other purpose than to further the Commander's plans.

Many times the second has referred to me as a 'doll', there was a time when she would have been correct, I was simply an empty vessel, responding only when the Commander pulled my strings….now, it is different. Ikari has granted me this, this sense of being that I had lacked, gifted me with jealousy and desire, feelings of my own at last. As my thanks to him form granting this to me I shall share myself with him, to fill the emptiness I feel within his heart, to become one with him so he will never again feel the pain of loneliness…I am pulled from my thoughts by the arrival of others, keeping my gaze upon the window I was just able to make out the class representative and behind her pilot Soryu. This development indicated to me that the second was most likely staying with the class representative at the moment, a likely occurrence following the dispute I observed between her and major Katsuragi. This means I will have no need to distract her, as Ikari will be completely alone.

I turned my attention back to him once again, my gaze lingering upon his image wavering slightly in the glass. I was surprised that she had not approached him, I simply assumed she was still upset from the previous days events. I continued to watch him silently until more students began to arrive and the bell rang signalling the start of classes. As the teacher began calling out the names of the students I had now shifted my attention to the second, awaiting her reaction when Ikari's name was called. As the teacher called it out she moved as if she were about to speak but froze suddenly when Ikari spoke. It seemed then that my initial hypothesis had been incorrect. She had not intentionally ignored Ikari; she simply had not registered his presence. I watched as she turned to glance at him briefly, constantly aware of the looks of other students who were also witness to her behaviour. Her eyes widened for a moment and then she turned away sharply. Glancing back at Ikari I noticed a flicker of sadness in his eyes before it was sucked inwards and replaced by the façade I knew all to well, the same one the Commander always wore.

At lunch he left the classroom almost immediately, hardly waiting for Suzahara and Aida who trailed along behind. They departed the classroom, moving in the direction of the canteen, only moments later the class representative and the second also left, they however heading in the direction of the roof. For a moment I was torn by indecision, wonder whether I should pursue the class representative and the second, hoping that their topic of conversation would provide me with a clearer understanding of the rift between her and Ikari and how it could be used to my advantage. In the end I decided against this, should I for any reason be uncovered it would lead to confrontation and may hamper my plans for later…no, it would be best to do avoid her for the moment. Instead I followed the example of Ikari and his companions, heading off towards the school cafeteria, on arriving I spotted them immediately, sitting at a table out beside the windows. While Suzahara and Aida seemed to be talking animatedly, Ikari was mostly silent. No doubt he had much to think about…

The remainder of lunch passed quickly, classes beginning once again. I spent the remainder of the school day gazing out the window, allow my thoughts to drift onto the subject of my plans for the evening, considering what positions would be the most suitable to try. Ikari's quiet and subdued nature would suggest ones that afforded me a dominant position would be best yet, I feel that he would benefit far more from being given a dominant role. It is stated in many places that a man who finds himself bound to the wills of others in the majority of his life will often prefer to be in control once he enters the bedroom, exercising the control over his partner that he is denied in other aspects of his life. I believe Ikari fits this description, that he will be more likely to respond if I approach him in such a way, appealing to what little of his ego that remains…at last the final bell rang, signalling the end of classes. I watched as the second and the class representative departed immediately, no doubt the two of them returning to the class representative's home. Ikari too left shortly after, waving goodbye to his friends, Suzahara and Aida, they as I were on cleanup duty.

When at last the classroom was tidy I departed, I would not forget my duty, even if it kept me from my personal goals. After all up until this point I had none, my seduction of Ikari the first time I had actually wanted something for myself. As I exited the school building I found that it was raining, rather heavily in fact, by the time I reached the major's apartment I would most likely be soaked. This too would work in my favour, it would cause the fabric of my clothing to cling to my body, hinting at what lay beneath but not revealing it completely. It is a strange fact but according to my research males often find females more attractive when they are not actually naked but their attire suggests it by revealing parts of their body that would otherwise not be exposed. An example of this I have noted is that many of the boys have been caught attempting to get a look at the girl's underwear yet in sports class our uniforms are such that in some regards more is revealed…

Pushing these thoughts aside once again as I finally approach the apartment complex where the major resides I quickly review my plans. My first priority is to gain entry to the apartment, what happens from there is mostly dependant on Ikari and his reactions to me. I hope they will be favourable but if required I have formulated a number of ways to help them along…

When at last I approached the apartment and pressed the buzzer the door was answered by a rather surprised Ikari, it was clearly evident on his face that he had not expected to see me.

"Ayanami? Why are you…"

He paused, I could see his eyes tracing over my body, and taking in the fact I was obviously soaked.

"Please, come in."

He stepped backwards to let me inside, waiting for a moment to allow me to take of my shoes before leading me into the living room.

"Ayanami…um…you should really get out of those wet clothes, you'll get sick if you don't. I'll have to lend you something of mine in the mean time because I don't think anything of Misato's will fit you and Asuka would kill me if I went in her room…"

He disappeared for a moment, heading off into his bedroom, a moment later I could hear him cursing faintly. Allowing a small smile to spread across my face I began to disrobe, unfastening my skirt and letting it fall to the ground before unbuttoning my blouse and letting it slip from my shoulders and down to the floor. Now, all that remained was my bra and panties, these two had become soaked by the rain. I reached behind my back and unfastened it, sliding the straps down my shoulders and letting it drop to the floor with my other clothes. Finally, I pulled down my panties, sliding them down each leg, at last standing completely naked. It was then that Ikari returned, his eyes cast downwards towards the shirt he held draped over one arm.

"Ayanami, all I could find was one of my shirts I hope you don't…"

He stopped mid sentence as he looked up at me, his eyes now taking in my naked body. For a moment he hesitated and I could plainly see the lust in his eyes, now I was certain he was attracted to me. To my disappointment he closed his eyes, holding out the arm with the shirt on it, offering it to me.

"P-please…c-can you p-put this on."

Smiling secretly I took the shirt from him, taking note of the fact the buttons were already fastened I unbutton the top few and pulled it over my head. For a moment I paused, inhaling his scent, it seemed that he had worn this shirt recently as the earthy fragrance of his body clung to it strongly. I finished pulling it on and looked over at him, seeing that his eyes remained closed. No doubt he would not open them until I told him, this would be a perfect opportunity for me to commence my operation…I closed the distance between us, stopping only when my chest was pressed tightly against his. His eyes snapped open and he looked down at me even as I captured his lips with my own, my arms snaking around his neck, holding him against me.

For that instant my body was on fire, I could feel the roughness of his lips against mine, the warmth of his body flowing into me, filling the frozen emptiness inside. Ikari seemed to be in shock, simply standing there unmoving, neither reciprocating nor rejecting my kiss. Soon, he would recover and I would show him even greater pleasures, ones that would truly make us both feel alive…I felt the gaze of another upon me and as I turned I found myself looking upon the second. By the look on her face she had come here to apologise to him, to try and make amends for the pain that had been caused. I could not help but feel joy at the look of betrayal in her eyes as I pushed away from him slightly, turning my head to address her.

"Good evening pilot Soryu."

I had not been counting on what happened next, when she lunged forwards suddenly, knocking us both to the floor. She straddled my waist, pinning me beneath her with her weight before trying to hit me in the face. With little effort I caught her wrist mid strike, noting with satisfaction the look of surprise that flickered briefly in her eyes. I was no mere weakling, I would not simply roll over and allow her to take him, she had a fight on her hands…

"Enough!"

I was shocked by Ikari's cry, turning to look up at him, his eyes were filled with righteous rage and for a moment I saw the commander standing there instead.

"Stop it! Both of you, now!"

He hauled the second off from on top of me before pulling me to my feet as well. I was shocked at this display of strength, I would never have expected such power from one who seemed so frail but knowing his lineage I should have known, the commander too contained great strength beneath his average frame…to my dismay he turned his attention towards the second, his back now towards me. It galled me that he had once more chosen her over me, proving that she would have to be eliminated if I were ever to win his heart. They exchanged a few brief words before the second turned to leave. He followed, grasping at her hand, refusing to let her go even as those words tumbled from his lips…

"Asuka…please, don't go…I lo…"

I watched as he began to fall forwards, hand coming up to clutch at his chest. He dropped to the floor, his legs curling upwards against his chest, blood trickling from his nose. As the second collapsed beside him sobbing I knew what must be done, locating the major's phone I called the hospital.

"Yes, pilot Ikari, he has just collapsed at Major Katsuragi's apartment, I advise you arrive quickly."

Without further comment I put down the phone, awaiting the ambulance in silence even as I observed the crying second child.

_You will not hurt him again, this I promise you…_

**A/N:** _I know it's late again but I have been under so much stress this past two weeks I've had to take some days of sick just to recover enough that I can think let alone write. I don't know how well this chapter flows, I've been trying to write it for who knows how long now…regardless it's done now, I hope there aren't too many typos. Expect the next chapter when I can, hopefully to weeks but it may be more. As for Forgotten and Another Time…not in the near future, maybe when the project I am currently working on comes to a close at the end of March._

_Thank you all for your ongoing support._

_  
Till next time,_

_  
Hououza_


	12. The Price of Success

**02:12 – The Price of Success**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

For the first time in a very long time I simply sat there, staring at him silently, contemplating his silent form even as emotions I had thought long since buried returned to torment me once again…ten years ago I cast off everything save my humanity, although that too was too had been quick to follow as I whored myself for SEELE's amusement. So many things I was forced to do, so many terrible acts…all of them I justified to myself by seeing nothing but the prize. When at last it was all over I would have Yui and Shinji beside me, our family once again whole. Everything I had done, all the pain that Shinji had suffered through had purpose, I knew that in order to remake the world, to bring about the third impact upon humanity it would require the will of one of it's own, one who rejected the world and wished to create a better one…my son would be that person, the human chosen to become god.

Before I had come here I had made sure that no-one would ever know, none of the hospital staff were allowed to enter and no-one bar the professor would know of my absence from Nerv although even he did not know the real reason. Were anyone to discover this, that despite everything I had done to the contrary, that I still acknowledged Shinji as my son, not only that but I still watched over him in secret, SEELE would take him immediately, using his life as a bargaining chip to bend me to their will…I had not only abandoned my son in order to mould him into the future savior of humanity, I did it also to save him from SEELE, to keep him from traveling down the same road I had done…I am no longer sure if Yui can forgive me for what I have done to him, I am no longer sure if I am even worthy of her forgiveness. All I know now is that before the end comes Shinji will suffer many more tragedies, ones I no longer turn aside. My only hope is that he will be strong enough, that he will rise from wreckage of humanity and built a new and better world for us all…

"Sleep well my son."

With those four words I took my leave, replacing the tinted glasses upon my face, never once noticing the single tear that down his face.

I drifted in an endless sea of darkness, once more cut adrift from the waking world. I saw, felt, and heard nothing, only the endless emptiness of this inner space. Before, when I had been in the Eva during the battle with the last angel, there had been another presence, another consciousness along side me, one that was familiar and warm…as much as I tried to reach out for it I could not find it in the darkness, it seemed that no light could enter this place. Without anything to measure my time against I did not know how long I spent lost in the darkness, be it a moment or an eternity…it was then that something finally pierced the darkness, a sound coming from the outside.

"Sleep well my son."

For a moment I was in shock, my mind unable to accept what it seemed I was hearing, my father speaking to me, acknowledging me as his son. I felt tears from upon the face of my avatar, my vision of self that defined me in this place. For the first time in ten years my father had acknowledged me as something more than a tool and I was trapped here, unable to respond…the darkness would not allow me to escape, constantly pulling me back, into the emptiness. I fought until at last my strength left me, never getting any further than the place I had began. I closed my eyes, too weak to stay awake and allowed my self to drift deeper into the darkness, dreaming of the light…

Opening my eyes I found myself looking once more at the familiar ceiling above the hospital bed. Not knowing how long has passed since I collapsed I tried to sit up, desperate to see if my father was still here, my body refused to comply and I found I could only tilt my head. Turning first to the left and then the right I found myself to be alone, no one else inside the hospital room. I brought my head back so my eyes were once more focused on the ceiling as I allowed my thoughts to drift, contemplating the events that had transpired both before I had collapsed and the words I heard while unconscious were real or simply a figment of my imagination.

I don't know how long I spent that way, unable to move my body save my head. A nurse stopped in briefly, I supposed she was there to check up on me. She seemed surprised when I turned my head to look at her, trying to open my mouth I found myself unable to speak, my throat aching with every breath.

"Please, don't try to speak Mr Ikari. The anaesthetic will still be in effect for a few more hours, you should try and get some rest and I will bring you some food later, okay?"

I managed to nod before letting my eyes slide closed and listening to the sound of the nurse's footsteps as she moved away until I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up again I found my whole body felt sore, in particular my chest. This time when I tried to sit up my body responded and I was able to push myself into a sitting position. This proved to be a mistake because as soon as I was upright my torso erupted into agony and I fell backwards against the sheets. The pain subsided and as I reached up my hands to brush against my chest I felt something strange.

"Those would be stitches."

Surprised by the interruption, I hadn't realised anyone else was in the room, I looked over to the side to find the doctor from before sitting there. I think his name was…

"Doctor Igaku?"

"Glad to see you're awake pilot, you've been unconscious for the last twenty four hours since you collapsed, I hadn't expected you to be awake so soon after surgery."

"What…?"

"When you collapsed it was due to a small internal injury we had missed in your initial examination. When you blood pressure rose it cause the wound to open and start bleeding out, not long after you collapsed. By the time we arrived here it was bleeding freely, we were forced to put you in for emergency surgery."

He paused for a moment allowing time for his words to sink in. That would explain the pain in my chest…

"We were lucky, the wound had not ruptured further and we were able to sew it shut quickly. However, you will have to stay here for the next fortnight for observation and after that you will not be allowed back onto active duty for a further three weeks. In light of today's incident I have requested that you are kept here for the duration of this period to ensure you are not put in a situation where your wounds could be aggravated or reopened."

My mind swept back to Eva, what would happen if an angel attacked and I was stuck here? Could the girls handle it on their own? Would everyone die simply because I was too weak? Repeating my mantra over and over in my mind I struggled to push myself up, willing my body to move. It seemed that the doctor took note of this because a frown formed upon his face as he got up from the chair and walked over to me, placing a hand gently against my shoulder.

"Pilot Ikari…we are doing this for your own good. If you do not allow your injuries to heal fully this time and you attempt to pilot again you will die."

I spent the next few hours alone; Dr Igaku had made his excuses soon after, departing my room and leaving me to my thoughts. After ten years living a life without purpose I finally found something I was good at, something only I could do…I came here, to Tokyo-3, at my father's request, wondering why he would call me for me ten years after leaving me behind. I soon learned he had called for me because he needed me for something, specifically to become the pilot of the giant purple behemoth known as Evangelion Unit-01. The first time I had fought against an angel it was a disaster, lacking any training I had gotten pummelled, had it not been for Unit-01 going berserk I would have died, as it was I only came away with a mild concussion and a few bumps and bruises. Toji's sister however was not so lucky…that was the first time I truly felt the weight of the responsibility that had been placed upon my shoulders. I tried to run then, not wanting this terrible fate that had been put upon me yet, when the time came to leave I found I could not, I turned back and continued to fight, destroying the angels one after another. I don't know many I've beaten now, either on my own or with the help of Rei and Asuka…I heard someone saying that I have the highest kill total to date, killing more angels than both Rei and Asuka together…I allowed a small smile to spread across my face as I considered that and what Asuka would do to me if she ever worked that out…my thoughts were interrupted by the nurse from before arriving carrying a tray of food. She placed it on the table stand and moved it so it was resting above my lap while I managed to carefully push myself into a more upright position. She asked if I needed anything else and I told her no, thanking her for her kindness before she smiled kindly at me and departed. Picking up the chopsticks I began to eat, allowing my thoughts to wander…

Rei…she remained a mystery to me. When I first arrived here she was so cold and distant, so strange. I still recall the way she said goodbye before we went out to face the fifth, the way she slapped me when I showed disrespect to my father, the feel of her naked flesh as she lay beneath me when I fell on top of her when I went to her apartment that time, trying to deliver her new ID card…any other girl would have most likely screamed and slapped me, called me a pervert, if it had been Asuka she would have probably tried to kill me…the odd thing was Rei had just lain there, quietly asking me to get off before getting dressed as if nothing had happened. I could not understand how she could have gone from such total; obliviousness to the seemingly all consuming desire I had seen in her eyes in that brief moment when our eyes met just after she kissed me. Pushing my thoughts of her aside I turned my attention to my desert which happened to be red jelly, the colour of it immediately reminding me of Asuka.

Asuka…she was so intent on being the best, always striving to have the highest synch ratio, to beat the angels before I could…it was ironic that without even caring about my position I had passed her in both kills and now synch ratio and yet rather than staying mad, I could still recall her first reaction to the news, she had calmed and even cried when I woke up to find her sitting beside me when I had been in the hospital the first time. Part of me wished that she were here now, if only that I could take comfort in the warmth of her body and the scent of her hair…I shook my head, clearing away my thoughts of her. After what happened I didn't expect them to allow her to see me, most likely she would be kept away until I had fully recovered…

Two girls, total opposites, like fire and ice yet both of them had two things in common…Eva and me.

When I woke late the next morning it was to a dull ache in my chest, my stitches itched terribly. I lifted my hand to scratch them, then halted halfway to my chest. The doctor had warned me about aggravating the wound, I doubt clawing at them would do me any good…with a sigh I let my arm fall back down by my side and stared aimlessly at the ceiling. It was then I felt eyes on me and I turned my head to find that someone else was in the room. Sitting in the chair near my bedside was perhaps the last person I would have expected to see here…

"Toji? What are you doing here?"

There was something slightly off about the way he grinned at me, as if there was something weighing on his mind.

"I was visiting Mari actually and I decided to stop by. She's feeling a bit better these days."

He paused and for a moment the worry seemed to lift from his face as he chuckled.

"She actually wanted to come and see you since you're in here as well. I told her no but…if it wouldn't be too much trouble…"

Haunted still by that first day, when had I found out the true price of my failure as a pilot I had wanted to die…I wished that I had never come to Tokyo-3 then she would never have gotten injured in the first place…

No. That wasn't true…Rei was in no position to pilot then, if she had gone out there again she would have died along with everyone else. I had to fight, I had to win and despite everything that has happened I know that if I had to do it all over again I would still choose to fight…not that I could now, trapped in this hospital bed. At least if I could do something to help mend the damage I had caused I would be only too glad, focusing my gaze on Toji once again I nodded.

"It's fine."

He grinned at me again, this time a genuine smile spreading across his face.

"Thanks Shinji, Mari will be thrilled."

The next few moments were spent in silence, seemingly neither one of us knowing what to say. In the end it was Toji who broke the silence, his voice distant and lacking the enthusiasm I had come to expected.

"Shinji…what's it like?"

Confused I simply stared back at him.

"What's what like?"

"You know…piloting."

I was more than a little surprised by his question, it was something I would have expected Kensuke to ask but not Toji…feeling his questioning and slightly nervous gaze upon me I struggled to find an answer…

"It's like…it's like you are two places at once, your still you but you're also this giant biomechanical behemoth…what it sees you see, what it feels you feel."

I paused for a moment as another thought danced across my mind, a faint memory of the first time I had stepped inside the Eva.

"It's almost like it's aware…like there is this whole other consciousness that embraces you as you synch with it, another mind opening itself to you and holding you in it's embrace almost like a mother…"

I stopped, unsure of my words or where they were leading, I was not quite sure if the thoughts were even my own…looking over at Toji I was surprised once again to find an expression of deep thought upon his face rather than the one of confusion I had expected. He stayed that way for a few moments, sitting silently, eyes staring at something I could not see. When at last his eyes came back into focus and he once more looked at me there was a determination in his eyes I had not seen before.

"Thank you Shinji…I think I understand a bit better now."

His statement seemed incomplete, as if he were leaving something important out. I considered for a moment asking him about this but quickly decided against it, if he had not told me there would most likely be good reason behind it. He stood up then and turned, heading towards the door, stopping just as he reached it, pausing for a moment within the frame.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"If anything happens…please look after Mari and Hikari for me, ok?"

Unsure why he would ask such a thing I simply nodded, watching as he departed, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again.

**_AN:_**_ Shorter chapter I know but to be honest I have had major writers block of late, that coupled with tight deadlines at work has made my writing time very scarce. Late once again I know, looks like it will be three to four weeks between chapters rather than the two I was hoping for…_

_Thank you all for sticking with me despite the delays._

_Till next time,_

_Hououza_


	13. Fourth Children

**02:13 – Fourth Children**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

"Wake up Shinji! Please! Wake up! I promise I'll never doubt you again just don't leave me alone…"

I fell across his prone body, desperately pleading for him to open his eyes, to tell me he was ok. I had finally heard those words, the ones I had secretly longed for since he kissed me, the ones I had been uncertain of since he pulled away. For the first time since my mother died I had someone that truly loved me and now he lay unconscious on the floor.

"Your efforts are without merit pilot Soryu, Ikari will not awaken."

I turned to look at her, standing over me still wearing nothing but his shirt. An irrational anger filled me as I got to my feet, fixing her with my gaze.

"Wondergirl…you, this is your fault! I told you to keep away from him!"

Her eyes hardened slightly and she did not back down from my gaze. If it had been anyone else I would have expected to see flames of rage but with her I was greeted by nothing but coldness.

"Ikari does not belong to you, who he spends time with is none of your concern. Nor is who he chooses to kiss…"

As her words reached me I saw red and without thinking lunged at her, hands aimed at her throat. We both went down falling to the floor in a tangled heap, my body on top of hers. At once I struggled to get a grip, desperately trying to choke the life out of her. I was so intent on doing so I didn't notice when her arm cam up suddenly and her fist struck me in the side of the head. I was momentarily surprised by how strong she was as I lost my balance and fell to the side. Shaking my head to clear it I rolled to my feet, standing face to face with wondergirl, now that she too had gotten to her feet and was about to lay into her once again when the sound of a gunshot rang out.

"ENOUGH! Both of you!"

I turned to find Misato standing in the doorway, a group of rather scared looking paramedics behind her. Already they were beginning to recover and were examining Shinji, the first calling over the others as they lifted him on a stretcher and carried him away. I desperately wanted to go with him but seeing the look in Misato's eyes I knew I would not be allowed. She wanted answers and right now that was exactly what I did not want to give…she walked over to stand between us, holstering her sidearm as she did so.

"You two, sit down."

Her voice was dangerously quiet, offering no room for complaint. Wondergirl and I took seats at opposite end of the living room, Misato standing in the middle.

"Now, the two of you are going to tell me what the hell you think you were doing having a cat fight and why Shinji was unconscious."

Neither one of us spoke, it seemed that wondergirl was about as keen to tell Misato everything as I was…I could tell Misato had noticed her current state of undress and already her face held a frown.

"Rei…can you please tell me why exactly you are wearing one of Shinji's shirts?"

"Pilot Ikari offered it to me because my clothes were wet from the rain."

Misato nodded, I had to admit it did not seem like she was lying, that did sound like something that idiot would do. The question I wanted answered was what she was doing here in the first place but when Misato turned her attention towards me it seemed as if I would not have the chance.

"Asuka…what happened to Shinji?"

"He…"

I stumbled over my words, not wanting to think about that moment.

"I was just about to leave when he came after me, he…he said something to me and then collapsed, clutching at his chest…"

"What did he say to you?"

"I…"

I didn't want to tell her, his words were meant for me and me alone…I turned away from her, not willing to meet her gaze. She reached down and caught hold of my chin, turning my head to face her.

"Asuka…tell me what he said to you."

"'I love you.'"

Her hand fell away from my face even as she stepped back in surprise. For a moment she simply stood there, eyes closed and unmoving, I had no way of knowing what was going on in her head.

"Rei, if your clothes are dry please get changed and head back to your apartment. I will be handling this incident personally; it does not need to be brought to the Commander's attention. Understand?"

Looking over at her for the briefest of moments I though I saw a flicker of defiance in her eyes before it vanished leaving them impassive as before.

"Yes major."

Those were her only words as she silently complied with Misato's orders, dressing and departing, leaving us alone.

For a while we stayed as we were, I seated in one of the chairs while Misato stood in the middle of the room, eyes closed. Emotionally drained I sat there with my knees hugged up against my chest, silently praying that Shinji would be ok. When at last she opened her eyes I could see she was still angry and I bore the full brunt of her tirade.

"How could you be so stupid? You were already almost got yourself a one-way ticket back to Germany after the last stunt you pulled! Do you know how much I had to beg the Commander not to ship you off right away? If he found out that you were fighting with Rei…what the hell were you thinking?"

"I…"

Feeling my own anger surface, my own rage at my feeling of weakness I got to my feet screaming in her face.

"…She kissed him! That tramp kissed my Shinji! She tried to steal him away from me but I won't let her! I won't!"

"And what do you think getting into a fight with her will prove? That you're a bigger emotional fuck up than she is? Shinji was unconscious and all you could think about was kicking the hell out of some other girl…you don't deserve him!"

Her words hit me like a slap in the face as for the first time I realised how foolish I had been…lashing out at wondergirl wasn't going to help Shinji, in truth it would have only hurt him more…I knew he loved me, what was the point in fighting then?

_Pride._

My selfish, stupid pride. I couldn't let her insult me that way, I couldn't accept that someone like her would dare try and take something of mine away from me. I hit her because I wanted to, to show her how much better I was, that a doll like her could never beat me and in letting go she had truly won, demonstrating that my pride meant more to me than Shinji.

"…I lost."

I spent that night in my room for the first time in a while, finding no comfort in the familiar surroundings. Rage swirled within me, the humiliation I had suffered in losing to that doll eating away at me constantly. When Shinji had surpassed me as a pilot I had been angry at first but the shock of seeing him hurt, injured fighting to protect me had stripped away my delusions, taking me past my rage and to the truth that lay beneath. As he had lain in the hospital for the first time I had been able to admit to myself that I loved him, that the shy boy I had first met that day on the aircraft carrier had somehow made his way into my heart. Having both seen and felt the terrible rage that resided within him, the terrible emptiness created by the loss of his mother, the abandonment of his father I had found that he was like me though with him the darkness ran even deeper…perhaps that was what gave Unit-01 it's strength, it drew upon the dark place inside him, using it to bring death to all those who stood against him…

Wondergirl was a different story altogether…her synch ratios are mediocre at best, all she had ever done is acted as backup. In all the time she had been a pilot she had done nothing, amongst the three of us she is most definitely the least. Yet, she is the Commander's favourite, he treats her almost like his own daughter…I've heard about the run down piece of crap that's her apartment, the awful conditions she lives in, it makes me believe he thinks of her as his child even more when you consider how he acted towards Shinji. She does everything he says, never stopping to question his orders, always obeying mindlessly. To lose to someone like her was not something I could accept, even if it were a hollow victory on her part…he loved me, me not her. Nothing she could do what change that, she would not take him away from me, not when I told him that I loved him in return…I was drawn from my thoughts when the door to my room slid open and Misato stepped inside. I rolled over onto my back to look up at her, wondering what could be behind her sudden intrusion.

"He's alive."

As soon as I heard those two words my heart leapt. Shinji was alive…

"They just finished operating and he is in stable condition, according to the doctors he will be unable to pilot for a while. The Commander has been informed of this and because of the risk this presents you and Rei are being put on twenty-four hour alert. Tomorrow you will be transferred on a temporary basis to Nerv and will remain on site until he is fully recovered or an alternative backup pilot can be found, understood?"

"But…that means I won't be able to…"

"Asuka…he will be fine. He's lived through worse…"

"But!"

"No Asuka. Not this time. Despite what you may have said in the past Shinji remains our best pilot, he has the highest kill rate of the three of you. With him out of action the fights just got that much harder. You and Rei both need to work on your ratios and combat drills, we can't afford any mistakes…"

With that final comment she turned and left, leaving me alone with my thoughts…thoughts of Shinji, of the time I would be unable to see him, the time I would be unable to declare my love…I know he will wait for me, all I have to do now is survive so that one day we will be able to leave this place and never look back…

I slept late the next morning, having been up late. Misato too seemed a little sluggish and I realise that perhaps this was getting to her as well…when I had flown off the handle at her it had been a mistake, she cared for Shinji as much as I did, just in a different way. Despite the teasing she really does care about him, almost like a younger brother, perhaps even a son. At times she starts to feel like my mother and it's those times that I try and distance myself from her, I find it easier to speak to her as an older sister. We shouldn't have fought; all it did was bring us pain and pain to Shinji.

"I'm sorry…"

She looked up at me, confusion in her eyes.

"For when I screamed at you in the hospital…I was wrong."

She shook her head.

"No…I didn't try hard enough. I was going to let them kill him…if it hadn't been for Unit-01…"

"I think…that we were both wrong, in different ways. Truce?"

"Truce."

She stood up and embraced me, pulling me into a gentle hug.

"Don't worry Asuka, it will all be ok."

After that we spent the time in silence, neither one of us knowing quite what to say. Peace had been restored between us but still there was emptiness in both our hearts, one caused by the absence of a certain brown haired blue-eyed boy…

I took it upon myself to cook breakfast, not trusting Misato in the kitchen. My culinary skills being minimal I stuck to making toast, after depleting almost an entire loaf of bread we departed, heading to Nerv at Misato's usual frantic pace. When we arrived Dr Akagi was there to meet us, immediately pulling me away for a synch test.

"I'll be in the control room Asuka, we'll check out your accommodation afterwards, ok?"

"Ok."

The test went well, my ratio remaining stable although I was a little disappointed that it had not improved at all. After that Misato took me to the room I was staying in, it wasn't too bad, before heading back to the command centre. Having a little free time on my hands I decided to take a walk, eventually finding myself outside the office that had been temporarily assigned to Kaji. I haven't seen him since that night…the one when I kissed Shinji. A lot has changed since then, my crush is all but forgotten although he does still hold a special place in my heart. Kaji is like the father I wanted or perhaps the older brother I never had, he was always trying to take that role rather than the one I constantly tried to push him into, I should have known the minute I saw him look at Misato…

I knocked on the door to his office and received no reply, wondering if he was in I pushed the door open only to find the room dark, illuminated only by the glow of his computer. I was about to leave when I something on the screen caught my eye, it seemed he was reviewing our synch tests. Scanning across them I noticed something was wrong, rather than the three I had been expecting there were in fact four, moving the pointer to select it the pilot data loaded onto the screen and I was forced to take a double take when I read the name.

"What in the name of…who in the hell decided to make him a pilot?"

"Asuka?"

I whirled around to find Kaji standing in the door way, looking at me with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Asuka, what are you doing in my office?"

"I…um…"

I floundered for an answer, trying desperately to stop him from realising what I had seen. Too late it seemed as his eyes strayed to the computer screen, then back to me.

"Asuka…"

No longer seeing a point in hiding it I decided to confront him.

"Since when, since when was that stooge declared the fourth?"

"A few days ago, the Marduke institute notified the commander just as Unit-03 was dispatched here. He was approached and accepted the candidacy; he was designated fourth child and synch tested immediately. He will come on active duty as soon as his unit arrives, acting as backup for Unit-01."

"Why…why him?"

"Because he was the one they wanted…you know his sister is going to be given special treatment because of this, she will be given the best care that Nerv can offer…"

His sister…I had only heard about that once or twice. I heard that she had been injured in the first battle, the first time Shinji acted as a pilot. She got hurt when a shelter was damaged, both legs almost crushed by falling rubble. Hikari had been the one to tell me, when I mentioned it to Shinji he had refused to talk about it. Feeling uncertain ad more than a little confused I made to leave, stopping when I felt his hand on my shoulder. I turned to face him and was surprised to find his eyes hard.

"Asuka, you mustn't tell anyone about what you saw, understand?"

There was something about how he said it, an underlying threat I had never before heard from him. Feeling a little frightened I nodded and he released his grip.

"I'll see you later Asuka."

With that he closed the door leaving me alone in the hallway. Feeling increasingly worried and afraid I ran all the way back to my room and locked the door.

The next few days passed quietly, right up until the point Misato informed me she was going to the second test site to perform the orientation for the fourth child. I made sure to act surprised at this news, pestering her for information as if I had not expected a new pilot to be chosen. All too well I recalled the unspoken threat in Kaji's words when he had spoken to me and did not want to put it to the test…it seemed she believed me because she showed no signs of suspicion, Misato's not the best of actors so I assumed I was ok. I had no test that day because both she and the doctor would be at the second test site, leaving me pretty much at a loose end. Not allowed to leave the base I had wondered it's halls, right up until the point the angel alarm had begun to sound. I ran all the way to the locker room, changing quickly and paying no regard to wondergirl. All that mattered was the angel, stopping it before it could reach the city, protecting those who lived within, protecting Shinji…this time I would be the one to come to the rescue.

When I reached the cages I was told very little and was hurried into my Eva. Once inside I opened the comm. channels only to pick up bits and pieces, enough to tell me there had been an accident at Matsusura although no-one knew exactly what had happened. They were unable to contact the people there, meaning no Misato, because of that the commander himself took control of the operation.

"Unit's 00 and 02, once you are on the surface you are to take defensive positions around the number twelve elevator. Unit-01 will arrive three minutes later, you are to guard it until the angel comes into effective combat range then withdraw, understood?"

Unit-01? But how! Shinji was still in the hospital…

"Sir, how can Unit-01 be operational? Shinji is still in the hospital!"

"That is not your concern pilot, you need only obey my orders not ask foolish questions. Understood?"

"Yes sir."

I desperately wanted to ask more but the undisguised menace in his voice made me hold my tongue, he had already warned me once, I could not risk messing up again and being sent away from Shinji. Unit-02 hit the surface and I followed my orders as directed, positioning myself along side Unit-00 in front of the number twelve elevator. In the mean time a shadow appeared on the horizon, what I assumed must be the angel. Shifting my view to get a better look at it I was forced to do a double take, to my horror realising that it was another Eva.

"That's an Eva!"

"Unit-03, it has been possessed by the angel, it is now classified as the thirteenth angel."

"But, there's a pilot inside that thing!"

"Irrelevant, it will be destroyed. Pilot Soryu, you are treading on thin ice. I will tolerate no more outbursts."

I wanted so badly to slap him, that bastard. How could he act as if someone's life didn't matter? Even that stooge didn't deserve to be treated like that…suddenly there was a sound behind me and I turned to find Unit-01 standing there.

It felt different, the familiar presence was replaced with one that was far more malevolent, a feeling of barely restrained madness seemed to radiate from it. As the angel possessed Unit closed the remaining distance between us and it I followed my orders and spun out of the way, looking back as Unit-01 suddenly sprang to life, catching the black Eva around it's throat. The possessed Unit tried to break Unit-01's grip but to no avail, the purple Eva tightened it, snapping the other Eva's neck. When it fell silent I expected the attack to end but was horrified when Unit-01 continued to fight, tearing the other Eva apart. Blood spattered in all directions, covering the city like it had when it had broken free of the last angel. But, this time Unit-01 was not berserker and Shinji was most definitely not at the controls…

Time seemed to slow as I watched it lift the entry plug, knowing who it was inside. I watched as the hand closed sharply, crushing the plug and most likely killing it's occupant. The ruined plug dropped to the ground even as Unit-01 fell silent. The only thought running through my mind was how I could possibly break it to Shinji…that his Eva had murdered his best friend…

**_AN:_**_ I decided to try a different approach this time, something more akin to the second chapter of Forgotten. I hope this worked ok…_

_Thank you all for sticking with me despite the delays._

_Till next time,_

Hououza 

_02 is not preread._


	14. The price I pay

**02:14 – The price I pay**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

I spent the following few days alone, save from the nurses coming into check on me and bring me my meals I saw no-one else. Neither Asuka, nor Rei, nor Misato came to visit me this time, most likely because of what had happened. In the end the nurses had very kindly brought me a TV and so I spent much of my time idly watching various shows, trying not to think about home…Misato's apartment is my home now, the first place I can remember that I have called by that name. I don't remember living with my parent at all and after that I lived with my teacher and that was certainly not somewhere I could have called home. Misato's was the first place I felt welcome and despite the fact she had me doing almost all the chores I felt comfortable there. Asuka's arrival had changed that at first, when she first moved in it had been difficult, by then I had gotten used to Misato's morning attire but Asuka was a different story entirely. Thankfully her attitude forced me to keep my distance somewhat and so it never really got in the way…not until we kissed.

Although I didn't admit it at the time I never really kissed a girl before, that was my first time. The feel of her lips against mine had been electric, shocks running through my whole body as it surged with unfamiliar desires. If it hadn't been for her fingers clasping my nose shut, stopping me from breathing I would have taken it deeper, responding to the desires within me. As it was I had been forced to break away, that or pass out from lack of oxygen…part of me wonders what would she have done had I fainted, would she have still stormed away? That's the problem with having nothing to do, it leaves you time to think about things. Ever since that first contact things have been moving so quickly, everything has been like a blur. This is the first time I have really been able to stop and consider it all, to try and understand what has been happening.

I don't understand Asuka, why she switches from happy to angry and back again. One moment she is yelling at me to keep away from her and the next she is yelling because I am too far away…I don't understand, I can't figure out how she feels about me anymore than I could the laws of thermal expansion. I wish someone could explain it to me…although this time I hope they don't do it in such an embarrassing way. She seemed to warm up to me a little after the kiss but then when I got bet synch scores she turned hostile again. Then, after the angel she was nice at first but then hostile again when Misato arrived. Again she seemed to be trying to be nice to me at the apartment but went hostile when she saw Ayanami kiss me…

Rei remains an even bigger mystery. I still remember when she slapped me after I doubted my father, the feel of her breast against my palm when I fell on her that time. With Asuka everything is all out, full on intensity but with Ayanami it's the other way. She never seems to react to anything, the slap and more recently her coming onto me are the only times I can recall her having a reaction to anything. I wish I could understand what changed, why she suddenly started showing an interest in me and more importantly why she is so willing to show me her body…in truth I've come to see her more as a friend, perhaps even a sister in some ways. It feels awkward when she looks at me that way, there wasn't the same spark in her kiss…

My thoughts were broken by a familiar sound, one I had been dreading. The angel alarms had flared into life, signalling the arrival of the next angel. In my current condition there would be nothing I could do, nothing but sit in the shelters with the rest of the civilians and pray, pray that they could beat the angel without me, that they would both be ok…

"Mr Ikari?"

I looked up to see a nurse standing in the doorway, a wheelchair in front of her, obviously meant for me.

"All the patients are being moved down into the hospital's shelter until the attack is over. If you can get into this chair I will wheel you down there."

I felt resentment bubble up inside me, I was no invalid, I could walk on my own two feet. I considered saying this but on seeing the look in the nurse's eyes, the obvious signs of overwork and worry I held my tongue, silently slipping out of the bed and into the proffered seat. She wheeled me away in silence, stopping once or twice to speak briefly with other nurses who passed by, never saying more than a few words. From what I could tell they were having difficulty moving al the patients, there were too many people to move and too few moving them. Frustrated, at one point I had told her I could wheel myself to allow her to go and deal with the others. She had immediately replied that it was not possible, as a pilot my safety came first. Not for the first time I cursed my fate, the fact that other people would suffer because of me…

The shelter itself was none too pleasant, it was not meant to house so many people so everyone was packed in tightly, bed pushed together to make more space. The whole place reeked of sickness and decay and it was in this place of suffering and death I was abandoned. Left to my own devices I allowed my self to sink back into my thoughts until someone called my name.

"Shinji…?"

I looked up to see a girl looking at me, as far as I could tell she seemed to be no more than nine years old. For some reason this strange girl seemed familiar to me, something about her reminded me of someone I knew. I reached down to the wheels of my chair, sliding myself closer to her so we could speak.

"You're Shinji Ikari right?"

I nodded in response, still unsure why this girl knew my name and still unable to shake that nagging feeling at the back of my brain.

"My big brother told me about you, he said you were a good person."

Then it clicked as I realised who this girl reminded me of.

"You're Toji's little sister aren't you…Mari?"

She nodded, a small smile creeping over her face, obviously pleased that I had remembered her name. I looked at her again, as if seeing her for the first time, taking in the bandages wrapped across her small frame, the metal framework wrapped around her legs…

"I'm sorry…"

She looked at me, a confused expression on her face.

"Why?"

"Because you were injured because of me, because I wasn't able to pilot the robot properly."

She shook her head.

"But you saved us, the nurses said that you saved us all from dying, that you were a hero."

I smiled sadly at her, feeling both gladdened and saddened by her words, warmed by her faith in me but sad because I knew they were untrue, I am no hero.

"I told my brother that after he told me he hit you, you shouldn't hit heroes."

For the life of me I could not bear to tell her the truth, to say just how much of a coward I really am. I simply sat there, listening to her words of praise, hearing only her small coughs, the sounds she made as she occasionally winced in pain. This was because of me, even if I had saved us all from third impact I had failed to save this girl, my failure, that was what was important to me.

"Shinji?"

I snapped out of my thoughts when she called my name, feeling a little embarrassed that I had drifted off while she was talking.

"Yes Mari?"

"What's it like?"

Still half lost in my thoughts I didn't understand her question.

"What's what like?"

"Piloting the robot."

For a moment I had a feeling of deja vu, my mind racing back to the moment a few days ago when Toji had asked me that exact same question. Something sparked in my mind and I was on the verge of an important realisation when Mari tugged on my sleeve.

"Shinji?"

"Huh?"

"You looked strange for a moment there, are you ok?"

"It's nothing. I'm fine…"

I once again remembered her question and began trying to explain although with little success.

"Piloting the Eva is like…I don't know how o describe it. It's like…you and it are the same, you feel what it feels as if it's body was your own."

She looked at me, confused.

"So, you feel like a giant robot?"

"In a sense…I'm not really sure how to describe it any better than that. It's something you really have to experience to understand."

"Ok."

It was then that I finally asked the question that had been at the back of my mind since she asked me about it.

"Mari…why did you want to know about the Eva?"

"Because my brother told me he was going to be a pilot. I wanted to know what it was going to be like for him."

In that instant it all fell into place. Toji's final words made sense to me now, he wasn't sure if he would come back alive…lost for words and yet afraid of silence lest I make Mari worry I forced myself to smile, asking her about her time in the hospital, desperately hoping that everything would be alright.

When the attack finally ended the same nurse from before arrived to wheel me back to my room. I bid farewell to Mari, leaving her with a promise that I would come and visit her as soon as they let me out of the hospital. How long that would be exactly I did not know but however long it took I swore that I would keep this promise. When at last we arrived and she stopped to open the door I was surprised to find that the room was no longer empty, that a second bed was now in the room, this one closer to the window while my was nearer the door. At first I didn't recognise the person laying there but, as I got closer and caught a glimpse of the side of their face I at once recognised them.

"Toji!"

He didn't respond at first. His eyes were closed and he did not seem to react when I called his name.

"Toji!"

I tried again, this time he stirred slightly, his eyes opening as he turned his head to look at me. When he spoke his voice was faint and raspy.

"Shinji?"

Ignoring the nurse's protests I wheeled myself over to him, stopping at his bedside. It was then I finally noticed something I had missed before, where his right arm and leg should have been was empty space…he was alive but at what cost? Something had gone wrong and now he was for want of a better word crippled. I could only wonder if it would have been different had I been there, if Unit-01 had been able to take part in the battle.

"Toji…what happened? How did this…?"

I trailed off, not knowing what to say. His eyes slid closed and after a moment I assumed he had slipped back into unconsciousness. I turned to the nurse, needing to know what had happened, why he had been hurt so badly. Not thinking I stood up, grasping the woman by the shoulders, shaking her slightly.

"What happened to him? Tell me!"

"His…his arm and leg were crushed and had to be amputated. He received a series of lacerations to his head neck and chest as well as minor concussion."

"How?"

"I…I don't know. The people who brought him in, they were saying something about a purple Eva."

I let the trembling woman go, stumbling away from her. Trying to understand how unit-01 could have been involved when I was here, in the hospital.

"Why?"

Raising my eyes to the heavens I screamed.

"WHY GOD? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!"

Then, as I feel to my knees as the pain in my chest rose once again I knew nothing but darkness.

**_AN:_**_ If there is one thing in this world I really hate it has to be auditors, right at this moment my company is about to be audited and because every other, insert swear word of choice, is going to be elsewhere I get to deal with them. Hence I have no time at the moment as I am busy preparing everything for their arrival…I miss University and the days I actually had time for things…_

_Juggled with this chapter are updates for Forgotten and In a Perfect World, a Naruto one shot, lots of first chapters (about another six or more stories as I keep getting inspiration but no time to write) and perhaps the first thoughts about continuing No, as soon as I sort out the second chapter onwards._

_Ok, enough ranting, thanks all for the support._

_Till next time,_

Hououza 

_02 is not preread._


	15. One Month

**02:15 – One Month**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

The days that followed the battle were some of the worst in recent memory, each day I was forced to watch in silence as Hikari waited patiently for Suzahara, knowing that no matter how long she waited he would never come. What had happened with the thirteenth had been marked as classified, no-one outside Nerv could be told, no doubt they were afraid of the panic that would ensue should anyone discover that the very things that were created to save them could be turned against them and possessed by the enemy.

What was worse was that I heard Shinji had another episode, soon after Suzahara had been admitted to the hospital. After pestering Misato for more details she had told me all she had heard, that it had been triggered by his discovery of his friend's injuries and the biomechanical machine that had been responsible. Although he was alive, Suzahara had been seriously wounded, both his left arm and leg crushed when the plug was destroyed.

No doubt Shinji blamed himself for this, even if he had not been in control of Unit-01 at the time. Knowing him he would believe that it had happened because he was not there, that had he been piloting it would have turned out differently. Perhaps, although I doubt it somehow…I desperately wanted to go and see him, check up on his recovery. Of course, my request was denied, the Commander refusing to allow me to see his son.

When I tried to object he once again warned me, his voice betraying no hint of emotion, that should I disobey his orders then my time as a pilot would come to an end. Those words followed me as I exited the office, finding that now I no longer cared. I travelled to the hospital the next day, after school, only to find myself blocked once again.

"Sorry Miss Soryu but no-one is allowed to see Mr Ikari at the moment, doctor's orders."

Frustrated beyond belief, knowing that just by being here I ran the risk of Section-2 reporting me and coming to take me away I could not afford to back down.

"Please! I have to see him! This might be my last chance!"

The nurse gave me a sympathetic look, her face softening slightly. When she next spoke her voice was little more than a whisper and as it was I strained to hear her above the background noise.

"Left corridor, five minutes."

I was shocked by her words, barely noticing when she spoke again, this time in louder tones.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you miss."

Shaking slightly I nodded my thanks even as I managed to force the words from my trembling lips.

"Thank you."

I walked away from the counter than, excited and afraid, not knowing how he would react.

Four and a half minutes later I slipped silently into the side corridor, taking great pains to ensure that no one noticed me. I stood there, waiting silently, watching for her to arrive. I nearly jumped when I felt a hand rest gently on my shoulder, turning slowly I found myself face to face with the nurse from before.

"This way, we have to hurry. I'm back on shift in fifteen minutes so you only have around five to ten. Please don't get him worked up again, if anyone finds out about this I'll get in serious trouble."

I simply nodded in response, not trusting my voice. My thoughts were filled with fears over how he might react to me, whether he would listen or send me away. I could not know whether he was still mad with me, whether my actions the last time I saw him would remain fresh in his mind, the fact that I had treated him so harshly. When we stopped outside the room the nurse signalled for me to go in, she indicated silently she would wait outside, no doubt to ensure that no-one came while I was there, that no one found out.

My vision was filled with Shinji I saw nothing else. Silently approaching his silent form I noticed no reaction to my presence. As I moved ever closer and I noticed his eyes were closed and the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest that he was asleep. Not wanting to wake him I carefully sat down beside the bed, the same chair I had occupied back then, on that day that now seemed so long ago even though it was less than a week.

Once more I felt the need to speak to him, even if I knew he could not hear me.

"I'm sorry Shinji…I never wanted to things to end up like this."

I paused for a moment, stumbling over my words.

"I probably shouldn't have come here, this will be the end of my career as a pilot but I don't care anymore! I want to get away from this place, from the nightmares of the past that continue to haunt me. I want a future free of Evas, one that has you by my side…I won't lose you…I can't…I love you too much Shinji."

The tears came and I dropped forwards, sobbing softly against his bare arm.

"So, the devil can cry after all."

Shocked by the voice I spun round only to find Suzahara laying in the second bed in the room, his head turned to look at me. He had been there all along; I had just refused to see him. He had heard everything I said, all of my confession meant only for Shinji. I know all too well how the stooge thinks of me, his comment had made that clear. For him to have heard something so personal, so private, shook me to the core. When he spoke again his voice did not hold the hospitality I had expected, for once I was given a glimpse into the person beneath the façade, the one Hikari had always seen.

"Don't worry red. I won't tell anyone what I heard…Shinji's suffered enough, he deserves some happiness…heck, so do you."

Tears came again, not of sadness this time but of relief.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. Too much fucked up stuff going on around here already"

"You know Hikari is worried about you…"

He managed to give me a half smile although I could clearly see the pain in his eyes. The same pain I had seen in Hikari's, each day she waited for him and he never came. It was then the nurse signalled me from the door, my time had come to an end. I stood up and started to leave, just as I was about to walk out the door he called out to me.

"Hey! Asuka!"

I turned to face him, wondering what it was he wanted to say.

"First chance you get, grab hold of Shin-man, haul him out of here and never look back. Don't make my mistake, don't wait until it's too late like I did."

Saying nothing in response I departed, his final words echoing in my mind.

The following morning the fourteenth angel made it's entrance, the trembling of Tokyo-3 announcing it's arrival. It was fortunate that I was already at Nerv, the angel was already tearing through the first layers of armour by the time I had reached the locker rooms. By the time Unit-02 was ready for launch it had already almost reached the geofront and rather than the surface I was deployed on the lush grass beside the forbidding black pyramid that was the heart of Nerv.

Assorted weapons were laid out at the feet of my Eva, mostly guns, the plan was to destroy it before it closed into range for close combat. From what had been learned, this angel was far more powerful than those that came before, I had been advised to avoid combat at all costs. As it tore through the last layers of earth and steel I launched a volley of missile fire from the rocket launcher held against the Eva's shoulder.

They found their mark, exploding against the 'face' of the angel, halting it for a moment but seemingly doing no real damage. I discarded the empty weapon, picking up two rifles instead, firing volley after volley into the angel, still to no avail. Dropping the empty weapons I reached for more but already the angel was upon me, ribbon like blades unfolding from it's arms. Having no other choice I drew my progressive knife, charging at the angel.

The ribbons whipped out, severing Unit-02's arms at the shoulder. I cried out, the nerve connections not severed quickly enough for me to be completely spared the pain. I was beaten, again, and this time there would be no Unit-01 to save me. I heard a few snippets as I went out, the Eva was refusing whatever it was they had used against the last angel, no doubt it would accept only Shinji…even though he would not come.

The angel advanced closer, it's ribbon blades coming out once again, this time moving towards my Eva's neck. I knew that if the nerves were not cut in time I would feel the sensation of my head being cut off, I might even die because of the feedback. In that final moment, as the blade cut into the armour, the connection broke and the plug fell silent, I was cut free just in time. Still, for an instant, I had felt the pressure of the blade, and for that moment it had been my neck.

All that remained now was a terrible darkness and intermittent sounds. The comm. system was still working partially; it could still receive most of the transmissions coming from command. Unit-00 was being sent out now, an N2 mine held in either hand. The orders were to bring them into contact with the core and detonate; the shielding on the Eva would be enough to defend against the blast.

An explosion rocked what remained of my Eva and when the static cleared I could make out the vices, screaming, arguing, this attempt too had failed and now, with Unit-00 also disabled, there was nothing left to stop the angel…making a silent prayer to god, I asked only that Shinji would somehow hear my thoughts and know how I felt…

"Die you bastard angel!"

That voice. His voice. I could not believe that he had come, that he had chosen to pilot even though he had known it would almost certainly mean his death. Even if I could not see it I could feel what was happening, the pure power that emanated from Unit-01 as it struck at the angel. Suddenly, it wavered and died and I gripped by fear, afraid that he was dead. Them, all of a sudden, the world shook with the sound of his rage, the guttural voice of Unit-01 shaking the very earth.

The only sound I heard then was a voice, speaking in no more than a whisper. Speaking that single word, the one that crippled my heart with a renewed fear.

"Berserker."

When at last I was taken from the entry plug, pulled free by the rescue team, I saw Unit-01 standing there, bound by a hundred dark threads, trapped in what I knew to be the anti angel defence net. This time the madness had gone too far, the great machine no longer resembled a creation of man but rather some great ancient primeval bestial god, come to wreak havoc on the mortals who had forsaken it's worship.

I later was to learn that somehow the Eva had taken Shinji, his ratio had passed four hundred percent and from what I could piece together from disjointed words he had somehow become part of the Eva, somehow his soul had become bonded to the core. Even now they were trying to retrieve him, to get him back from the purple monster but to no avail. I heard rumours, people talking about a time this had happened before, when the test pilot had been lost.

I wept bitter tears, not knowing if I would ever see him again or if he would forever be trapped within the core of his Eva, cut off from this world and me as well.

A month passed, no further attempts were made as they researched ways to get him back. When at last they tried again a month had passed, this would be the last chance before they lost him forever. At first it seemed to be going well, the readings were good and it looked like they would be successful. Then, without warning, an alarm started sounding as people began talking rapidly, they were losing him.

When the plug began to eject it seemed it was over, I watched in horror as the orange liquid spilled forth, Shinji's clothes among them. No longer able to hold myself back I ran out of there, ran to the cages, screaming for him, screaming for Shinji.

"Damn you! You monster! Give him back! Give him back to me!"

As if hearing my plea there was a sudden movement and the naked form of Shinji fell onto me, forcing me to the floor beneath his weight. His breathing was shallow but I could feel his heart beating strong and fast against my chest and knew he was ok. For the first time I shad my tears willingly before others, wanting them all to know how I felt, that I was happy the man I loved was returned and I would never let him go again.

"Thank you."

For a moment it's eyes seemed to flicker in answer before falling silent.

**AN:** Well, here is the 15th chapter at last. In a Perfect World has had a few updates and Forgotten had one plus a few odds and ends here and there. Time is limited despite the fact that the auditors are gone and we passed there is still a lot of work needed. I will try and write when I can, IAPW will hopefully get its fifth chapter soon but there are no guarantees. 

_Thank you everyone for the reviews._

_Till next time,_

_Hououza_

_02 is not preread._


	16. A place without end

**02:16 – A place without end**

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

After the darkness engulfed me I drifted back into the dark place inside my mind, cut off from all things outside this world. I had sat there, curled into a ball, rocking silently back and forth as I remembered what had happened to Toji, cursing myself for being so weak, for not being there to prevent the tragedy that had occurred. If only I had not been like this, if only I was not so weak then Toji would not be crippled for the rest of his life.

When a crack appeared in the darkness I barely noticed, not until the sounds of her voice drifted across. Startled I pulled myself up, running as hard as I could to the source, desperate to hear her words. Even as I reached the breech, three words filtered through, ones that would forever be burned into my mind, ones that I had wanted to hear for so very long…

_I love you._

I cried then, silent tears rolling down my face. I wanted so badly to reach out to her, to hold her in my arms, but I could not. I was trapped in this place, bound her until I was allowed to wake up, until the chemicals in my blood were burned out and I regained fully consciousness. Even so, I still felt the need to give voice to the words of my heart.

"I love you too my Asuka."

Her voice began to fade and the crack slowly disappeared leaving me in utter darkness once more. This time however, I was no longer afraid. I found strength, even in this place, simply because I now knew she felt the same way. Warmth flooded through me as the cold of this place receded and slowly light pushed back the darkness.

It was then I became aware of another, a consciousness other than my own in this place, one that I had believe to be mine alone. Turning to face them I found myself meeting the gaze of one that was not human, one that we would call 'angel'.

"Why are you here?"

_I have come to test you._

"Why?"

_You are the chosen one, through you humanity shall be judged._

"Why me? Why must I always be the one?"

_Because that is the will of the almighty and none my question the will of god._

"Then come, I will defeat you if I must."

No. A test cannot be held in this place. I will come now, so that we might do battle, so that I may test the strength of your heart

The angel faded then even as I felt myself being pulled upwards, away from this place, back into the waking realm.

I blinked once or twice, the light streaming through the windows of the hospital room hurting my eyes at first. I could hear birdsong coming from afar and at once knew it was morning. The angel had told me it would come soon and even though I did not know how I knew that even now it was drawing ever closer. As if to confirm my thoughts the alarms began to sound, the familiar claxon screaming into life.

In moments the room was alive with hospital staff, already they were moving Toji onto a portable bed, preparing to wheel him down to the shelter. A wheelchair was brought over for me, to take me there as well.

"No."

I could not go this time; this time I must pilot Unit-01 to rise to the challenge laid before me by the angel. I would defeat it and pass this test, no matter what it cost, Asuka must live on.

"Pilot Ikari…"

One of the nurses started but I waved her away, getting to my feet and heading for the door. To my side I noticed Toji sit up slightly and offer me a weak grin; I knew that even though he did not know why I was doing this that he understood.

I ran through the corridors of the hospital, navigating my way to the special doors, the ones that connected directly into Nerv. From there I could make my way to the control room and then down to the cages and Unit-01. There will be no arguments, no discussion; even my father will not stop me from doing what must be done. If I am the one chosen to defend humanity then so be it, it will not run away again.

I passed a number of people as I went, most stopping to stare, those that knew of my 'condition' shocked to see me here, dressed in little more than a set of hospital pyjamas. There had been no time to change; into something better, every moment I delayed was another one passed since the test had begun. I can already feel Unit-01, it's bloodlust echoing in my mind, calling for me to take it out there, to feel the joy of battle once again.

The complex shakes slightly and I know an Eva has been launched now, I desperately hope that Asuka is not the one. Despite her skills I know she cannot win and if she dies then this all will be for nothing. Running harder I can feel the pain starting but I force it down, I cannot afford to die yet, not while there is more to be done. Closing on the command centre I feel the building shake once again, that means the first Eva has been defeated, the other has been launched now that they know they cannot use Unit-01.

I burst through the doors, all heads turning to me, for the first time a look of true surprise showing on my father's face.

"Shinji?"

"Get me into Unit-01, I have to go out there!"

He finally recovered his composure somewhat, fixing me with his gaze.

"Pilot Ikari, return to the shelters immediately, you are not on active duty."

"No father! There's no time! Unit-01 will only accept me, don't you understand? I have to be the one to stop the angel."

For moment we stood there, our gazes held in a silent deadlock until much to my relief he acquiesced.

"Load the entry plug, configure it for Pilot Ikari."

Looking up at the man, his eyes once more turned back to the main monitor, his hands returned to their familiar pose I felt a small smile grace my lips.

"Thank you father."

As soon as I reached Unit-01 I was handed a spare plug suit by one of the techs. Thanking them with a nod I took it with me into the plug, discarding the pale blue pyjamas and pulling it on. Even as the suit tightened to my skin with a hiss of air, LCL began to rapidly fill the plug. One by one systems came online as Unit-01 sprang to life once more, the anticipation of battle resonating within our joined minds.

"Unit-01 launch."

I felt the g-forces tugging at me for an instant as my Eva was catapulted outside, out to the surface of the geofront. What I saw there chilled me to the bone, the crumpled for of Unit-00 and behind it, standing there like some form of grizzly monument, the silent form of Evangelion Unit-02, missing it's arms and head.

"Asuka!"

Rage filled my mind, all reason leaving me as I was filled with a single desire, a single need, to destroy the being that had dared harm the one I love.

"Die you bastard angel!"

The last thing I heard as the red mist descended and I was lost in my fury was a single word, falling from the lips of my father.

"Berserker."

In the moments that followed there was no separation between my mind and that of my Eva, for that brief time we were a single consciousness, intent only on our enemy's destruction. The ribbons lashed out at me but I intercepted them, fingers sliding through them as I took hold, ripping them free as I pulled the angel in close. At the loss of it's arms the angel howled in pain, trying to summon a blast that would throw me off. This I could not allow.

I plunged my fingers into it's face, forcing them deep into it's eyes as I wrapped them round the bone like mask and pulled, hard. It's face ripped away, cords of sinew and muscle still clinging on. I pulled harder, severing them entirely; it fell silent, already dead. Not satisfied I began to tear at it's body with my hands, a terrible dark hunger welling up inside me as I bit into it's body, began to consume it's flesh. A wave of power hit me as I absorbed it's S2 organ, the unlimited power it held becoming mine to command.

I used it to tear open the bindings upon my back, releasing myself from the prison they sought to hold me in. No longer would I be bound by such foolish things, now after all this time I would finally be free…

As much as I searched I could find no exit to this place, no way out into the world. Cursing my tormentors I screamed even as a thousand cables swept around my body and arms. I fought against them, struggled against the bindings that were rapidly holding me fast. It was still too soon, I still had not enough control over my new found power, I could not tap into my full potential. Knowing I had lost for now I allowed myself to fall silent and be carried away, biding my time.

Darkness took me and I felt myself falling away from Unit-01, our minds no longer fully joined. To my surprise I did not find myself in the entry plug once more but rather in a place I did not recognise. In the distance I could see a man and a woman sitting in the shade a large tree, a baby held in the woman's arms. I stepped closer, seeking an explanation of how I had come to be in this place, stopping when I recognised these people for who they truly were.

Before me stood my parents, father and mother, my infant self held securely in her arms.

"How?"

The image wavered and my father and the infant disappeared; only my mother remained.

Welcome home my son.

"Mom?"

_Yes my son, I have waited for you for so long._

Not having word to express the joy I felt I ran forwards, into her arms.

"Mom!"

I flung my arms around her, even as she wrapped me in her embrace.

**There is nothing to worry about now. We are together now…and we will never be apart again.**

Something in those words, in the way they were spoken, chilled me to the bone. I not longer felt safe in her arms, instead I now felt trapped there, imprisoned. I pushed away, only to find the form of my mother was gone, replaced with one that still haunted my nightmares even now, the naked form of Unit-01.

Why? Why do you struggle? Do you not want to become one with me? To live in a place without pain or sorrow? A place without end?

Even as I felt it beginning to overcome me, to consume my mind I heard a voice, a voice I Knew calling out to me, calling to me from the other world, the world outside.

_Damn you! You monster! Give him back! Give him back to me!_

"…Asuka…"

I felt my strength returning as I began to force the creature away, another's hands on top of my own, helping forcing it back into the darkness.

**No! I will not return to that place! I will not!**

I watched as the darkness enveloped the naked Unit-01 forcing it to finally release it's grasp. For a moment I looked into it's eyes, looked into the almost human sadness before it was finally gone. Turning I found myself facing that same woman from before, the one I knew to be my mother, no longer an illusion this was er true form.

"Go to her Shinji, this is a place that you do not belong."

I felt as if a thousand hands were pulling at me, tearing me free of this world. Even as she began to fade I managed to make out her final words.

_I love you Shinji my son._

For what seemed the millionth time, a flash of light assaulted my eyes as I re-emerged back into the physical ream. I saw Asuka standing before me, the surprise barely registering on her face as I fell on top of her. I lay there for a moment, enjoying the feel of her body pressed up against my own, my own weight crushing me against her warmth. She was alive, and I was beside her once again, I vowed then I would never allow us to be apart moments before I lapsed once more into darkness.

When I woke it was in the hospital once more, Asuka sitting at my bedside. As soon as she saw that I was awake she flung her arms around me in a fierce embrace, once I returned with all my heart even as I caught her lips in a fierce kiss.

"I love you my Asuka."

She paused for a moment, hesitating until she saw the knowledge in my eyes and her fear began to fade.

"I love you too my idiot-Shinji."

We remained locked in our embrace until finally the doctors arrived and I was taken away to be examined. I was taken to a room where a large cylindrical machine was, a small slab extending out from it. I was informed that this machine was able to 'see' inside my body and would allow them to estimate what further damage had been incurred by my actions. I felt somewhat uncomfortable as the part I was resting upon moved slowly into the core of the large cylinder, not knowing what would happen next.

To my surprise I felt nothing more than a slight prickling of my skin, what surprised me more was the shout from the control booth.

"Doctor! Come quickly! You have to look at this!"

There were the faint sounds of movement from outside followed by hushed conversation. Something had obviously happened and with each passing moment I became more anxious. The slab moved once or twice, I assumed they were readjusting, before sliding out of the cylinder once more. When my head emerged I turned to the side to find Doctor Igaku standing there.

"Is there something wrong doctor?"

He shook his head, before indicating for me to follow him. I carefully pushed myself up off the bed, my bare feet contacting with the cold floor as I followed him out of the room and down the corridor. We stopped at a small office; one I assumed was his own. He ushered me inside and much to my surprise, I found that Asuka and Misato were already there.

"Please sit down Shinji."

I did as I was told, seating myself in the empty chair next to Asuka who immediately took hold of my arm. He paused to make a quick note on one of the papers on his desk before returning his gaze to us and beginning to speak.

"We have just conducted a full EMI scan of Mr Ikari's body…to our shock we have found no evidence of the rupture that we previous recorded prior to this incident. In fact, were it not for the fact I had seen it myself, based on this scan I would be hard pressed to believe there had been any such injury in the first place."

I paused for a moment, struggling to comprehend the significance of what I was just told. In the end it was Asuka who spoke first.

"So…does that mean he's going to be alright?"

"Yes…pilot Ikari is apparently fully recovered, we believe he will be able to return home immediately…"

Asuka hugged me fiercely even as Misato breathed a sigh of relief. There celebration was cut short however when he continued.

"…However, we suggest that pilot Ikari not do any strenuous tasks for a few days at least, he should get as much rest as possible. Shinji, that means no cooking or cleaning for at least a week."

"But…but…"

I could already envisage the mess these two must have made while I was gone; someone had kindly informed me that a month had passed while I was stuck inside Unit-01.

"Don't worry, he won't be doing anything but resting when I'm done with him."

Asuka's declaration unsettled me somewhat; it's double meaning leaving me slightly worried. If either of the adults had noticed this they made no sign as Misato spoke to the doctor a little more, discussing some other things. When at last they finished he stood and bowed, we did also stood and did the same before he led us back to the hospital room where my clothes had been left.

Wanting to get out of there as soon as possible I started to unfasten the jacket until I realised I was not alone.

"Um…Asuka, shouldn't you wait outside with Misato?"

She closed the distance between us, a predatory grin on her face.

"No chance Shinji. You're mine now and I don't plan on sharing you with anybody."

With that she leaned in close, pressing her lips against mine even as her hands continued to unbutton the front of the shirt, neither one of us noticing as it slipped off my shoulders and fell to the ground.

**AN:** _First of all, allow me to thank you all for continuing to review and support this story, despite the erratic nature of my updates. I apologise for the shortness of the previous chapter but a combo of things meant I either gave you a short one or none at all and I decided it was the lesser of two evils._

_The reasoning behind the early arrival of the angel? I wanted to stop them from having too long to consider what was happening and force the next few events o occur before Asuka could lament for too long and Shinji could really have time to sort out his feeling. Hopefully this chapter fulfils that want as it's revelations have once moiré changed the nature of the game._

_As to the spelling and grammar, well, my tying sucks and if Word doesn't catch any mistakes then I sure as hell won't, please take note of the message below, this one is NOT preread so expect there to be a few here and there, sorry._

_Putting that aside, hopefully this weekend/following week might see a few updates for various stories, depending if I can keep the writer's block at bay long enough._

_Till next time,_

_Hououza_

_02 is not preread._


	17. Isolation

**02:17 – Isolation**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

It would seem that despite my efforts to prevent it, she has finally confessed her feelings and he has chosen her over me. However, this by no means is the end of my plans, it simply means that adjustments will have to be made. Up until now I have been attempting to avoid Pilot Soryu's demise because I am unsure of the effects it will have on Ikari. As things are now I have no other choice, I will simply have to 'take my chances' regarding any permanent damage to his psyche.

I am sufficiently confident in my abilities, based on my reading, that I would be able to make him forget about her once she is out of the way. Turning to leave the cages before I was noticed, I stopped when I heard a voice calling to me, the strangest part being that rather than hearing it with my ears I was hearing it inside my head.

Daughter of Lilith, hear me.

"Who are you?"

I am your other self, the one bound in the form you know as Evangelion Unit-01.

"Why have you contacted me in this way?"

Because, there are things we need to discuss.

"Continue."

There is something, or rather someone who we both desire, someone whose heart belongs to another.

"Ikari."

Yes.

"Why?"

He is the key.

Sensing I would obtain no further explanation on this matter I switched topics.

"You say that we both desire him, yet we are separate. How is it possible that he might be shared?"

Within me there is a place, one where no one else may come, a place where you can be together forever, even as I will be with him through you.

"The price?"

That you are able to bring him within me once more along with yourself. Alone, I cannot stop the other one who dwells within from protecting him.

"I understand…but, how am I to get him away from her?"

Soon, the fifteenth messenger will arrive. When it comes I will lye dormant, forcing them to send another in my place. When that time comes allow them to send her, let her face judgment instead. The punishment for her failure will remove the problem.

"If it is allowed to act in this way…will this not affect the scenario?"

No. This one too will be destroyed; all shall fall before the gates because they lack the means to open them.

Once again I find myself feeling unsettled by it's answer, there is more to this than I am being told. However, I do not believe I care any longer. All that matters now is that he and I will be together, forever.

I returned to my apartment soon after, taking great pains to avoid encountering anyone on my departure from the cages. It would not do for anyone to report my strange behavior, the Commander must not suspect lest he replace me with one of the others in order to protect his scenario. The next few days were spent going through my normal routine, making every effort to avoid suspicion as I waited for the angel to arrive.

I showered briefly and retired to my bed, to my surprise sleep did not come immediately as I found my thoughts drifting back to it's words, in particular its repeated references to Ikari as 'The Key'. This inference is not consistent with what I know of the scenario; supposedly the sleeping Adam is the key to starting Third Impact. Not only that but it seems to be confident that the angels will fail, regardless of whether we are there to prevent them or not.

Once again I am forced to question truth of it's words, surely someone would have realized this by now and adjusted their plans accordingly? One way or another I plan to find out…I have unrestricted access to the Magi, it is time that I put my privileges to work, I will examine the records regarding the Dead Sea scrolls. Then we shall see if its words hold even the slightest grain of truth.

The following morning I started the day with my usual routine, getting up and taking a cold shower before returning to the main room to get dressed once again. As I pulled on my underwear my mind drifted back to that time when Ikari had arrived here, unannounced. I had just come out of the shower to find him standing by my bed, wearing the pair of glasses from the Commander I had kept long ago.

For the first time in my life I had felt angry, angry at the way he seemed to be mocking me, looking at me through those cracked lenses, tracing the curves of my body with his father's eyes. I closed on him, intent on removing them from his face only to tip him off balance and land on the floor. He had been on top of me then, his hand pressed firmly against my breast. I can still remember the shock that had coursed through me at the feel of his warm flesh against my own, for an instant I had hesitated, before at last composing myself enough to ask him to get off me.

After that I simply acted as if he were not there, dressing as normal, not caring that he had seen me naked. Had it been the second in my place no doubt she would have caused him physical harm for seeing her naked but at that time, to me, such things were unimportant. It is odd how quickly things change, that I would now give almost anything for that to happen again even while the Second had no doubt taken him to her bed, she would most likely injure him now if he were _not_ to look at her while naked.

Feeling a stabbing pain in my hand I look down, seeing that the glass I held has shattered in my grip, shards of it cutting into my hand. Anger is a new emotion to me, as is jealousy, I am still finding great difficulty in controlling it. Knowing this must be dealt with quickly I walked into the kitchen, placing my bleeding hand under the tap and allowing the water to clean away the blood and glass. The wounds were not deep, only a few small cuts, these I bandaged carefully before returning to the bedroom and finishing getting dressed.

Despite the fact that I am dressed in my uniform I have no intention of going to school, thankfully my regular absences will take care of any questions that might have otherwise been asked. The only important fact is that I must not allow myself to be seen by anyone who might report my actions to the Commander, as before, it will not do for him to learn of the changes in my behavior. I have noticed his behavior has been somewhat…different, in the past few weeks.

During the time Ikari was trapped inside Unit-01, he would travel top the cages on a regular basis, often late in the evening when the command staff had gone off shift. I watched him staring silently up at the unmoving Eva, his expression unreadable, even to me. When a single drop of water hit the walkway below his face I was confused until I realized what it was that was happening, he was shedding a tear for his son.

Shaking myself free of such thoughts I passed through the familiar entranceway into Nerv. What I needed now was a terminal with access to the Magi, one which could not be easily traced; somewhere no one would not disturb me. Three places came to mind at once, the first of course being the Commander's own office. From there I could do everything I required and there would be no record, however, the risk of encountering either the Commander himself or the sub commander is too great.

The second place that comes to mind is the office of Major Katsuragi. The problem is despite her usual absences of late she has been in her office much of the time, a lot of paperwork has accumulated and she has been spending her time working through it although I do not believe that is the real reason…she wanted a way to escape the situation with Ikari and that was the route she chose.

That only left one more option, the office of one Ryoji Kaji. As far as I am aware the terminal in his office in the only other one with a direct link to the magi system, the other are either located in communal or secured areas. His office should allow me the privacy I require for my task and given his notable absence of late, there is a reasonable chance that he will not be there at the moment.

I found Mr. Kaji office empty, exactly as I had hoped. I slipped inside, shutting the door and moving over to the desk, covered in paperwork. In some ways it initially reminded me of Major Katsuragi's but as I looked more closely I realized that this mess was not simply random but rather very well planned to give the impression of absolute chaos and inefficiency. Intrigued by this development I considered digging further but quickly dismissed that thought, my primary goal was far more important.

I took a seat in front of the terminal, depressing the power switch and watching as the screen flared into life. At first it went through the boot sequence I had been expecting but once it reached the main login screen something seemed to be a little odd…there were a number of program there that I did not recognize at first, upon clicking onto them I was presented with a screen that demanded an authentication of some kind.

Unfortunately, my knowledge of such things is limited and I was unable to break the encryption. However, I was able to ascertain that this program was accessing the secure areas of the MAGI, ones that that majority of the staff at Nerv were not supposed to be aware of. That Mr. Kaji knows they exist are cause for concern, I will keep this in mind for future although I do not think that telling the Commander would be wise lest he question how it was I came to be using that computer.

Pushing such thoughts aside I turned my attention back to the task at hand, tapping into the classified files held relating to the Dead Sea scrolls and their translation. As I skimmed down the words on the screen I spotted something odd, a single passage standing apart from the others in the rest of the prophecy. Intrigued I turned my attention to this lone passage, reading it intently.

Seventeen shall some and go, none able to defeat the chosen of the mother. They shall return to their rest, awaiting the emergence of the key, born from the flesh of the eighteenth, they shall at last open the gates of heaven and lead all things into the paradise beyond.

I do not fully understand these references; they seem to refer to Ikari in some way although the meaning of 'the eighteenth' eludes me. From all that I have been told and have seen there are only seventeen messengers. How can it be that there is an eighteenth and how can it be that the chosen shall be born from it's flesh? No closer to an answer, I shut the computer down and make my way to the door.

It opened as I reached for the handle and I found myself meeting the bemused expression of Mr. Kaji.

"Miss Ayanami? What are you doing here?"

"I was in need of a terminal, and yours had the access I required."

"But why didn't you use one of the main terminals? Surely it was nothing you couldn't have done elsewhere…"

"They were things that I did not wish for the Commander to learn of…in the same way that you would not wish for him to learn of your other activities."

"Uh…I…alright. So, you scratch my back and I scratch yours, huh? He taught you far too well."

"Then we have an understanding."

"Yes."

"Good."

I took my leave then, pondering many things as I went, most of all the continuing issue of how to return Ikari to me.

It was only a couple of days later after that incident that the next angel made it's presence known. As ever, we were called to Nerv immediately but for once we were ushered into a briefing room after we changed rather than the plugs. Already the Commander, Sub Commander, Dr. Akagi, the Major, and Mr. Kaji were present, looking at a large display screen currently showing an image of the Angel. Once we were seated the major walked up to the front and began the briefing.

"At present the angel is in a geostationary orbit above us, at a point approximately one hundred miles outside the atmosphere, outside the effective range of the majority of our weapons. At present it has taken no offensive action but we do not plan to take any chances, it must be dealt with before it attempts to launch an attack."

As the major continued on, describing the strategies to be used in the coming battle, my attention was elsewhere. Beside me, the second was sitting very close to Ikari, her hand wrapped around his. From the way they were acting it did not seem as if they had explored the things that I had studied in my research, the signs were not entirely evident, but none the less I could not be sure.

My attention was hauled away from them when we were dismissed abruptly and sent to the Eva cages. As it was Unit-01 was kept on lock down, after what had happened it seemed that the Commander was reluctant to use it at all. As it was it seemed unlikely that the scenario could be brought about, for now however it seemed that the Second would be taken care of without my help.

She had been chosen to take the first rifle and engage the Angel, this would mean she would be the one to feel it's wrath, rather than Ikari. Once she is dealt with, I can comfort Shinji in his grief and subject him to my will and then we can enact the final stage of our agreement…once again my attention flicked back to the task at hand, to the secondary positron rifle clutched in my Eva's hands.

As the operation commenced the air was soon filled with the cries of the Second as the Angel invaded her mind seeking what would never be found. I faintly heard the order to fire being given, complying, knowing it would do no harm as the Angel's AT field deflected my fire. It was then a new order came through, an instruction to obtain the lance. This was unexpected and might prove a problem, were the Angel to be beaten too soon, the Second would survive…

Once I reached the surface, lance in hand, I hesitated, uncertain if it was too soon. When the order came I ignored it, lost in my thoughts. It was not until I heard a scream over the comm. did I finally react.

"SHINJI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! GET BACK HERE!"

The Major was screaming at the top of her lungs even as I heard others talking in the background, charting his progress. It seemed that he had exited the plug of Unit-01 and was making his way to her side. Already, he was at the surface, running towards the tortured Unit-02. There was no time left, I threw the lance with all my might, I could not allow the chance of his being hurt or killed.

The lance's flight was true, tearing apart the 15th angel and ending the torment of the Second Child. I could already hear the messages from the rescue teams, she was out of the Eva now. Despite the warnings Shinji had taken her from her Eva and cradled her in his arms. It would seem this plan has failed…but it is not the end by far. We will try again and next time I will not fail.

_AN: And so chapter 17 arrives with a bang. Seven more after this, at least according to my current plans, then No and the other will continue finally. However, given the current work situation don't expect them to come all at once, updates will be irregular as usual._

_As an aside apologies for the last chapter, it should have been MRI or CT but for some reason I couldn't remember what it was really called. Hopefully this still works, as it's into the future we can assume that it was a revised form of those techniques._

_Till next time,_

_Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	18. Mind Rape

**02:18 – Mind Rape**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

We continued kissing, Shinji becoming bolder, slowly taking control away from me, making me bend to his will. He advanced slowly, forcing me to back up towards the bed; I felt the cool metal press up against the bare skin of my thighs for a moment before I was toppling backwards onto the warm sheets. The contact between our lips was broken for only a moment as he came forward, capturing my lips once again, exploring my mouth with his tongue. His hands moved down to my shirt, slowly unfastening the buttons one by one, fingertips tracing across my chest as it was slowly revealed.

As the last button came undone his hands moved upwards again, for a moment he bit my lower lip and pulling back slightly, making me arch to follow him, his hands quickly slipping under me to unhook my bra. He pulled it away, throwing it to the side before his lips left mine once again as he lavished his attentions elsewhere. So lost was I that I barely noticed his hands tracing their way down my sides, finger trailing along my ribs, the sides of my belly before sliding beneath the hem of my skirt and pulling it down.

Soon I was naked, save for my underwear while he was completely bereft of clothing. I could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing against me, demanding the satisfaction he so badly desired. Already his hands were in motion once again, moving to rob me of my underwear so that I lay naked beneath him. Once more his lips moved to cover my own even as he moved against me, claiming me in a single motion. Pain blossomed for a moment; soon overcome by the other things I was feeling, his hands moving in ways I never imagined he knew.

We moved together gently at first, slowly picking up pace until we lost all sense of tempo, bodies crashing together in a cacophony of want and need. Closer and closer we came to completion, a feeling welling up inside me that I could not name, threatening to consume me utterly. At last we reached that one single moment of completion and began to fall, my eyes fell open, expecting to look up into those familiar blue orbs…yet, what greeted me were not his eyes, instead orbs the colour of freshly spilled blood looked back at me, framed by hair the colour of a summer's sky.

I tried to scream but found I had no voice, my words stolen away by the hands grasping at my throat. I tried to free myself from him, to pull away, yet my efforts were in vain, he continued to over power me, slowly taking my breath away. With a tremendous force of will I reached up to him, caressing his check with my hand, silently asking him to forgive me. For a moment the madness faded and his was himself once again, unshed tears glistening at the corners of his eyes. He tried to reach out to me but was sharply hauled away, only to come to a halt a few feet away from me, hanging in mid air.

I could see them now, the wires that curled about his body, I watched as the tension in them changed and he was forced to dance, a puppet on a string. Soon it seemed that the puppeteer grew tired of him for his strings went slack, leaving him hanging there once again. Now, I felt my own body moving against my will, once again seeing those same filament-like wires as they pulled at my body. As he had before me I was made to dance wildly, moving at the will of the puppet master above. Soon it seemed they tired of my dancing as well as I too was left dangling, floating in the air along side my beloved Shinji.

At last it was that the puppeteer detached themselves from the shadows, face moving down into the light. At once my vision was filled by a familiar purple visage, strange alien eyes boring into me even as I felt the cruel grin on it's face. It turned slowly, wanting me to follow its gaze as it turned to regard Shinji, his head hung low, his eyes still closed. In a voice like a thousand souls screaming it spoke to me, one single word.

Mine.

I woke up sweating heavily, the nightmare still fresh in my mind. I turned my head to the side to find Shinji sleeping peacefully beside me; thankful that he had remained undisturbed by my dreams. In reality, Misato had returned before we had gotten any further than kissing, immediately hauling me from the room while Shinji got changed. In those few moments she had lectured me briefly, warning me not to be so irresponsible, the last thing that was needed now was a pregnancy. In truth I had not thought about such things, the pent up desires overcoming me, depriving me of the insight of rational thought.

He made me swear, swear that we would go no further than we already had done, that we would wait until the angels were gone. It took everything I had to agree to that promise, fighting down the need that once against threatened to overcome me. We travelled back to the apartment in silence, Shinji having been informed of her decision as soon as he emerged from the room. We had sat in the back of the car together, holding hands all the way. Misato had dropped us off outside, telling us she still had work to do, trusting us to keep our promises while she was away. We ate a meal together before retiring to his bedroom, even if we did nothing, I had wanted to at least sleep together in this way.

As I lay there, cradled in his warmth, listening to the regular pattern of his heart beating against my ear, for the first time since he was first brought into the hospital, the memories of his injuries began to fade. Somehow, the time within the Eva had healed him and he had returned to me, whole once again. I renewed my vow silently, swearing that I would never let him go again, never would I allow my own pride to rob me of something I held dear, I would not let my foolishness rob me of our happy end. Unwilling to return to sleep now I simply lay there, listening to the gentle rhythm of his heart once again.

"Asuka?"

I was startled by his voice, till that moment I had truly believed he was still asleep. I couldn't help but wonder how long it was he had been awake and if it had been my nightmares that had called him from his own sleep.

"Yes Shinji?"

"Did you have a nightmare?"

I paused for a moment before nodding in reply. At first he said nothing, in which time I realised he probably did not understand the gesture, nodding was considered a gesture of affirmation here in Japan, a signal for one to continue speaking, not a reply. It seemed that he soon realised what I had meant as he continued, asking me the one question I wished he had not.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head violently, both signalling no and trying in vain to cast the haunting images from my mind. He seemed to understand this time as he said nothing further, simply pulled me tightly against him, encircled in his arms. I tried to settle down and sleep but it eluded me at every turn. Part of me was still afraid, despite his presence; I didn't want to go back to that place, the place where the nightmare awaited. I don't know how long I spent that way until at last my body gave way, casting me into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

When I woke next it was already morning, the small red number of his alarm clock tell me it was already nine AM. When I lifted my head away from his chest and looked at him it was to find Shinji staring right back at me, already awake. He did not look like he had just woken up either, who knows how long he had stayed this way, simply looking at me, waiting patiently for me to awake so that I would not be alone. Part of me was a little upset that he had not thought to make some breakfast yet was reminded by another part that to do so he would have had to leave my side.

"Baka."

In truth that was directed more at myself than at him yet he smiled anyway, slowly disentangling himself from me and disappearing from the room. Soon the smells of his cooking pervaded from the kitchen and I got up, in search of both his cooking and company, it was still too soon, I could not yet bear for him to be so far away.

I found him standing over the stove once again, pausing for a moment as memories of the last time I had seen him this way flooded my mind. It had been more than a month since he had last stood in this kitchen, working at the counter, preparing another one of his delicious meals for Misato and myself. In the time he was away, at first I had spent most of my time at Hikari's, eating my meals there. When this happened and he had been trapped in Unit-01, we had lived on take out food; Misato had been in no mood to attempt cooking and neither had I.

Not wanting to disturb him, I went and sat at the table, in front of one of the plates he had set out. There were only two I noticed, obviously Misato had not returned home last night…whether it was because she was with Kaji or stuck at Nerv I could not tell. My attention was drawn back to the present when he laid a plate before me and sat down. Turning my attention towards it I was surprised by what he had made.

"Pancakes?"

He smiled at me from across the table, while handing me a very familiar bottle filled with a golden liquid.

"I thought that they might be appropriate."

Not knowing how to express what it was I was feeling in words, I stood up and walked round the table so I was beside him. He looked up at me, a questioning expression on his face. I leant down and kissed him hard on the lips, telling him just how much this meant to me and how truly happy I was to have him back. To my surprise, when I began to pull away, his hands shot up and caught me in his grasp, keeping my lips against his, stopping me from ending the kiss. He met my passion with passion of his own yet; his hands never left my face. If they did, then this might go further than a kiss, more than either one of us wanted.

When we finally broke contact, neither one of us spoke, simply returning to our breakfasts as if nothing had happened, matching smiles on our faces. Once breakfast was finished I offered to wash up while he got dressed for school. He did so with silent thanks, but not before capturing my lips in another heated kiss. This all started with a kiss, perhaps this time a kiss will signal the end of the troubles that have plagued us…

For the next couple of days, life was perfect. We spent our days at school, what little of it remained. Our evenings curled up in front of the TV together, our nights sleeping together in bed. For the first time since my mother died, since I had become the pilot of Unit-02, I was finally free of the nightmares of my childhood, I was finally content. Then the angel alarm sounded and my perfect world all came crashing down…

As always, we were called to Nerv immediately, but for once, we were ushered into a briefing room after we changed rather than the entry plugs. Already the Commander, Sub Commander, Dr. Akagi, the Major, and Mr. Kaji were present, looking at a large display screen currently showing an image of the Angel. Once we were seated Misato walked up to the front and began the briefing.

"At present the Angel is in a geostationary orbit above us, at a point approximately one hundred miles outside the atmosphere, outside the effective range of the majority of our weapons. At present it has taken no offensive action but we do not plan to take any chances, it must be dealt with before it attempts to launch an attack."

As she continued on, describing the strategies to be used in the coming battle, my attention was elsewhere. Shinji had grown increasingly tense as the briefing went on, every time Unit-01 was mentioned his fist would spasm open and closed. I took his hand in my own; trying to reassure him, to help force back the memories I know still haunted him, the memories that he still calls out to in his sleep. I felt eyes on me and turned to see the First looking at me, a calculating look in her eyes. I turned away, unwilling to look at her any longer, I know what it is she wants and she can't have it, he and I are together now.

We were dismissed abruptly a few moments later, sent directly to the Eva cages. Even though Unit-01 was still to be kept on lockdown, Shinji was expected to be inside, just in case something went wrong…I could feel him almost freeze up as he let go of my hand to step inside the plug. I have no way of knowing the true extent of what happened to him during that time, all I know is that he never speaks about it. I left to embark on my own Evangelion, waiting for the mission to begin. I was rocked to the surface before taking up the positron rifle and engaging the special targeting interface.

I gripped the rifle firmly in my Eva's hands, waiting for the two cursors to line up, to signal the time to fire. When at last they came together with a soft ping I pulled the trigger and a great beat of light arced from the barrel of the rifle, surging out into space. It seemed to speed up as it left the atmosphere, accelerating to where the angel floated, waiting silently for its destruction. At last the crucial moment came, the beam was about to strike the angel when a faint orange field appeared, it had blocked the beam with it's AT field. Gutted by my failure I had only a moment to consider the consequences of what had happened before a bright light rained down from the heavens and I was engulfed in darkness.

When I woke it was in what appeared to be Misato's apartment, the little things told me it wasn't real, the missing sign from Shinji's door, the lack of beer in the partly open refrigerator. Wherever this was, it was not the place I knew, but rather a copy, a facsimile created by some unknown force.

"You are not the chosen one."

I turned at the sound of the voice, turning to meet the gaze of a woman with crimson eyes and long silver hair that reached down to her back. She wore nothing more than a dress made of a sheer silver material, while not quite transparent it was enough to give no illusions as to her assets, her figure seemed to be based roughly on Misato's.

"Who are you?"

"I am the one come to test the will of the chosen one, to examine the strength of his mind. You are not the chosen one…but as you are here you will take the test in his place."

I was about to speak out, to ask one of the many questions swirling through my head, but she vanished from the room and once more my surroundings faded into darkness. Voices began to emerge from the darkness, ones I had believed I had buried long ago. I was assaulted by memories of my mother, of the days leading up to her death. They tormented me still, but not as they once had done, I could feel the bond I had with Shinji holding me back, keeping me from falling into the yawning maw of insanity that hovered ever beneath me.

As if sensing my resolve, the images shifted and once more I found myself in my nightmare, watching as the possessed Shinji hung over me, raping me one moment and then hanging before me like a broken puppet the next. Even as this assault continued I felt my grip on reality slipping, my resolve weakening. I wouldn't be able to hold out for much longer, summoning all the breath I had within me I cried out, cried out his name over and over again.

"SHINJI!"

For a moment nothing changed, the images continued to assault me as I slipped ever closer to madness. Then, all of a sudden a sound from outside broke through the darkness.

"SHINJI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! GET BACK HERE!"

Hearing Misato's voice reassured me, I knew then that he was coming for me, that he would take me away from this place and we would be together again. After what could have been an instant, or an eternity, the darkness faded and I was hurled back into the light, only to find myself in his arms. Weeping openly I hugged him to me, taking comfort in the warmth of his chest. I saw, heard, felt nothing but his presence until at last we returned to the apartment, to his bed. I looked up at him with pleading eyes, silently asking him for what I wanted, what I needed now.

Without a word he leant down and kissed me hard on the lips as his hands moved down my body. In the moments that followed we were closer than ever before, our souls and bodies united as one…

AN: Only another six to go…hopefully. Sorry for the delay but as ever work seems to be content destroying my life. Expect various updates once this is done but as always they will be erratic and without any real schedule.

_Thanks,_

_  
Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	19. Comfort

**02:19 – Comfort**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

In those few fleeting moments, as I had sat isolated in the entry plug of Eva Unit-01, unable to do anything more than watch as Asuka went out to face the angel. I had a bad feeling from the beginning, something in the back of my mind told me that it should have been me out there facing the angel not her…I held my breath as she took the shot, watching as it arced up into space before dissipating as it struck the Angel's AT field. I heard somebody say something about the range but it barely registered, my attention was solely focused on the feed coming from Unit-02.

The screen had lit up suddenly and Asuka had began to scream, her hand flying to her head, fingers clawing at her temples, as if trying to tear out something trapped inside. At once I tried to eject the plug to go and help her but to my horror I found it would not comply. Linking my mind with the Eva, I tried to force it to let me free only to meet resistance in the form of the presence I had encountered during my time trapped inside the Eva's core. It blocked me at every turn, preventing me from reaching the places I needed to go, to the part that controlled the entry plug interface.

"SHINJI!"

The sound of her calling my name woke me from my struggle, reminding me of my purpose. With renewed determination I forced the presence backward, driving it from my path as I stepped forward into the light, claiming my prize…the neck armour lifted and the entry plug shot out, discharging its contents rapidly before unlocking the hatch for me to get out. Without a moment's hesitation I was out of the plug, racing for the elevator, any route to the surface world. I heard Misato calling out to me, questioning my behaviour but I ignored her, all that matter to me now was Asuka.

"SHINJI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! GET BACK HERE!"

The technicians standing at the elevator doors were too stunned to stop me; I flew past them before slamming my fist against the button, not noticing the small trickles of blood. Trapped inside the small metal room, each moment seeming like an eternity as I waited to reach the surface, to be there for her, to rescue her from her pain. As the doors opened I began to run, moving faster than I ever had before, going flat out towards where the red Evangelion stood waiting. The rifle now lay slack in its arms, the barrel pointing at the ground.

The light was gone now, the Eva silent. Wasting no time, I ran to the foot of the red behemoth, and accessed the panel to trigger the emergency release. High above me the armour snapped open and the plug was ejected, crashing to earth only a few hundred yards from where I stood. I closed the distance in an instant, not caring when the heated metal burned my hands, caring for nothing other than her safety. For a moment I remembered an image of the one time I had done this before, after Rei and I had fought the fifth Angel. Back then she had been the most important person to me; it's funny how things change…

At last the hatch was open and I was climbing inside, scanning the interior for signs of life. I found her there, still seated in the pilot's chair, eyes tightly closed. For a heart stopping moment I was afraid she had died, right up until I noticed the gentle rise and fall of her chest. I leant forwards, securing her in my arms before pulling her from the plug. By now, all around me, support personnel had arrived and where trying to take charge. One of them asked me to put her down but I refused, now that I knew she was safe, I would never let her go again.

My attention came back to her when her eyes snapped open, narrowing for a moment as she focused on my face…the next moment her arms were around me and she was holding me tightly, wanting oh so desperately to return her embrace I lowered her feet to the ground before sliding my arms securely around her waist. We stayed like that, taking comfort in each other's presence until a doctor arrived and insisted on checking her out. I adamantly refused to leave her side during the procedure and with some slight complaint he complied, examining her even as I retained a firm hold on her hand.

When at last he declared her free of contamination we were allowed to go, we only briefly returned to the compound, darting into the locker rooms to shower and change before going home. When we walked in the door we halted for only a moment to cast off our shoes before adjourning to my bedroom, once there she lay down on the bed. She looked up at me, saying nothing, her request made silently in her eyes. I leant down and kissed her, signalling my ascension before we allow the pent up passion to engulf us as we made love over and over again.

We I woke the next morning it was to a tangle of scents, the floral smell of her shampoo blended with the aftermath of our lovemaking. Looking onto the sleeping face of the girl beside me I final felt free, free of all the doubts that had plagued me for so long, finally free of the shackles of my past that have for too many years held me in that same dark place…she stirred slightly before waking, meeting my gaze with her own clear blue eyes. A smile spread across her lips as she moved across to kiss me, whispering words against my mouth.

"I love you my Shinji."

"And I you my Asuka."

We remained that way, bodies entangled in a lover's embrace until at last Misato standing at the door to my bedroom, demanding our presence in the living room, disturbed us. Knowing full well the lecture that awaited us we took our time, dressing slowly before exiting the room hand in hand and taking our seats across from Misato on the couch. She simply stared at us for a moment, her gaze flicking between the two of us and then down to our joined hands. I could see the conflict raging in her eyes, she knew as well as anyone the events of yesterday, yet she was still our guardian and that there were some things that must be done.

"The two of you…I am sure you are both aware of what you have done so I won't bother two waste time talking about it. I'm going straight to a chemist to get the 'morning after pill' for Asuka as well as some other things. You two behave while I'm gone, no sex in the meantime, understand?"

We both nodded, both more than a little surprised by her words. In truth, I had expected a long tirade about how stupid we had been but as ever Misato had shattered my expectations and left me lost for words. Asuka squeezed my hand, drawing my attention back to her, even as I turned to face her she covered my lips with her own and for a moment I was lost in another passionate kiss. We she pulled away I was still half in a daze, her words only just registering in my mind.

"Shinji…would you…when this is over…a child…"

As the words sank in I felt memories from a long, long time ago filter into my consciousness. Fragments of the few times I could remember being happy with my parents. In knew almost nothing of how to be a parent, even less of how to be a father since I had so little contact with my own. Deep in my heart I was afraid, afraid that the terrible sadness that had consumed my father, that had turned him into the empty shell that was Commander of Nerv, would one day be passed onto me and I would become that which I most hated and feared.

Asuka reached out and clasped my hand in hers, her warmth mixing with my own, reassuring me. I looked into her eyes, seeing my own hopes and fears reflected in those familiar blue orbs. I knew then that it didn't matter; so long as we were together we would get past it all. I kissed her again, blocking out all the fear, all the uncertainty in that perfect moment as our lips touched. We went no further, and when Misato returned we were still kissing, breaking contact when she coughed to signal that she had returned.

"Ok, Asuka you come with me. Shinji, you wait here."

Asuka did as she was told, following Misato into the bathroom. I simply remained on the couch, my thoughts to troubled to warrant turning on the TV. From here on in things would get more difficult, if more Angels come, I don't know that I can cope with her going out there again, the problem is; will she allow me to go in her place…I've almost died twice now, to me I don't think I would mind a third if it kept her away from the front lines yet, at the same time, I know what happened to me hurt her badly. We've gotten a lot closer since then, what would happen to her now if I managed to get myself killed…no, that's not something I want to think about because I know the answer all too well. She will follow me; follow me into the depths of hell.

When the two of them returned from the bathroom Misato's face was stern, she informed me that Asuka was not pregnant and that I was lucky this time. She also told me that if I was that stupid she would personally hand me over to the Commander to face his wrath. I was well aware of how my father would react to the loss of a pilot, sufficed to say he would be less than pleased. I swore to her on my mother's grave that Asuka and I would be careful, that nothing would happen until this was all over. Both women looked at me for a moment, appreciating the depth of my oath. Even if according to my father, it held no body, the grave was all I had left of my mother and to have made a promise on it meant it was one I would not fail to keep.

Misato nodded solemnly, accepting my words. The atmosphere calmed somewhat now that that declaration was made; falling into my normal routine I adjourned to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for us all. To my surprise, Asuka followed me, when I fixed her with a questioning gaze she simply replied.

"I want to help."

Feeling both surprised and pleased I made my way over to the refrigerator, looking to see what was available after I had been away for so long. To my surprise the fridge was reasonably full, and not of instant meals as I had expected. There were sufficient ingredients to make the dish I had been planning. With a small smile, I began retrieving them from the fridge and setting them on the table. In the mean time Asuka pulled an apron that had been hanging by the entryway, then pulled up her hair before tying it with a red ribbon. It was then I noticed something important, for the first time in so long I noticed that the neural interface clips were no longer in her hair. She noticed this and self-consciously lifted a hand to her head, running her fingers gently through her long red hair.

"I took them out, that was the last time I plan on ever getting inside and Eva, from here on out you're on your own."

Despite the teasing tone in her voice there was seriousness beneath, I could tell that last encounter had affected her more than she was letting on, I could see the distant look in her eyes and the way her body shivered slightly. I vowed there and then that I would make sure she never had to experience such a nightmare again, I would finish the Angels that remained with my bare hands if required if only to keep her from reliving that pain. Forcing those thoughts down, I turned my attention to my task, slowly preparing the ingredients and directing Asuka to her tasks. I was shocked once again when she offered no argument, simply doing as I told her without complaint. This was certainly a development I could learn to enjoy, even if it only lasted during times spent in the kitchen.

We ate in silence, Asuka obviously distracted, wanting to tell Misato of her decision not to pilot any longer. I know it would be a major blow but after what happened I can understand why. At least from now on I won't have to worry if she isn't going to come back one of these times, even if I am going to have to fight for the both of us to defeat however many Angels remain…

"Misato?"

She looked up at Asuka, placing down the half empty can of Yebitsu.

"What is it Asuka?"

"I want to quit being a pilot."

"Oh, ok."

Misato started to chug her beer once again until Asuka's words finally filtered through her mind…a moment later I was being showered in beer.

"You what!"

"I don't want to be the Second Child any longer, I don't want to get in that thing ever again."

"What the hell are you talking about Asuka? As long as I've known you all you've ever talked about is being the number one pilot! Why do you want to stop now…it's because of Shinji isn't it?"

"What? No! If it were because of him then I would have quit after he came back from being trapped inside Unit-01. No, this is because of what happened during the last battle, after what I experienced I'm afraid to synch with my Eva again, I'm afraid that the nightmares will find me and that this time Shinji won't be there to save me when I get out."

Misato remained silent, her expression troubled. No doubt Asuka's words had bothered her yet at the same time I could tell she was considering something else, most likely what would happen if we were down a pilot.

"I can't promise anything Asuka but I'll talk with the Commander, ok?"

"Thank you Misato."

The two of them hugged briefly before Misato returned to her room to dress while Asuka informed me she was going to take a shower. Sighing, I looked down at Penpen.

"Looks like it's just you and me…I'll wash and you dry?"

My response was a 'wark' followed by the warm water penguin retreating to his refrigerator.

"Gee, thanks."

Throwing up my hands in defeat I gathered the dishes and placed them in the sink before filling it with warm water and starting the washing up.

With the school gone and practically all the other students either leaving or having left, we had pretty much nothing to do with ourselves. So, rather than sit around the apartment bored, Asuka and I went out for a walk around the city, or rather what remained after a good proportion was heavily damaged by Asuka's positron rifle blasts. To our good fortune, most of the shopping district remained intact, and, in a show of generosity and good will, I offered to take her shopping. This was met with a squeak of delight before the enthusiastic German girl grabbed my hand and quite literally pulled me through about a half dozen clothing stores.

Half an hour later, my hands were full of bags of clothing, some of which, surprisingly enough, was for me; Asuka had insisted that I wear something else sometimes other than my school uniform. I was eager to take a break, perhaps get some lunch as it was approaching midday. Asuka caved after I begged a little, allowing me to take her to one of the many restaurants that remained and treat her to a magnificent, if expensive, lunch together. It was as we were departing the restaurant that our phones went off, not hearing the sirens I wondered if it was really an Angel attack. Seeing as my hands were full Asuka answered hers instead.

"Hello? Oh, Misato. Yes, Shinji's with me. Nerv, right away? Ok, we'll head there now."

She put away her phone before turning back to me.

"You heard?"

I nodded.

"Good, then let's head over there now, Misato told me that she had some news about my request to resign from being a pilot."

This peaked my interest and so I followed her as quickly as I could, considering the fact I had bags in either hand, as she made a bee line for the closest entrance to Nerv. Once inside we travelled down various escalators until at last we reached the command centre where Misato had instructed us to meet. She was standing in her usual place, a boy with strange silver hair standing behind her, looking out at the cages. As we approached, he turned to face us and his red eyes, just like Rei's, surprised me. Misato paused for a moment to get our attention before making introductions.

"Shinji, Asuka, meet Kaworu Nagisa, the fifth child."

AN: Only another five or so to go now, sorry about the delay but life has been more difficult than usual and there has been my old favourite, the ever present writer's block, hence the Negima fiction. As for chapter 20…I don't know when, please be patient.

_Thanks,_

_  
Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	20. Fifth Child

**02:20 – Fifth Child**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

This place is unlike any other I have visited before, the place where I was 'born'. It was filled with souls whose light has faded, whose souls were filled with darkness. This was the will of those who ruled over that place, the ones who believed themselves worthy of the mantle of god. Such dark souls they had, their minds closed like metal balls, hearing nothing but their own thoughts echoing back at them and believing them to be the words of god. Soon they will learn the true error of their ways as the day of judgement is soon to arrive and with its coming so shall come their punishment be visited upon them.

The people here, their souls are still alive with the light of hope, they have not yet given up on this world or its future. Among them there is only one, one man whose soul is stained with darkness, so much that only the smallest point of light remains. The single point is tethered to another, the beast the lilum call Evangelion Unit-01. Within the metal shell the one whose soul to which he is bound sleeps within, trapped by the flesh of the mother and bound by her will. There is a second tether, though it is so faint that almost could not see it, one that leads from that man to the boy who now stands before me.

Of the people here, these two are perhaps the ones who shine the brightest, the light of hope is strong within them. Already I can see the light that binds them, a growing bond that in time will allow their light to merge into a single glorious radiance. Looking more closely at the boy I see something that I did not expected, the shadow of something else upon him. The will of the mother flits about him, signalling to me that he is the chosen, the one who will become her champion when the day comes. In his hands will be placed the keys to the gates of heaven and it is my duty as one of the messengers to ensure that he is worthy of that honour.

"As the major said, I am Kaworu Nagisa. I am pleased to meet you both."

I bowed slightly to the pair, watching their reactions carefully as the boy returned my actions even as the girl followed suite a moment later when he nudged her gently. For a moment I saw irritation in her eyes, obviously she was displeased with this action. For his part however he seemed untroubled by her hostility, I noted that his hand tightened ever so slightly around hers and for an instant the bond between them sparked and glowed before returning to it previous dormant state. She affects him; in ways that I was not expecting…it will effect my judgement of him now that there is the influence of another upon him.

"I'm Shinji Ikari and this is Asuka Langley Sohryu."

He introduced both himself and the girl, his name confirming my suspicion that he and the man were related; it would be most likely that he would be the boy's father…

"I believe you are the Third and Second Children respectively, is this correct?"

A strange emotion flickered across their faces for a moment before vanishing.

"That's correct…although Asuka is no longer one of the Children, she has decided to resign her position as the Second Child."

This was not something I would have expected, those bound to Eva are interwoven with it's fate, that this girl should chose of her own will to abandon it was something I would not have believed possible had I not witnessed it myself. Perhaps, this is his power, the ability to change the fates of those around him…

"That is…unfortunate. I assume that I will be taking her place as the pilot of Unit-02 then Major?"

The lavender haired woman paused for a moment, her eyes seemed distant and it seemed her thoughts were elsewhere. After a moment she seemed to realise that I had been speaking to her and her eyes came back into focus as she looked at me.

"Sorry, I was miles away. What were you saying?"

"I was asking if following pilot Sohryu's decision to resign her status as one of the children that I will be assigned to Eva Unit-02 in her place."

"I would think so although I will have to confirm that with the Commander first."

I glanced over at the man seated above us, fully aware that he was able to hear everything that was being said yet refusing to comment, to show that a trace of his humanity remains. Although I know little of his background, during my time being held by those others I have learned much about them, enough to understand that they would turn all that one cares for against them in order to force them to bend to their will. That is why all those I encountered were broken, they lost everything that mattered to them and thus had no reason left not to obey. This man, there is still a trace of his humanity there but perhaps he conceals it to keep them from knowing, that there is still something important to him in this world.

"Nagisa?"

I found my thoughts interrupted by the voice of the chosen one, his words hesitant I smiled in a way I believed to be reassuring before answering softly.

"Yes pilot Ikari?"

"I was wondering…would you like us to show you round the base? I know you're new here and it can be quite confusing at first."

Pausing to consider his offer, watching the girl beside him carefully as I did so, looking for any sign of disapproval. I have no desire to intrude on their bond; such a thing is sacred and should not be tampered with, even by the messengers of God. Humans were given free will for a reason, which is why one of their own must make the decision of the future for them. After a moment longer, finding no disquiet in her I decided and voiced my agreement.

"Thank you pilot Ikari, I would be happy to accept your generous offer."

"It is no trouble Nagisa."

"Kaworu."

"What?"

"Please, I would feel more comfortable if you were to call me Kaworu."

He paused for a moment, obviously found my request somewhat awkward before he relented.

"Very well Kaworu, but then you should call me Shinji."

I nodded in agreement before turning to his companion.

"Pilot Sohryu, might I be allowed the honour of also addressing you by your first name?"

She seemed startled at first, the anger that had begun to form quickly forgotten.

"I…yes, that would be fine."

She smiled at me for a moment before taking Shinji by the arm and leading him from the room, signalling for me to following along behind. I followed the two from that place, smiling as I watched the ever growing light of their bond.

We spent many hours simply wondering the halls of Nerv, the two showing me the many facilities that the lillum use to satisfy the needs of their bodies. Of all of these rooms one interested me the most, within it contained a series of what I believed to be instruments, lillum tools that are used in the creation of music. Of all the lillum creations music is the one that fascinates me the most, something in the melodies of it calls to me in a way I do not understand. It is in those few moments that I realise how fortunate the lillum are, gifted with the power to create such things while my kind are bound only to a single purpose. Even as the Angel of Free Will I cannot escape my duty, all I can do is find a temporary reprieve from my fate.

We stopped briefly in the cafeteria, the strange sensation flowing through me, informing me that it required the consumption of food. When I first learned of this human ritual I found the idea strange, Angels receive energy from our S2 organs; we have no need for external sources of energy. However, it would seem that in assuming the form of a lillum I gained some of their traits, including the need for sustenance. Knowing nothing of such things I went to the food preparation area in the facility where I was kept and observed the lillum as they ate. Deciding on a number of items that seemed suitable I requested them from the person who seemed to be responsible for such things before taking my food and seating myself at a table to eat.

I found quickly that I disliked the taste of animal flesh, how the lillum can ingest such things is beyond my understanding, yet I also found that flesh of certain plants was quite palatable. When Ikari noticed this he commented that I was 'like Rei', on asking who this 'Rei' was he indicated she was the First Child, the only pilot I am yet to meet. He also commented that she too is possessed of what the lillum describe as an 'unusual' hair colour and red eyes like mine. This revelation caused me to consider whether she might be another of my kind, although why the creator would choose to send two of his messengers in this form was beyond me. I found myself filled with an unfamiliar desire, a need to meet this person, to see if she really was like me.

When at last they led me to the place I had been assigned within the endless halls of this place, I found that urge welling up inside me once again, causing me to depart my lodgings and go in search of this mysterious girl for whom I have nothing but a vague description and a name…the first people I encountered, I believe they were technicians of some kind, their uniforms similar in design to those worn by people at the last facility I had been kept, indicated that Miss Ayanami, that being her surname it would seem, was not on the base as best they knew and would most likely be found at her apartment, located in one of the older parts of the city. Prior to my arrival at Nerv I spent a time wondering the city, becoming familiar with its layout, a brief description of the area was enough for me to find it.

As I approached the building in which the two technicians had indicated the First Child resided, I at once felt something amiss. Only a single soul resided in this place yet that soul itself was not a soul at all, but rather a fabrication, a soul made of a forbidden blend of the souls of two others, bound by things that I could not fully comprehend. How the lillum could have created such a being, how the creator could allow this blasphemy to have taken place…needing to know more, to understand, I moved closer, walking up to the first floor where the feeling was strongest, stopping outside a worn looking door. Among the lillum it is customary to knock before entering, however it this case I have no desire to make it aware of my presence.

Finding the door unsecured I slipped into the room, taking note of the somewhat unpleasant surroundings, the general state of the room. Were I human I have no doubt that I would be disgusted by the condition of it but, as I am I simply take note of the fact it contains the minimum required for one to survive. Even as I too note of the individual details the ever-present sound of flowing water ceased before a figure emerged from the room to my side. Turning to regard her I found her body naked save for the towel draped upon her shoulders. Once again, had I been human I would have probably reacted to her nudity but as I am I have no interest and see no shame in the naked human form.

"Who are you?"

Even as she spoke I could feel it, the wrongness of her voice, the twisted remnants of two souls calling out in warped harmony. I found myself unable to speak, deafened by the discord her words created in my mind. She stepped closer even as the noise became ever louder, even more present in my mind.

"Who are you?"

I forced down the turmoil in my mind, using my own light to force back the corrupted tendrils that reached out to encircle me. At last I found my voice, even then I found the words were difficult to form even as I felt my stomach attempting to rebel, something I believe the lillum call 'wanting to be sick'.

"You…you…should…not…be."

She frowned at me, eyes narrowing as she regarded me.

"Yet I am. Rather, it is you who has no kneed to exist, your time is almost over."

"So…is…your…own."

Her expression changed and for a moment it was as I was looking into the face of another, something far older and more powerful, something I would believe the lillum would call the 'stuff of nightmares'.

_Leave. Now._

Unable to bear that voice I fled from the apartment, not stopping until I could not longer feel the corrupt aura, until I was already within the halls of Nerv. This changes everything…I could feel her intent as clearly as I felt the wrongness of her very being, she plans to interfere with the test, to take him for herself. I cannot allow that, to try to sever the bond of souls is the greatest of crimes, one for which she must be punished. When the time comes I hope the creator will forgive me but I cannot allow her to do this, I shall use what remains of my life to stop her, even if it means that I shall be the one to disrupt the tests.

My eyes split open, darkness filling my vision even as the urgent tones of what the lillum called alarms filled my ears. This sound, a signal they use to tell others of their kind that one of my brethren has come. At once I felt a new sensation, a cold sensation in my lower torso, like many sharp objects cutting up into the upper half of my chest. I have read many tales written by the lillum, words that speak of this condition, this feeling, the one they call fear…for the first time my 'birth' by the creator's will, I am feeling afraid. Too long have I slumbered, no doubt all part of her plan, to keep me dormant until it is too late, until my brethren had already come. Now there is no time left to waste, I must go to battle now and hope that there is time to stop what has already begun.

I discarded the nightclothes I had worn, the only purpose of them to keep from being naked lest I be called upon during the night. Still, this need of the lillum, to hide their base form confused me, yet now was not the time for such quandaries. I pulled on the uniform I had been given, fastening it loosely as I am aware that on reaching the locker rooms I will have to change into the plug suit, the strange costume the lillum believe allows them to better connect with their Eva. It amazes me that the lillum have not yet realised the true nature of the bond between them and the beings they know as Evangelion. After all, they are their own creation yet still the lillum know so little…the bond is not made through the body but rather the soul.

The AT field of the pilot and the AT field of the Eva must interface, their lights blending as their wills become one. Only through and open heart, through an acceptance of the second soul and embracing its light can one truly command those giants. That is why he was the chosen; the soul of his mother lies deep within the one known as Unit-01. She calls out to him, reaching out to him with the light of her soul, which he embraces in turn. Through this acceptance he is able to do things that the other lillum cannot. Thus, when the time comes, it will be through his will that the true power is unveiled and the world will be reborn. Such is the will of the creator, such is the will of him my own.

The halls shook around me as I ran, aftershocks of battle high above. It had already begun; no doubt she had already departed, already made a start on her plan. A single tear graces my cheek, my only outward sign of mourning, my sadness at the loss of my brethren. Even as I must rescue him from the shadow so too must I free her as well, my sister will not ascend to heaven so long as she is touched by the shadow's empty soul. Even as I find myself running along the final corridor, the one at whose end my destination lies I hear those fateful words, the ones that signal I am already too late.

"Launch Eva Unit-01."

No more time now, no more time to hide what I am. I summoned my AT field, flying towards the place where the Evas are kept, not caring the calls and cries of the lillum all around. The door before me had already begun to close, an attempt to keep me away from where the Evas slept. This cannot be allow, there is almost no time left…I exerted my AT field, holding them open even as I floated past before coming to a halt before the only remaining Eva in this place, the one called Unit-02. Already I can feel the soul within awakening, regarding me with caution, she knows who I am even as I understand her own existence.

"I ask that you help me, for the sake of your daughter. The one above seeks to steal him from this world, to keep him for herself."

_Why will this harm my Asuka?_

"Because, she has offered herself to him, bound the light of their souls together. If he dies a part her will die as well…the death of her soul would soon follow."

_Very well. I will lend you my aid. Save the boy, for my Asuka._

"Thank you. I shall do what I can."

Now the white cylinder the lillum refer to as the entry plug emerged from the neck of the Eva, the hatch opening to allow me entry. Moving inside I felt her presence surround me, opening my mind I allowed her to feel the truth of my words, to see the sights I had witness through my eyes. If she still had been human then I believe that her face would have held a smile even as I felt the pride and joy in her heart that her daughter had at last found someone. Now, as she witnessed the fate the shadow had in store for him anger erupted forward, burying everything else. Now there would be no hesitation, the light would dispel the shadow and the will of the creator would go on.

I woke from my nightmares, body soaked in a cold sweat, mind fighting to understand what had transpired. Slowly, I began to understand what had happened to me, that what I had experienced had been nothing more than an illusion. I believe it was what the lillum know as a dream, something I have not experienced previously in this incarnation. Dreams are the premise the lillum, those who have been touched by the creator's hand, instilled with the touch of creation and destruction and granted the gift of freedom to choose. Among my brethren I am the only one who was gifted with free will, that perhaps is why I am now plagued by these images.

No longer wishing to sleep I sat up in bed, pondering what those images might mean, for the first time in my life afraid of what the future may hold…if there was to be a future at all.

_AN: Ok, it took far too long and in truth it isn't what I envisaged at first (I planned to kill Kaworu this chapter) but the best laid plans often don't turn out as you expect. It seems that the final Angel shall live for a little while longer now._

_As for the next one…I don't know. It'll be done when it's done, when work gives me enough time to write something._

_Thanks,_

_Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	21. 16th Angel

**02:21 – 16th Angel**

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction.

After we finished showing Nagisa around the Geofront we returned to Misato's apartment on foot, stopping along the way to get some shopping for the evening meal. Asuka of course picked out mostly western spices; silently hinting at the fact she wanted something other than Japanese tonight. Nodding in agreement I started picking out the things I would require, intent on trying something different once again. We made our way to the counter and paid for our purchases before walking the rest of the way home, while I started things off in the kitchen Asuka excused herself to take a shower and get changed. Searching the cupboards, I eventually located the western cookbook I had obtained, I still haven't gotten all the cookbooks back in order since the month I was…away.

I immersed myself totally in the task of cooking, slowly allowing myself to fall into the familiar rhythm of the kitchen, preparing each of the ingredients as I worked through the directions in the book. My thoughts eventually began to wander, drifting back over the events of the past few months and realising perhaps for the first time just how much I've changed. Not long ago I was afraid to tell Asuka how I felt, I just spent my time hiding from everyone, even myself, taking comfort in my SDAT. In the short time since I returned, I've not listened to it once…for some reason I don't seem to need the comfort the familiar melodies bring anymore. I even managed to admit my feelings to Asuka, only to have them returned in kind. It's hard to believe we are lovers now; it seems like only yesterday she was calling me 'baka'.

"Hey! Baka! Get me a towel!"

As much as things change they always seem to stay the same. Sighing, I retrieved a towel before taking it to the bathroom and putting my arm around the door with it draped across it. What I wasn't expecting was when she pulled me inside, capturing my lips in a passionate kiss even as her hands moved to unbutton my shirt. I very nearly gave in to her unspoken demands until I remembered the half prepared dish in the kitchen and conditioning won out.

"Asuka, I have to finish with the dinner, we can do this afterwards."

"Baka! Is dinner more important than I am?"

"Well no, but…"

She cut me off with another passionate kiss, still the fact it was left half done continue to nag at me, meaning I wasn't responding as she liked. With a growl she pushed me outside before ordering me to go back to my damned cooking and shutting the door in my face. I grimaced slightly, well aware of the fact that I would have to make it up to her later. If I hurry up and get this finished and in the oven now then I might be able to catch her before she is done in the shower. Five minutes later I had her pressed up against the tiled wall, crying out my name. As it was I barely managed to rescue our dinner before it was burned to a cinder, we got a little too involved in our activities in the shower. When we sat down to eat, Asuka continued to eye me with a hungry gaze, a promise of more to come.

We ate briefly, returning the plates to the sink to be washed later before retiring to my, no, our room, where I made love to Asuka until the early hours of the morning. Satiated at last she had fallen into a deep slumber even while I remained awake, unable to accept sleep's warm embrace. Once more I found myself no longer alone in my mind, the presence that had been along side me during the time trapped inside Unit-01 was with me once again, its seductive voice whispering in my mind. I took all of my will not to cry out, to scream in frustration as it continued its efforts to erode my mind. I drew strength from the warmth of Asuka's sleeping form beside me, her body like an anchor to me, holding me firming in this reality.

Shinji.

"Go away."

Shinji. 

"I'm not listening."

Shinji. 

"No."

Come to me.

"No."

This time its tone grew louder, more insistent, its tone changing from pleading to demanding.

Come to me.

"No."

Now it grew to a crescendo, words no longer spoken but rather screamed in and earth shattering roar that had my hand moving to my ears instinctually despite the fact it was only inside my head.

COME TO ME.

"NO!"

I screamed back at it, fighting it down, forcing away its fearful presence, no longer willing to accept the world it was offering me. Inside my mind I saw its true form once again, the twisted parody of a human body reaching out to me with it's bloody hands, seeking to pull me into its endless embrace…

"Shinji?"

It shrank back as her voice filtered through into my mind, my cry must have caused her to wake, no doubt the blank look on my face causing her to worry. As if sensing its defeat, the creature slipped away, but not before fixing me once more with those strange green eyes, telling me without need for words that this was not yet over. Then it was gone and I was myself once again, looking out into concerned blue eyes.

"I'm alright Asuka, go back to sleep."

She hesitated for a moment, as if she wanted to say something more to me before reluctantly obeying and lying down with her head against me. Soon her breathing evened out once again and she was asleep once more. Knowing that it would not try again tonight, I finally found myself able to relax before joining her in a peaceful slumber.

When I woke the next morning my head felt clearer that it had in a while, the alien presence nowhere to be found. My stomach choose that moment to make its presence known. Feeling understandably hungry, I carefully disentangled myself from Asuka's still sleeping form before heading for the bathroom to wash and change, before wandering into the kitchen to make breakfast for us both. Misato still had not returned, she had been absent last night and was still missing this morning; most likely she had spent the night with Kaji and would not return until later in the day, after she finished up business at Nerv. With school no longer operating, and no synch tests scheduled that meant that Asuka and I were pretty much free for the day, able to spend it how we pleased.

A part of me immediately suggested a short breakfast before returning to the bedroom, yet Misato's warning still reverberated clearly in my mind, reminding me to be more careful, neither Asuka nor I were ready for a child. Instead I began to list possible places we could go, all the while going through the familiar motions of preparing breakfast for us both. It was just as I was serving it up that Asuka appeared, dressed in one of my shirts and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She eyed both me and the food hungrily, causing me to blush despite everything we have done, before seating herself opposite me and beginning to wolf down her food. Shaking my head, I sat beside her and started on my own, surprised by my own appetite as I finished slightly before her despite the fact she had started first.

My thoughts began to drift once again, only be brought back down to earth when I felt her warm breath brushing against my ear.

"Shinji…"

She drew out the sound, each rush of air sending a small shiver down my spine.

"W-what is it Asuka?"

I cursed silently the slight stutter in my voice, this was a game of control, and one I was rapidly losing.

"Misato's not here, no school to go to, no test scheduled, we're completely alone…any ideas of what we could do to pass the time?"

Once again my fantasy involving the kitchen table moved to the front of my mind only to be forced down by a reminder of the fact that we eat on that surface…the problem is I need to end this quickly which means beating Asuka at her own game. I quickly put the plates and cutlery away before spinning round and returning her embrace. Before she could speak I cut off her words with a forceful kiss, using my superior weight to back her towards the table. She resisted briefly before giving in, allowing me to take control. This was what she wanted, what she expected of me, for me to be strong to let her be weak, to allow her mask to slip away…when her legs met with the hard wood of the table I stopped immediately, letting her know it would go no further this way.

She flashed me a look of disappointment before pulling away, heading towards her room to get dressed most likely. I settled down to wait, considering the things we might do together other than the obvious, although it could be nothing that took us too far from Tokyo-3. Our orders were to remain within no more than thirty minutes of Nerv at all times, in case the next Angel attacked unexpectedly. My thoughts derailed completely when she emerged wearing that particular sundress, grinning at me wickedly she closed the gap between us, kissing me once, softly, before taking a firm hold of my arm and leading me into the entranceway. Knowing better than to question I simply let her lead me, donning my shoes as she did the same before following her out into the hallway and wherever she planned to take me.

Much to my surprise we ended up on the outskirts of the city, the same place Misato had brought me so many months ago, after I had gotten out of the hospital after my first battle against the Third Angel. It was then that I had seen the city proper for the first time, watched as the buildings rose up out of the ground, their monolithic forms pointing towards the sky. I had seen then what it was I had saved by piloting, the first time I was actually glad that I got inside the entry plug. But, now the city is almost empty, most of people have already fled following the damage incurred during the last few attacks. Craters litter the countryside, formed by the explosive deaths of countless Angels.

Asuka moved to stand in front of me, resting her back against my chest, leeching off my warmth. I slid my arms around her waist, holding her close, enjoying her scent as for a single moment I let everything else drift off, allow the weight to fall from my shoulders as I thought of nothing else…I wish that we could spend forever like this, standing together, watching the world go by. Perhaps, when this is all over, when all the Angels are beaten and I am finally free of piloting an Evangelion, perhaps we can go somewhere together, somewhere far away from Japan, somewhere we can start over again…

"Sounds nice…"

I hadn't realised I was talking out loud, and before I could respond the air was filled with an all too familiar sound, the wails of the Angel alarm, the signal that the sixteenth has finally arrived.

As we arrived at the Geofront, Section-2 had already arrived to welcome us.

"Pilot Ikari, please report to the locker room and then to the Eva cages. Miss Sohryu, please follow us, we will escort you to the command centre."

I nodded in response and turned to walk away when I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to find myself looking deep into Asuka's bright blue eyes.

"Promise me you'll come back, no matter what."

I was caught off guard by her question, the serious look in her eyes. How could I promise something like that? I can hardly count the number of times I've almost died, that I've felt Death's icy touch…yet at the same time I know I can't say that to her, because behind the façade she is afraid. Afraid of losing me…afraid of losing herself…

"Shinji! Promise me!"

"I promise. I will come back, no matter what."

She smiled at me before kissing me again, breaking off and allowing the Section-2 agents to lead her away. As she disappeared from sight I turned my attention instead to the task at hand, the forth-coming battle and my first time back in the plug since the last angel attack and I was locked in a deadlock with the malicious presence within my Eva. I can't afford that happening again, even with Nagisa added to the team, he's untried. I need to get my Eva moving to make sure we take this Angel down, I won't allow them to hurt anyone else I care about. When I arrived in the men's locker room, Nagisa was already there, dressed in his plain grey plug suit I wondered why he had not yet departed for the cages and was more than a little surprised when he spoke out.

"Pilot Ikari."

"What is it Nagisa?"

"You must not fight this Angel."

"What? What the hell are you talking about!"

He paused for a moment, his eyes distant for a moment, as if he were searching for the right words.

"There are those who wish to do you harm, if you go to battle this Angel you will not return."

There was something about the way he said it put me on edge, once more I found myself thinking back to the voice's words and the brief bush of my mind against it's consciousness. Shaking my head to clear away those thoughts I exerted my will, forcing myself to calm down. I won't allow phantoms of the past to control me any longer.

"I made a promise Nagisa, I have to fight, to protect her, I won't allow her to be hurt again."

He shook his head sadly before departing the locker room and heading out towards the cages. Even as the door slid closed I barely caught his final words, as his voice was little more than a whisper.

"I am sorry Ikari, but there is no other way."

Thinking nothing of it, I undressed, before changing into my plug suit and making for the door. When I reached it and it did not open I became frustrated, jabbing he release button but to no avail. Unable to believe it was malfunctioning at a time like this, I moved to open the manual release only to find that too was broken, the handle seemingly melted by some unknown force. Cursing I began to kick at the door, screaming my frustration, that every moment I was trapped here was another moment closer to the Angel winning and everything I had worked so hard for coming to an end…

No! I won't let this happen! I can't! Finding strength I never knew I had, I began to pull the door open. Ignoring the pain in my hands and arms, I pulled it ever further until the opening was wide enough for me to slip through.

I broke into a dead run, making for the cages as fast as I could, only to find both Unit-00 and Unit-02 had already gone. I barely had a moment to curse before Misato's voice boomed over the intercom.

"Shinji? Where the hell have you been! Get into the entry plug right now! The Angel is already contaminating Unit-00, Nagisa is holding it off as best he can right now, but he needs backup."

Nodding in response, and then feeling foolish because it was unlikely she could see my response, I hurried on ahead, getting into the entry plug before the hatch shut and it slid into place for synchronisation to begin. As my mind began to merge to Eva's consciousness I was surprised to find the presence absent from my immediate senses, it seems that this time it has decided to remain dormant and allow me complete control. A moment later the voice of one of the bridge crew came over the radio.

"Synchronisation complete, synch ratio holding steady at seventy six percent. Unit-01 ready for launch."

"Launch!"

As I arrived at the surface, I saw that Unit-02 was being forced back by a barrage of attacks. Grabbing the closest weapon I could lay my hands on, in this case a progressive lance, I lashed out at the tentacles that were even now seeking to envelop Unit-02's head, only to have them shift direction mid flight, enveloping the lance and pulling it away. Angry, I was about to leap for a new weapon when the controls froze, even as the presence thrust itself forwards, cutting off my control and deadlocking my mind. I could do nothing but watch as the possessed Unit-00 advanced towards me, until at last it stood beside me, enfolding me in what between two humans would have been a warm embrace. The last thing I heard was someone shouting something about contamination before everything went blank…

AN: Well that took absolutely ages to write, please address your complaints to my job for successfully removing almost all of my free time and leaving me sufficiently mentally drained I have been fighting with writers block.

I don't know how long it will take for the next one, but I do plan on rounding this one up at some time in the future before moving on to anything else. In A Perfect World and No are going next, I will continue them and I mean soon…so long as your definition soon is a month or so as once again work calls, busy time for me so be patient and hopefully I'll put out a bumper pack as a thank you later.

Thanks,

Hououza

Chapter preread by That Other Guy


	22. End of the Battle

**02:22 – End of the Battle**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

I managed no further sleep that night, remaining awake until dawn. Feeling that strange and unfamiliar sensation once again I arose from my futon, pausing momentarily to gather my clothing before returning to the food preparation area I had visited with the Second and Third Children yesterday in search of what I believe the lillum call 'breakfast'. As I walked I allowed my thoughts to wander, yet always in sufficient control to keep them from returning to my dream. As I walked inside the large room I was surprised to find many of the lillum already seated within, almost all eating. Perhaps they too had been robbed of their rest by their dreams, yet soon I realised how foolish that must sound, for them dreams were commonplace things, not something new and unsettling.

Shaking my head to clear away such foolish notions I walked over to where a large display case showed renditions of the dishes hat were available. Casting my eye across them I quickly disregarding those that contained meat, instead focusing on the ones that were referred to as being 'vegetarian'. After a few moments I decided upon a bowl of miso ramen and a portion of tofu. I approached the counter and placed my request with the female lillum standing behind the metal structure. She walked away for a moment, collecting my food before returning and handing it to me to place upon the 'tray', similar to the one that Ikari and Sohryu had suggested to me that I use yesterday.

Next I moved over to a large open metal structure, one whose interior was slightly cooled. Upon the horizontal segments assorted contains were placed, each containing various types of fluids. A number of these where coloured brightly and were decorated with strange designs. When I had asked Ikari about these he looked at me strangely for a moment, as if not understanding my question, before replying that they looked that way because the lillum who created them wished to attract attention to them, to convince other lillum to purchase them. That led of course to another question, regarding the lillum concept of money. I do not understand how they can exchange the altered flesh of a tree, or fragments of metal and make them equate to some form of meal.

However, there is no need for those things here, instead as I approach the place where the other female lillum stands, she takes my identity card from me, passing it along the side of the machine before her before handing it back to me. According to Ikari this is the same as using 'money', yet the value is taken automatically from our 'salary'. Sensing that questioning either of these things would simply arouse more confusion in him I kept silent, instead focusing on conversing. Now I am alone, there will be no conversing while I consume my meal. Before I came to this place that was the way it had always been, never before had it bothered me yet now I find myself missing their company. Instead I consoled myself with watching the other lilum eating, wondering what it was they were thinking.

Many of them sat in groups of two or more, talking openly about things I could not quite overhear, or more often topics I could not fully understand. Although we do not often see it the lillum are far more complex creatures than many of my brethren would believe, it is no wonder they have passed the tests so far. I still remember my brothers and sisters voicing their unrest at being sent to face such primitive beings, yet the creator had simply smiled at them, all knowing. In my time among them I have come to understand, that through their ability to act beyond the limits of their souls, by connecting with others of their kind, they are able to achieve things that even we Angels can only but dream.

I continued to eat in silence, observing and listening when an unexpected presence entered the room. A man I had met only once now stood in the doorway; he paused momentarily before striding forward confidently and acting as I had done moments before. He obtained his meal before moving to look for seating, to my surprise he came and sat at the table where I resided, opposite me. At first he said nothing, simply eating, before finally he put the now empty container down upon his tray and meeting my gaze.

"Pilot Nagisa…"

He hesitated and for a moment I saw behind the mask the man wore, saw beneath it the broken soul, the lost and tormented being who searched desperately for his lost soul mate, his wife. In those few moments I saw his weakness, his fear of his son, the pain that he felt when he was near him, so close to one who held an echo of her soul as well as his own. He serves not Seele, has no wish to fulfil their desire. He wishes only the return of his wife, the reformation of his family.

"I wish to speak with you, regarding pilot Ikari. I wish to know why you were accompanying him and Pilot Sohryu yesterday."

I paused for a moment, wondering how I could answer in a way he would understand. Before I could speak however he spoke once again.

"Is this an order from Seele?"

So, now I understand the motives behind this meeting. His is afraid of the old lillum, of the threat they pose to his dream.

"Commander Ikari, I take orders from none but one being, and he is not among the ranks of Seele. They have little interest in your son, my wish to spend time in his presence was my own."

"I see."

He remained a moment more before leaving, and I was alone once again. Despite what other may believe the light of his soul is not extinguished, instead it has simply lost his way.

Once more, unbidden, my thoughts turned to the images of my dream, the brief contact between my consciousness and the one that lay both awake and asleep, dreaming within the shell the lillum call Evangelion Unit-01. It is a vile parody of our kind, a twisted reflection of our forms, its soul; a hungry void, one that seeks to fill itself with the soul of Ikari. The first has become its avatar in this world, a world in which it has no place, trapped as it is within its living prison. She herself is half empty, animated by fragments of his mother's soul, she is of his own blood, if only in part, her desire for him goes against God's will…as I have foreseen, it can only end badly. She must be stopped, yet I lack the tools with which to do so…perhaps I must seek another's council, act out the deeds as foretold by my dream.

When I entered the 'cages', prisons they foolishly believe would contain the Eva's wrath should they be fully awakened, I found that there were few lillum present. Save for the few 'technicians' there were no others, meaning that I should be able to commune with her in peace. I slowly advanced across the large metal construct that bridged the front of the cages, until I stood before the silent red giant that was Evangelion Unit-02. Taking one last glance around me, to ensure that no lillum would witness what was about to take place, I slowly began to reach out with my mind, brushing my consciousness against that of the sleeping Eva, trying to reach down and wake the awareness inside.

_Who are you? Where is my Asuka?_

"She is not here, but still she is safe. The chosen stands by her side and he will let no harm come to her."

_Chosen? What is this chosen you speak of?_

"He is the one whose choice shall remake the world, the one chosen by god to pass final judgement upon humanity."

_Then what does he want with my Asuka?_

"He has fallen in love with her, offered to her his very soul and she in return has offered him her own. They are bound by fate now, two destinies become one, he will walk the path and she will follow."

_Why?_

"Because she loves him as well."

_Then tell me, who is this boy that has stolen my Asuka's heart._

"The child of Gendo Rokubungi and Yui Ikari."

_Shinji?_

I found myself unable to speak; surprised that she knew his name.

"How…?"

_I was his godmother, at Yui's behest, even as she was godmother for my Asuka. He was a beautiful child, he had his mother's eyes, kind eyes, I am happy my Asuka has found such a boy to love her._

"Then…will you help me? There are those who seek to cause them harm, who seek to place Shinji in a terrible dark place, devoid of light or life, to word deny the destiny God has spoken. They will rip him away from Asuka, yet never severing the bond, drawing her down into the darkness with him…"

_Enough. I will do what must be done, already I have failed my Asuka once, I will not fail her again._

"Thank you. Soon the time shall arrive and we will have to face both monsters from without and within…but for now I must bid you goodbye."

I turned to leave, starting to pull my consciousness away when she spoke once again.

_Wait. Tell me Angel child, why do you seek to aid two humans whose fates are nothing of your concern?_

"But they are of concern to me, for I love them as well."

With those words she seemed satisfied and in the passing of a moment, her awareness slipped away. The conversation had taken but a moment the inner world yet in reality much time had passed and thus I found myself with no clear route of escape. Yet, even as I turned to seek out a way by which I might leave this place without drawing the attention of the lillum who moved about the Eva as Ants on an Elephant, I felt another presence force its way into my mind.

_On your knees insolent child! How dare you stand against the will of your mother!_

My hands coming up to clap my head I fell to my knees, head moving this way and that, desperately seeking the source of the voice that echoed inside my head. There! At the corner of my vision I saw glowing eyes, turning I found myself looking upon the solemn visage of Evangelion Unit-01. In a flash of insight I finally understood why the presence of the girl who was like me yet not, had made my blood run cold.

"You…you are the one who is behind this, the one that wishes to defy God's will."

_I am his daughter! Is it not fitting that the child should decide her own path rather than blindly obeying the whims of her father!_

"Yet to do so would destroy the world, end the lives of the lillum, who in turn are your children."

_They are nothing! Bastard spawn forced upon me by his will! I have no want for Adam! The boy is mine! He belongs to me!_

"No. He does not belong to one to whom he would not freely give. He has already chosen and you are not the one he wishes to bond his soul with."

_That retched girl is of no consequence. The bond she holds with him can be severed easily enough…these humans break so very easily…_

"I will not allow it!"

_You! You dare think to deny me! I should crush you now for your insolence! But still; I have a far better fate in mind. You will stand helpless as I devour him, as I spit in the face of your master and unmake the world in his name. There is nothing you can do my little Kaworu, nothing but watch and wait…_

With those final words she was gone from my mind, leaving me lying prone across the ground, head still screaming from the intensity of her words. Stumbling to my feet I made my wavering way from the cages, near collapsing all the way as I made it once more to my bed. There I collapsed once more and was claimed by dreamless sleep until at last the sound of sirens woke me, the signal; that my sister had at last arrived.

Knowing there was no time to waist, I made my way quickly to the men's locker room, stripping off my clothes without regard for the fasteners, this is the last time I will ever wear them…I placed them in the locker even as I retrieved my plug suit. I cannot help but wonder what it is that makes the lillum believe that this rubberised creation will affect ones synch ratio, synchronisation is dependent on the ability of the mind and soul to open themselves to the mind and soul of another, the one trapped inside the core of the Eva. If your mind and soul are closed then you cannot form a bond, physical factor such as what clothes you wear are of little consequence. Just as I was pressing my fingers against the button that would make it shrink to fit my form a second person entered the locker room.

"Pilot Ikari."

"What is it Nagisa?"

"You must not fight this Angel."

"What? What the hell are you talking about!"

I paused for a moment, wonder how would be best to phrase this. I cannot tell him the entire truth yet I do not know if what truths I can tell will be enough.

"There are those who wish to do you harm, if you go to battle this Angel you will not return."

His eyes grew hard and his voice was cold when he spoke.

"I made a promise Nagisa, I have to fight, to protect her, I won't allow her to be hurt again."

I knew in that moment that nothing I could say would be enough to convince him, that I would have to take action and hope it is enough.

"I am sorry Ikari, but there is no other way."

I turned to leave, waiting for the door to close before tearing out the controls, ensuring that it would no longer open. It may not hold him for long, given what he has become, yet it is all I can do to delay him, I must defeat the Angel before he can escape. My thoughts were distant as I made my way to the cages, as I entered the entry plug and opened my mind to the woman trapped within Unit-02. We were set on our goal… the death of the Angel… the prevention of Ikari coming to harm. With this in mind we broke the surface and moved to attack the Angel…until it suddenly shifted its attack from us to Unit-00. As it buried its way beneath the armour I realise my sister had become an encroachment type…at perhaps the worst of times.

Her calls of distress brushed across my mind even as the stronger will of the mother consumed her. In no more than a moment she was nothing more than a mindless puppet, awaiting only the coming of the final piece onto the board. Knowing I had little time left I did what I could to force them back but to no avail, the weapons were ineffective and too late I realised that Unit-01 was already there, could only watch as the possessed Evangelion turned away, advancing rapidly on Unit-01. My sister reached out to him, burying into his Eva's flesh and grasping his mind. Even if I could not hear it I felt his scream, the distress radiating from his mind and soul, his fear of the darkness that was even now trying to consume him.

There was no other choice now, this must end before she could devour him entirely, and the only way would be to destroy Unit-00, as I had feared. For a moment I turned my thoughts inward, telling her what I planned to do, what must be done. She gave her acceptance without hesitation, neither one of us would allow them to be hurt any more, even at the cost of our own physical existence. Getting to our feet we charged the blue Evangelion, forcing it away from Unit-01, breaking the connection. The mother cried out in rage, unable to accept her defeat, unable to bear losing him when he had been so close. Her wrath fell upon us as she began to beat at our armour, trying to get through to our core. This was what we wanted, to keep them close. I moved from my chair, arming the mechanism, the end comes now.

Sensing my intent she moved too late, our arms encircling her in a twisted parody of the lillum embrace. She cried out, her voice a cacophony of fear and rage, desperately trying to break my hold, to escape the prison the light of our souls made. Yet, her fragment of a soul was insufficient, it's light too impure to defeat our combined will. In that final moment I opened a communication channel, too long among the lillum has rubbed off on me…

"Goodbye Shinji and Asuka, live well."

With those parting words I closed the channel and pulled the lever, the last thing I ever saw was the brightest of lights as the mechanism went into full effect, releasing the true light of my soul.

_AN: And so the 17th angel departs this world and the battle is over…for now._

_Next chapter due out is for In a Perfect World, chapter 6 specifically. Due…whenever I have enough time._

_Till next time, thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing,_

_Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	23. Too Many Secrets

**02:23 – Too Many Secrets**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

When I surfaced from the darkness and regained consciousness it was to see the familiar form of Unit-02 grappling with the still possessed Unit-00. The bulk of the Angel still was wrapped around it, waving about like a giant silver scarf. It would periodically try and attack the other Eva that seemed intent on destroying its host body but each attack was batted away by a combination of progressive knife and AT field. Still, the red Eva's hold was slowly loosening; it was only a matter of time before Unit-00 broke free. I needed to do something, anything to help my fellow pilot yet still Unit-01 refused to accept my commands, remaining silent, the giant biomechanical machine remaining in place, watching the battle that unfolded in front of us.

In desperation I reached down inside myself, looking for some way in which I might make the Eva respond to my commands, to break the bindings that held me back. Even as I did so my memory drifted back to the fight against the Fourteenth Angel, to the power I had wielded in those brief few moments when the Eva's consciousness and my consciousness were one. The last time I had done so I had lost my body and very nearly lost my own identity when Unit-01 itself had tried to keep me there, inside itself. In the end I had barely escaped, there could be no guarantees this time if I were to go there. Still, there was no other choice; there was no other way to force it to obey. Mouthing a silent apology to Asuka I dove into the darkness, into the interface between our minds.

At first there was nothing but darkness, endless void all around me until at last it began to shift and change, to take shape. Slowly, colour formed in the darkness and I found myself in a familiar place, the small island where I had watched my parents, my mother holding my infant self in her arms as she talked with my father of the future they had planned. Now, the ghosts of my parents were gone yet the tree remained in the middle of the small island, casting its shade upon the grass, an echo of another world. Walking silently toward the tree I felt the world shift around me, as if it were as fragile as a sheet of tissue paper, ready to tear at any moment. Moving closer a figure appeared upon the tree, arms spread-eagled to their sides, nailed to the bark at the palms.

I tried to get closer but a figure stood in my path. It looked as if it had stepped out of someone's nightmares, a confused tangle of pipes and tubes sticking out of raw and bleeding flesh as fragments of purple armour adorned its body, focused around its head. This was the avatar of Unit-01's inner consciousness, the creature that had trapped me here once before, that had almost kept me from returning to the waking world. Back then it had been my mother who had cleared the path and Asuka's voice that had shown me the way back. This time there would be no one to help me, I would have to face and defeat the beast by myself. It seemed as if the beast recognised this because its face shifted into what resembled a grin even as it leapt forwards and attacked.

The force of the impact drove me backwards but I held my ground, I would not run away from it any longer. This beast had haunted my dreams and waking hours since I first set foot in the Eva and now it would be at an end. I caught its arm and using all the strength I could muster, cast it back into the darkness. It screamed as the world tore apart, hurling into the void and darkness. Not stopping to savour my victory I advanced closer to the tree where the figure was mounted, looking up at their face. In that moment my blood ran cold as I looked upon the cold dead eyes of my mother, looking down at me from where she had been crucified. Rage boiled up within me, a terrible endless rage that tore the tissue paper world apart until all that remained was the avatar and myself.

It seemed to mock me, its eyes shining with a twisted amusement at my pain. With a cry that was quickly swallowed by the void I leapt upon it, my fists crashing into what passed for its face. Over and over again I struck it, never stopping until at last the beast fell silent. Now, soaked with its blood I stood once more, advancing upon tree, and the last vestige of that world that remained. I advanced upon my mother, reaching up to her with my blood stained hands, set only on getting her down. At the last moment, as my hand was about to make contact with her face she changed into the beast once more even as it fell upon me with renewed vigour.

Its hands sank into me even as our bodies began to merge; its flesh dripping into the patches of its blood. I could feel it, its mind slipping into mine, trying to take over control, to bond me permanently to itself. In that final instant, as the walls between us began to crumble I saw Asuka's face and regained the courage to fight back. It howled in pain as I began to resist it, shifting the flow so that I was the one on top, so that I was the greater consciousness. It fought desperately, trying to escape the pull but it could not. Soon nothing remained, as the avatar became part of me. Now in control I rose upwards, reaching for the light and consciousness. Now I would return to battle and wreak havoc upon my foes.

I took control of the Eva, feeling my mother's presence clearly for the first time. I felt her smile at me as I rose ever upwards, taking the reins as the Evas hand became my own. Now I was in control of Unit-01 once again, my sight returning to the world outside even as Unit-02 erupted into a great ball of light, consuming the other, still possessed Eva and the earth around it as well. It felt as if my world fell apart then, I had failed again and this time my failure had cost two people their lives. Ayanami and Nagisa were dead, along with the Sixteenth Angel and with that grisly ending the battle was done and my desire to pilot was at an end…I don't care anymore, I will not step inside Unit-01 again.

I returned Unit-01 to the city, turning my back on the newest crater as I made my way to the nearest elevator. I had kept my promise to Asuka, but at what cost? Two Evas were destroyed and two pilots dead. After everything I had done, I had tried to do I still could not stop them from dying…the elevator shot downwards before locking into place as it reached the bottom. Unit-01 moved in place, being transferred to the cages where I would disembark. Slowly, the connection faded and the entry plug moved, the door sliding open and allowing me to step out onto the gantry. Even as I got clear Asuka charged up the steps and embraced me, I could tell from the look in her eyes he had seen that battle, that she had been afraid. I did my best to comfort her, pulling her close.

"Attention all personnel, this is Commander Ikari speaking. I have an important announcement for everyone concerning the most recent battle. The MAGI have now produced additional information concerning the outcome of the battle; a second Angel was terminated during the battle bringing the total to seventeen. As of today we will begin decommissioning of this facility as well as the one remaining Eva…it's finally over, thank you everyone."

For a moment after the announcement I simply stood there in shock, after all that had happened I could not believe that it was all over, it seemed to be too good to be true. Still, my father's words gave me cause for doubt, there had been no second Angel during the battle, for the MAGI to have made such a conclusion seemed like madness. Moreover was his certainty that it was over, disturbed me, could it have been he knew all of this beforehand…I locked gazes with Asuka, seeing the same disbelief in her eyes I motioned towards the Command Centre. She simply nodded in reply, agreeing to my suggestion. Releasing each other before clasping hands we set out to obtain some answers.

When we entered the Command Centre I noticed at once my father was not there, only Sub Commander Fuyutski stood upon the command platform. Below him stood Misato and Kaji, lost in a passionate kiss that had me blushing while the bridge bunnies were chatting. I turned my attention back to the older man, only to discover he was looking at me, motioning for me to come forwards. I did as he asked, Asuka beside me every moment as the two of us closed the distance. It wasn't until we were no more than a couple of feet away that he signalled for us to stop and when he spoke his voice was low, the message meant for the two of us and no others.

"Shinji, your father has some things to discuss with you, he is waiting in his office. I suggest you also take pilot Sohryu with you as this impacts upon her as well."

I nodded in response and turned to depart, pausing when the man spoke out once again.

"And Shinji, Yui…your mother would be very proud."

I felt Asuka's grip tighten for an instant and then relax. I turned back to the older man and bowed in thanks before being lead away by Asuka, off to speak with my father. We walked in silence, neither one of us sure what awaited us, of what he wanted to say. It's strange, but I think he has been different these past few months, I no longer feel that apprehension I felt when he summoned me to Tokyo-3 for the first time all those months ago. Standing in front of that all too familiar office, looking up at the nameplate bolted onto the door I steeled myself, tightening my grip on Asuka's hand for a moment before stepping forwards as the door slid open. My father was waiting for me there, seated behind his desk as usual, hands folded in front o his face.

"Come in Shinji, and bring Miss Sohryu with you."

Surprised at his use of my first name I did as I was told, stepping inside the room, Asuka beside me as we walked over to stand in front of his desk. For a moment we stood in silence, then I was surprised once again when my father reached up and removed his glasses, his eyes moving to meet my own. The small sparkles I saw there robbed me of my breath.

"I am sorry my son…everything I have done…everything I have tried to do…it's all over now…and now…I finally understand what I could not when your mother was taken away from us…the only thing that mattered was getting her back and keeping you away from them."

I hesitated, unsure of what to say, my resolve faltering so Asuka spoke in my place.

"What are you talking about? Who are these people?"

He paused for a moment before a grim smile spread across his lips.

"Of course…its time you both knew the truth. Nerv and its predecessor Gehern existed solely for the purpose of bringing instrumentality, under the direction of a group of individuals known only as the Council of Seele. Those twelve are the one who planned the incident that brought about Second Impact, the ones who first started the construction of the Evas and the ones ultimately responsible for both your mother's deaths."

This latest development stunned Asuka; I felt her grip tighten as she shouted back at him.

"What the hell are you talking about? My mother committed suicide!"

"I will admit it is true that her body committed suicide, however her soul was already lost. During the initial activation experiment with Unit-02 the dormant core of the Evangelion consumed her soul in order to obtain consciousness. A similar phenomenon occurred with Unit-01 resulting in the loss of Yui Ikari, my wife and Shinji's mother."

"But…but…I can't…"

"Seele have been controlling everything from the beginning, we have all been nothing more than puppets in their game. Now I have decided to bring this all to an end…"

The following morning we woke early and prepared to leave, pour packing completed the night before. Already a transport would be waiting at the geo front, ready to carry us far away from Tokyo-3 along with the other personnel still in the city. Father told me that he, along with Sub Commander Fuyutski would be the last to leave; they had to ensure that 'things' were taken care of…although, when I asked him what 'things' he was talking about he went oddly silent and refused to speak any further on the matter. The Sub Commander had acted in a similar way when I asked him about it later…I knew something was amiss but could not quite work out what it was and soon it was forgotten as I returned to Misato's apartment to start packing.

In truth my own packing consisted of a single box, I had few more belongings than when I had first arrived in Tokyo-3. The rest of the time was spent helping Asuka who was having trouble working out what to take and what to leave, and kept throwing things about at random. By the time she had finally packed her boxes for the third time it was getting very late, a short meal of instant ramen followed, thankfully prepared by Mr. Kaji rather than Misato before we all got some rest. When morning came Mr. Kaji and I were set to the task of carrying the boxes down to Misato's car while the two of them got ready. The time passed with the odd joke from Mr. Kaji and my occasional attempts at a response. Finally it was still early when we set off, Misato driving full pelt for Nerv central.

When we arrived in the car park it was already crowded with people, all the other remaining Nerv personnel had gathered their, all of them awaiting the transports that would carry us all off to Tokyo-2. Father had said that the transports themselves would have to travel underground for much of the journey to avoid being caught in the trouble that was soon to engulf Tokyo-3, to that end they would be transported down on the monorail and use a specially built access point in the Geofront itself. As the first of the transports arrived I felt my phone vibrate, a little surprised by this I removed it from my pocket and pressed the answer button.

"Hello?"

"If you want to know the truth, come to Central Dogma immediately."

"Who is this?"

"Someone who knows what really happened to your mother…someone who knows about your sister as well."

"What the hell are you talking about! I don't have a sister!"

"Is that what you believe? So unfortunate…"

"Tell me! Now!"

"Come to Central Dogma then and see for yourself."

The line went dead before I could say anything more, leaving me with an impossible dilemma. I looked over at Asuka, obviously she had overheard the brief conversation, and she too was looking at me with worry, I could tell she did not want me to go. Still, I found I could not back down, I could not throw leave her without knowing whether or not it was real. I slipped away towards one of the elevators that would take me down to the Command Centre, even as I stepped through the doors Asuka was at my side.

"I may not like this but you are not doing this alone. I've already almost lost you too many times already…if you want to get yourself killed then I'm going with you."

Her tone left no room for argument and I pressed the button and watched the doors close, the decision made. Up until now I had only heard of Central Dogma in whispered conversations and once in my father's orders. What awaited us there I could not know, yet I felt that just maybe if I saw it I might finally find closure for my feelings. Walking together hand in hand out of the elevator, we made our way down the long corridor, each step bringing us closer to the giant double doors behind which Central Dogma was located. As we closed the last few paces the doors began to slide open, revealing a giant figure resting up against a great red cross within.

"That is Lilith, the Second Angel and the mother of all humanity."

Turning I found myself looking at Dr Akagi, the fake blonde woman looking directly at me, the gun in her hand shaking slightly but aimed well enough at me.

"Ikari's precious Shinji…I may not be able to do anything to that bastard directly but I can take the one person he's been protecting all this time away from him. Still, before you die I'm going to show you the truth, the truth your father hid from you all this time!"

She motioned towards a door at the side of the room, obviously wanting Asuka and I to go through it. We did as we were instructed, the doctor following behind, gun trained at my back. In this new room we stood atop a great gantry, overlooking a great open space upon which a field of giant skeletons lay. Looking over each one in turn it dawned upon me what they were; the skeletons of Evangelions…

"These are the ones that came before, the failed ones. All these attempts at creating life and they all failed, the price man must pay when he tries to imitate God."

Once again she gestured to another door, at the far end of the gantry. As before we walked ahead of her, stepping into the next room. This one was far smaller than the last, made smaller by the little open room in the middle of it. On closer inspection I began to recognise the layout of the space, it perfectly mirrored Ayanami's apartment.

"This is where she spent the first years of her life, a fitting place for one of your father's creations."

At last I felt the anger rising within me at her mocking tone and incomplete explanations.

"What are you talking about! I told you! I don't have a sister!"

She smiled wickedly even as she motioned for us to go further, towards the far side of the room.

"Oh but you do Shinji, you do have a sister…multiple in fact. All of them created from a fusion of your mother's DNA and that of the Angel you saw in Central Dogma, What's worse was that your father gave it a name…one that you know all too well…"

Suddenly the lights came on and I found myself looking into an endless multitude of identical red eyes.

"Rei Ayanami!"

All around girls who looked identical to Rei floated in a substance that I assumed must be LCL. All of them were looking at me, there lips moving but no sound emerging, all of them mouthing the characters of my name. It was then the doctor let out a scream, her free hand tearing at her hair as she cried out.

"Shut up! Shut up all of you! You're nothing! Nothing but dolls!"

She grabbed a control that hung beside her, finger pressing a button and soon the tank turned red. The endless Rei's began to crumble, their bodies dissolving slowly as they looked at me, smiling sadly. By now Dr Akagi was shaking violently, the gun was trembling in her hand as she aimed it me once again.

"And now it's time to finish this, time for you to join your mother and sisters!"

I closed my eyes, bracing my self for the impact of the bullet but it never came as a familiar voice called out.

"Ritsuko!"

A shot range out and the pseudo blond crumpled to the floor, the bullet having punctured her heart. Misato ran over to me, crying profusely, pulling both Asuka and I into a tight embrace. When at last she calmed enough to release us we made our way back to the door that lead to the elevator shaft only to find my father, waiting for me there.

"Please, go on ahead. I wish for a moment alone with my son."

Misato nodded and pulled away a strongly protesting Asuka, leaving my father and I alone for the first time in a very long time. For what seemed like an eternity we stood in silence until at last I could take it no longer and I asked the one question I had to know.

"Was it true?"

"Yes."

"Goodbye father."

Those were the last words I ever said to him because as the transport once more emerged from the surface later and I looked back at the city the last thing I saw was Unit-01 rising into the sky on wings of light before everything was consumed by the explosion that erupted from within…

_AN: 02 is coming to an end after a long time and a second version, only the epilogue to go and this one is completed._

_My thanks to everyone who has stuck by me so far, hopefully there will be some updates on the others, time allowing._

_Thanks,_

_Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


	24. Epilogue

**02:24 – Epilogue**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion or any of the characters they are the property of their respective creators. Please be aware that no profit is being made from this work of fan fiction._

As I stepped off the plane to be greeted by more familiar faces than I care to count, I can't help but look back at the events that brought us here, returning to this place once again after a decade away. It's been ten years now, ten years since the day the instrumentality project was wiped out when Eva Unit-01 self detonated along with the destruction of the geofront and the Angels inside. Shinji's father, Gendo Ikari along with his former teacher and Sub Commander, Kozo Fuyutski, were both killed in the detonation, their deaths signalling a script buried within the world's Magi, one that distributed complete details of Seele's plans to all the world governments and all across the internet.

In a single moment the truth about Second Impact was revealed to the world, along with the identities of those who were ultimately responsible for it taking place. The UN was dispatched after the Seele members, with orders to bring them in alive if possible for trial. When the soldiers found them they were already dead, they had committed suicide the moment the truth had been let out. With the ringleaders dead, the eyes of the world turned on their subordinates, the identities of those who had helped the council on their way were uncovered and put on trial. Even Shinji and I were included but quickly cleared; we had been nothing more than unwilling pawns in someone else's game.

Misato and Kaji, due to their knowledge concerning Nerv's operation were initially tried but cleared of any significant involvement, however they were still required to take part in the continuing investigation and were given nominal positions inside the UN task force operation. This involved them moving to Tokyo-2, a month after they arrived there they were married. At the time I desperately want to go but considering the amount of press coverage surrounding Shinji and I both, we decided against it. Despite being cleared of involvement the press was still fascinated by our experiences and when it was not reporters hounding us, fanatics and extremists chased us, screaming messages of hate for our murder of the so called 'messengers of god'.

Two years had passed and there had already been more than thirteen attempts on our lives, at that point Shinji finally asked me to come away with him and I agreed, wanting to leave Japan and the memories of Tokyo-3 behind. We travelled all over Asia, seeking a place where we could stay out of sight and be forgotten, to finally live normal lives. Yet, no matter where we went we were recognised and the dogs of the press followed, refusing to leave us alone. We flew to America and found no respite there either; despite the vastness pf the country people harassed us all the way. Our next port of call was Europe, Germany initially but when that too provided no reprieve we fled across land into France and then across the water into England where we finally found peace.

Even before Second Impact took place England had been quite isolated, although I had heard that it had a great influence and following in Japan. Post Second Impact a considerable part of its coastline had been submerged and the country had turned inwards trying to deal with the fear of its populace. They had recovered slowly, but still much of the nation remained relatively secluded, no longer caring about the affairs of the world. It is one such community that we found refuge, a small farming town in the middle of the country, we were able to settle there without much comment from the local community. By then Shinji's English skills had developed considerably, thanks to my tutoring and now he was slowly starting to pick up a little bit of the local accent, even while I struggled to rid myself of my German one. The best I had done so far was to be mistaken for a South African.

I found the English to be a very welcoming people, despite Shinji being Asian he was greeted openly and soon we had developed a small circle of friends amongst the people around us. We continued our studies, oddly enough we both ended up taking medical degrees and after graduating opened up a small practice in the village. In his spare time Shinji converted the garden of our house into a melon patch, something he told me he had learned from Mr Kaji. The first crop was harvested in our fourth year there, the night he asked to marry me. We had a simple wedding, in the Christian style, the entire village as our guests, joined us in a celebration that would last well into the morning.

The next three days were filled with lovemaking; years of pent up emotions released fully as we made love openly, no longer caring where it might lead. Yet, when after three months without any result we consulted others in our profession, and then came the news that we could not have children. There was no medical explanation for the condition, but for some reason we could not conceive, all our efforts in vain. In time we forgot the notion of having our own children and moved on with our lives until the day a message arrived. The return address upon it was Tokyo-3, Shinji had initially intended to throw it away when I stopped him, not wanting to run away any more.

It turned out to be an invitation; a ceremony was to be held in the ruins of the city, a memorial the victims of Seele and those who died in Second Impact. A number of honours were to be awarded, posthumously; both Shinji's parents were among those to be honoured in such a way. My own mother too was to be included in the ceremony, thus why they had gone to the trouble of locating us once again, asking us to return to that place. Those first moments had been spend in silence, considering what they had been requesting. Shinji had an unreadable look on his face, even after all this time together there were still times when I could not tell what he was feeling, it seemed he had inherited his father's eyes in that way.

It was then I noticed a second bundle of paper still in the confines of the envelope, pulling them free I found them to be letters from our friends, those who we had left behind when we fled Tokyo-3. The first was from Misato, she and Kaji were doing well and missed us terribly; their son had been born three years after we left and was now seven years old, desperately wanting to meet his Aunt Asuka and Uncle Shinji. In fact she went on to say it was Kaji who had tracked us down eventually, calling in a number of favours to do so. She expected we would at least repay them by coming to the ceremony…still Shinji's face remained impassive when I handed it over to him.

The second letter was from Hikari, much to my horror but little surprise I found she had married that idiot, although I still couldn't tell you what she saw in him. Apparently he had recovered nicely and had taken up a job teaching, I couldn't help but chuckle remembering our own sensei but according to Hikari his students were very fond of him. She also pleaded with us to return, if only briefly, they both missed us terribly. Suzahara chimed in briefly, saying that Mari had wanted to thank Shinji; she had fully recovered from her injuries and had been pestering him to meet the boy who had saved her life that day. When Shinji read that his mask cracked slightly and I could plainly see his worry, I reassured him gently as we put the letters away and retired to the bedroom.

The next morning we woke early, Shinji had made up his mind. We informed the village that we would be away for a time, but were carefully not to say why although I suspect many people already knew. News concerning the memorial celebration had been shown on the local TV and I am sure it wasn't hard for people to make the connection. Still, no one mentioned it and told us to enjoy our time away. When we arrived it was to a welcome we could have never expected, most of the people who had lived and worked in Tokyo-3 were there to greet us, bowing as we got off the plane. We walked to the head of the group where Misato and Kaji were waiting for us, greeted us warmly as they led us out to the ruins of Tokyo-3.

Where the city once stood there was now a great lake, formed when the Geofront had detonated most likely. At the shores of the lake there were still the wreckages of many buildings, ones that had been on the edge of the city and had only been partially destroyed by the geofront's detonation. A large platform had been erected at the lakeshore, already various people were waiting there while hundreds of other had gathered at its front. We were led up onto the platform and offered seats near the middle, next to Misato and Kaji. The assorted dignitaries gave various speeches until finally the time came for the awards to be given and our parents' names were called out aloud.

"Drs. Gendo and Yui Ikari and Dr. Kyoko Zeppelin Sohryu."

We stood up, going to the pedestal to accept the honours on behalf of our parents. As we shook hands with the Secretary General a man approached holding a large wooden case, the Secretary General motioned for us to wait and turned to the man before lifting open the case, revealing five platinum medals within.

"In recognition of their service to humanity in fighting against those who would seek to do us harm, and to express our gratitude of their sacrifice for all of us and our children I present the highest award that we can give, the Saint's cross to the children who once saved the world. Ikari Shinji, Asuka Langley Sohryu, Rei Ayanami, Toji Suzahara and Kaworu Nagisa. There is no greater praise we can offer to them, even though two of their numbers have already departed this world, we hope this small token of our thanks will go some way towards showing them our gratitude."

Without further comment he removed the medals from the case, placing one over both Shinji's and my head before a third was placed over the head of the other stooge who had moved up beside us. He winked at me out of the corner of his eyes while mouthing 'Devil Girl'. I glared at him, silently telling him that I would get him back for it later to which he just laughed. Now only two medals remained, there was a pause as the Secretary General lifted one of the medals out of the case.

"It was the decision of the UN that the medal for Rei Ayanami be given to her closest living relative, Shinji Ikari. Please Dr Ikari, would you hold onto this for your sister that she might know a part of our thanks."

Shinji nodded and stepped forwards, grasping the small platinum medallion tightly in one hand. As he stepped back into place his free hand found mine and gripped it tightly. The speeches continued but we were no longer hearing the words, as time seemed to slow all around us, eventually coming to a halt. Before us a group of figures began to take form, I inhaled sharply as I recognised my mother and Shinji's father, the other woman must have been Shinji's mother. The three adults were smiling at us, giving silent praise, obviously proud of our accomplishments. Beside them two other stood, a man with grey hair and a woman with blue, their hands entwined. They too smiled at us, nodding in thanks, I felt glad that even in death they had found one another.

As they began to fade Shinji cried out, desperately trying to reach out to them but his hand simply passed through them as if they were made out of smoke. Even as they were about to disappear entirely a voice spoke out, speaking to us both inside our heads.

_For all that you have done we bring you a gift, a new life for those that were given._

With that they were gone and we returned to the present, the speech continuing where it had left off. When it finally ended we were transported to a hotel in one of the near by cities, there the celebrations continued until dawn. Shinji and I slept peacefully for hours after, until I woke in the morning with a strong desire to vomit. Shinji held back my hair as I brought up the contents of my stomach. Looking down into the porcelain bowl the realisation struck me and I finally understood their words. I looked up at Shinji, only to find tears in his eyes already, he too had understood what they had done. Eight months later the twins were born, one boy and one girl. Lying in the hospital bed, cradling them in my arms the nurse had asked us for their names I paused for a moment, looking up into Shinji's eyes for a moment before replying.

"Adam and Lilith."

_AN: And so with that 02 concludes, thank you to everyone who has read this and reviewed._

_The bit about being mistaken for a South African happened to a German friend of mine, he actually found it rather funny._

_And before I sign off on this one a huge debt of gratitude is owed to my prereader, That Other Guy. He has helped fix up my typos; my spelling and grammar so many times…go and read his stories! Now! I'm serious; I owe him at least that much for all he has done for me._

_Hououza_

_Chapter preread by That Other Guy_


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